Grief During the Holidays and Book Discount "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" only $8.95

Grief and mourning during the holidays can be very draining, not only for those mourning the loss of a loved one, but for those around you also. Our friends and family want us to be happy, but at times, it seems like there's nothing that can help us lift this despair. Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen or perhaps a read from someone who has been in your shoes and understands what you're experiencing.

During this sometimes stressful period, I'd like to offer my book, "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" at an appreciable discount. My mission is and always has been to get the book out to those who really need to read it -- or get it into the hands of those who know someone that needs to read it. Perhaps you are that someone or know that someone in your family, community or circle of friends.

Please use this direct link for your discount. If you would like the book autographed, please email me at onwingspress@yahoo.com or write a short note on the special instructions on the paypal order page. You do not have to be a member of paypal, but can pay securely with major credit card.

You can go to the link on my website or the link on the right to order through paypal.

Website:
http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com/order.html

Heal the Grieving Heart Radio Interview Now Live

To Visit the Site: Click Below
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Widowslist.com - Widow Support

I ran across a helpful site for widows. It's called WidowsList and it's located at http://www.widowslist.com/">

The site was begun by Sandra Pesmen and the Mission statement is as follows:
"Our community aims to provide a platform where "Women in the Widow 'hood" have a voice; and where they can discuss their unique challenges, conflicts, solutions and joys; families, friends, jobs and leisure time. The "Widows' Lists" offer practical and tested places where widows have found answers and trustworthy service providers."

Widowslist has a chat/blog with helpful articles and information, such as "Beware After-Funeral 'Predators'", and "How Do You Handle Those Anniversary Reactions?"

Also, there's helpful information in regards to topics such as:
Financial
Physical Health
Mental Health
Real Estate
Home and Garden
Travel
Romance
Beauty
Events

Dealing with New Loss or Grief During the Holidays

I recall very well the first holidays, anniversaries and birthdays alone as a widow. Sometimes you want to be with others and other times you will want to be alone. It's important not to isolate yourself, but do be kind to yourself during these stressful moments. If you need to cry, do so. If you need support, ask for it. True friends and family that love you will be there to lend support. Sometimes we're afraid to ask for that support, but on the other side, sometimes those friends aren't sure what to do for you, even if it's just listening while you talk or sitting quietly with you for support.

Sometimes You Need to Cry

Sometimes You Need to Cry
Elaine Williams ©2008

I recall a period in time, at about 18 months after my husband passed away, that I felt pretty good about myself. I had handled what life had thrown me and come out battered, but mostly okay on the other side. After caretaking my husband for almost a year, I was battling some minor health problems of my own, related mostly to stress, but most days I was certain my life was on track. Steady and focused, my three boys were also adjusting and it seemed we all had a grip on reality.

On this day, I was on my way to an appointment with my holistic doctor when the radio began playing a song I had never heard before. The singer’s words stirred something inside me. The song spoke of loving someone through the years, and even with that person gone, the threads of memory remained.

The words reverberated through me, and I experienced almost a kind of shock as their meaning sank in. Out of nowhere, I began to cry so hard I had to pull off the road. I had no control over the rush of anguished emotion. All my hard won calm fled, chopped off at the knees as I hugged the steering wheel of my car.

I cried as if a great well had opened inside and pulled my guts out. When I finally began to calm and the tears subsided, I had to wonder where this emotional outburst had come from. How could a song open a wound of such profound loss?

I arrived at my doctor’s office, and as usual with holistic doctors, they not only want to know about you physically, but they dig deeper into the emotional aspects of your life. I hesitated only briefly before telling him what had occurred on the way to his office. I felt embarrassed by my earlier semi-breakdown. I tried to explain that I’d been feeling good, and then to suddenly have this upheaval had thrown me for a loop.

He explained it was to be expected there would be days where emotion could still catch me by surprise. With the loss still relatively fresh in my life, how could I expect to be 100%? I admitted to him that I’d been feeling excruciatingly lonely, but I thought I was handling it. Some days my idea of “handling” it meant ignoring or burying my feelings. Always a very private person, I hadn’t shared much of my thoughts with anyone. When friends asked how I was doing, I would usually say I was okay. Inside, I kept thinking, who wants to hear that I just want to get through another day?

