Dancing With the Demon of Loneliness

By Elaine Williams ©2008

When I lost my husband to cancer in 2004, my life as I knew it did a 360 degree turn. Nothing was the same and yet only one thing had changed. I had lost someone near to my heart, a part of my life for twenty plus years, the father of my children, a best friend and confidante. He had been an integral part of each of our lives.

I thought I was okay, but deep inside I knew I fooled myself and I really wasn't okay. The demon of loneliness entered my life slowly and then suddenly he seemed to be there on every occasion. I decided to write about this demon of loneliness so I could exorcise him from my life.

“I've danced with him many times, a most reluctant partner, my steps stumbling and my mind preoccupied. He came in persuasive and smooth, barely causing a ripple with his subtle entrance. Other times he visited boldly, making his presence well known.”

For me, dancing with the demon of loneliness filled a part of my life that I didn't know existed. He found me at my most vulnerable moments. How could I deny entrance to someone who walks in announced but so softly that you're taken unaware? He was never invited, but I passively allowed him to take me dancing whenever he beckoned, until one day I turned away.

And gradually, I did turn away. I no longer allowed this demon to suck the life and joy from me. With new strength, I allowed the grief in me to become a shadow of itself. The demon’s pervasive grip weakened. I no longer entertained a dance partner I had never enjoyed. I learned to live again, not as I had before, but in a new joyful way.
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