I felt much better after speaking with him. Not only was he a sympathetic ear, it felt good to open up and share my worries about being alone, my concern for the kids’ welfare and fears that I wasn’t handling my finances to my best advantage.

We talked extensively about the triggers that stirred my own private misery. Something as straightforward as a song, or as complex as past memories, seemed to have the power to entrench me in great emotion. He made me realize there would be times I merely needed to cry as part of grief’s healing process. There was nothing complicated about it. Each time we are brave enough to reach down and allow our true emotions out, it brings a little more healing into our lives. As time passes, and we remain true to ourselves, a new sense of empowerment emerges.

Depression and Loss

There seems to be a lot of notice being given to depression on the internet, some of them through different professional articles. I would caution that feeling 'depressed' due to loss of a loved one, is different from other forms of depression. For some, getting through the grief process can take time. It is a process unique to each individual and not to be rushed. However, having said that, there is nothing wrong with getting help to get through the rough spots in life. Sometimes we need a little something more than what we can do for ourselves. Sometimes all we need is an ear or a shoulder, so don't be afraid to seek professional help, if life is getting you down.

I've also been exploring other healing methods, and I'm currently working with Janet Greene of Greene's Release at http://www.greenesrelease.com/"> to explore her method of healing ourselves and finding the real you. It involves methods to heal through traumas and loss that have occurred in each of our lives. Stay tuned.

Help For Widows Who Suffer Alone During The Holiday Season

Press Release
2008-10-25 15:27:27 -

Award winning author and contributing writer Elaine Williams understands the pain of being left alone during the holiday season. Her book, A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss, offers a message of hope that is particularly needed by many left alone during this time of year.

'For most people,' stated Ms. Williams, 'holidays center around family and celebrations. For widows, especially new widows, this time of year is one of the hardest times to get through. After the loss of your partner there is nothing quite as painful as feeling alone during these special times.'

According to the U.S Census Bureau, there are approximately 700,000 new widows every year. Widows and widowers are not the only ones who suffer during this time of year. Surveys and studies also illustrate that a staggering 10% of all marriages end in divorce. The emotional problems that affect those experiencing widowhood or divorce can be overwhelming. These feelings are exacerbated during the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's seasons.

32% of women aged 55 and older live alone, according to the 2000 U.S. Census. A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss addresses the important issues involving loss created through death or divorce and offers real hope to those left alone and those left behind.

'I personally don't see much difference in dating after loss or following a divorce,' stated Ms. Williams, 'as both occurrences involve a major life change, subject to emotions of loss and anger or perhaps betrayal and abandonment. At no time do these feelings surface more strongly than during the holiday season. Some who have lost a spouse may argue that death is worse, being final and out of your control -- while divorce is a choice. I disagree. If the spouse you love has divorced you, the choice has been taken away from you, similar to losing someone to death. You also have an added complication of perhaps feeling as if you've been thrown away, an understandably devastating experience. I have experienced both divorce and death, and the aftermath in each instance is neither pretty nor painless.'

'Does the death of a partner hurt more than divorce? When you lose the person you love, regardless of how that occurs, it is a permanent wound on the heart. Loss of any kind is never easy. It can be especially difficult during the holidays,' stated Ms. Williams, 'but try not to totally isolate yourself during moments of stress; instead allow family and friends to help you get through difficult times. You can be alone with your thoughts to sort through your grief, but also remember to allow those who care about you to help you on your journey.'

A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss is a finalist in the USA Book News Best Books Awards for 2008. The book has received a 5 star rating from Midwest Book Reviews. Copies of 'A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss' are available at her website. A portion of the profit from each book is donated to charity. Ms. Williams is available for media interviews by contacting her at the address below.

Contact
Elaine Williams
On Wings Press
Phone: 518-589-6229
Web: http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com">
Email: onwingspress@yahoo.com

Book Review, White Feathers by Pamela Jouan

"White Feathers," by Pamela Jouan is an eloquent, moving tribute to her parents. As a widow, I know from personal experience there is no measure for grief when a spouse dies. I identify fully with the emotional turmoil you describe following this devastating loss, and also the chance to find joy in life again." Elaine Williams, author "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss."

The author, Pamela Jouan writes, "I wrote a book for my mother last year that I just self-published. It was originally a gift to her for what would have been her 40th wedding anniversary on that Easter Sunday. I have since published it with all proceeds benefiting cancer research. My father passed away from cancer 3 years ago this September...I have been getting tremendous response from widows who identify with the story.

White Feathers is the story of what would happen if we were given one more day with someone we had lost. The main characters, a couple called Charles and Ruby, are modeled after my parents—most of the details of their lives are all based in fact, as well as a few extraordinary points. Needless to say, my book weaves faith and hope into a tale about lost love and dealing with that loss.

In an effort to do a little more, I decided to publish my book and contribute all proceeds to cancer research. It is currently available through www.amazon.com for purchase. I created a web site http://www.pamelajouan.com"> that talks more about my book and has a list of questions to base a book club discussion on."

Thoughts on Being Invisible

Have you ever had a moment or a day when you felt invisible? The world goes on around you, and yet, you feel of little consequence. Thoughts invade, what if I were to disappear, would anyone care -- would there be any impact on other lives? Yes, I know there would be, but in my five minutes of invisibility today, I wondered. How many others walk around this life feeling invisible and don't get through that feeling in five minutes.

Living Fully

Life is certainly different after loss, and it's true we don't have a clue how it will turn out. I've changed in so many ways, grown stronger as new experiences have reshaped my life today. I try to remain open to living, and I am at a different place than I ever might have imagined. My life and interests have branched off on a totally different course than if my husband had lived. And at this time, 4 years later, I know life, despite everything, is good for me.

It has become vitally important for me to do the things I enjoy, even start new interests that I've always wanted to try. I've reshaped my life socially, because relationship dynamics change when you're no longer part of a couple. But all in all, I have grown and become empowered through this process. And grief is an ongoing process. It's so important not to shut down or get stuck in anger or bitterness. We can't allow ourselves to spin in place very long and remain stuck looking back at what we had and what might have been. Life is for living and I intend to live my share and perhaps a bit more.

Featured Author on Nourishing Relationships

I'm a featured author on Nourishing Relationships tomorrow. Hop on over. http://www.nourishingrelationships.blogspot.com>

Beyond50Radio.com Interview

The latest interview is now available on Beyond 50 Radio at Talkshoe. Click on the July 2 show to listen. A Journey Well Taken. Show is 30 minutes. Host is Daniel Davis.
http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=59781&cmd=tc>

Some Insight into Grief

I read an article recently about loss and grief. As a widow of four years, I can offer some insight into the grief process. I am 51 years of age. I was 47 when my husband of 20 years died from esophagus cancer at age 59. I took care of him for 11 months while he fought his best to survive. All cancer is devastating, but esophagus felt doubly so, since you cannot eat. He survived as long as he did only because he had a stomach tube inserted. My book is about mine and my family's experience during caretaking, my husband's death, and the emotional and mental turmoil following his passing. Not only for myself but also for my children.

The first thing I would say, based on my experience, is don't make any major changes in the first 12 months, and actually, for some people the time frame may be longer.

Grief is a constant up and down for many months and even years. Although I felt compelled to clear out my husband's clothes within the first month of his passing, at four years I still have moments from time to time where the loneliness of being a widow hits me and brings me to my knees for an hour or two. I consider myself in good form emotionally, mentally and psychologically, but again, loss still bites from time to time. It comes in quite softly and nips at me, and then I move on.

My life has taken unexpected twists and turns. I love my life, but also know that keeping my heart and mind open to living is part of the solution of living a full live. It's so easy to close down and be fearful, afraid to live or experience anything again. Many days in the beginning of loss, you operate in a numb state, where each day is an uninteresting series of events. I remember at one point being afraid that the numbness might never recede. I was afraid I would stay in that limbo. I had no interest in anything, except the wellbeing of my kids. I didn't care about my health, I just wanted each day to be over.

Thankfully, I grew into who I am today. I've learned to live on my own, support myself and be happy for the person I am. I've made some mistakes along the way, but I also learned from them.

In the early days I thought I would get through the grief quickly. I wanted it to be over and resolved. Of course, that's not how grief works. It takes its own time. Just when I thought I was doing okay, I'd get hit up the side of the head and emotional turmoil would take me on a ride.

One thing I did learn is "normal" is no longer what it used to feel like. I have created through trial and error a new normal, a new life. I have slid into it the last four years; sometimes with hurt and sometimes quite simply.

I never tried to break away from my past, afterall, my husband and I had 23 years together and three boys. But I came to realize for myself, I needed to redefine me, minus my husband. It's not easy. But it is possible.

"Complicated Grief" Study by UCLA Scientists

A new study by UCLA scientists suggests that long term or "complicated" grief may trigger neurons in the reward center of the brain.
http://www.virtualmedicalcentre.com/news.asp?artid=11842

We all experience grief in some measure throughout life. We live through the painful adjustment of the loss of a loved one -- the emotional and psychological lows. But for those suffering complicated grief, the normal grief reaction remains painful and debilitating, sometimes leading to suicidal thoughts or an inability to resume life, even many years later.

If you look at the MayoClinic site
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/complicated-grief/DS01023/DSECTION=symptoms/
you will see symptoms that apply to the grief process. I recognize my own grief journey in these symptoms.

What moves the grief into "complicated grief" is the extended period of time that these emotions continue to be apparent in the grieving individual. While I understand the grief process personally, I disagree with this article where it says "normal grief symptoms gradually start to fade within six months or so". From my own experience, I was just beginning to lose the numbness at six months and therefore becoming alive to my grief at six months. Does that mean I've suffered from complicated grief? I don't believe so.

What I do believe is the grieving process is very individual. I also believe that if grief continues and there is no quality of life resumed, then there is the possibility of complicated grief and professional help should be sought.

Grief is One More Journey in Life

In my habit of reading blogs of other's who have suffered the loss of a loved one, I am reminded again and again of those early, deep and entrenching emotions. In today's society where many want to just "get through it" or get it over with quickly, no matter what IT is, grief is just a process that takes its own time. It has its own agenda, based on you, the individual. No amount of prodding, sweet talking or ranting will make it move any faster through your life. The good news is, it does move on and we become a different person, and we can control the process, to some degree. We can seek help, support, and remain open to life. Through my four years of "widow" experience, I can attest to the fact that life does take on a new normal, as long as we don't shut down and close in upon ourselves.

I am sorry for the loss anyone suffers in life. It's not fair, we rant and cry, and I recall like it was yesterday the lost, desperate feelings. For a time I buried myself in my grief, my loss, and in the end I found that talking about it to a professional really helped me sort through my feelings, fears and emotions. I wasn't going crazy, even though at times it hurt so bad I didn't know which way to turn. I also started a journal, and if I felt desperately unhappy, I would write in my journal. So cry, be angry or just stare out the window if that's what you need to do today, but don't be stuck in it day after day. I learned in the beginning to get through each day as best I could, with no expectations of anything. It's just the way grief is. Take your time to naviagate this new life, and you may find, as I have, that keeping your arms and heart wide open to life, will bring you unexpected joys and experiences. Trust me, there is life after loss, it just takes a bit of traveling to get there.

Mom Minus Dad Resource Guide

"In her groundbreaking book, Jamieson Haverkampf shares how she and her sister, in their early 30’s, found success and managed struggles during their journey after their father’s death. This jam-packed resource guide is filled with more than 500 invaluable Web sites, companies, government resources, U.S. laws, books, and nonprofit organizations to assist adult children who seek support while they aid a newly widowed parent." From http://www.momminusdad.com:80/

Elaine Williams' Review "Beyond Belief" Documentary

"Beyond Belief," is an award-winning and inspirational documentary film by Beth Murphy, about two 9/11 widows who cope with their grief by forming a cross-cultural foundation to raise money for widows in Afghanistan.

The film was featured on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" last year and is now being released on DVD by Alive Mind at http://www.alivemindwoman.com/category/films/beyond-belief/

With your help, $3 from each sale of this DVD will go to the organization formed by the two widows, Beyond the 11th at http://alivemindwoman.com/beyond-belief-featured-organization-beyond-the-11th/

REVIEW by Elaine Williams, A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss
http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com/

"In tragedy, often times it is the strongest who step forward and dare to make a difference.

As 9/11 widows Patti and Susan work through their own grief and loss, they move outside of themselves to highlight the extreme poverty of Afghanistan widows. Their personal journeys are enhanced by their efforts to empower these same women, strangers, half a world away.

This emotionally charged film draws you in from the first moment - it is a beautiful testimonial to the strength and courage of the human spirit."

A Journey Well Taken Review at The Light Beyond

The Light Beyond Website Mission: Helping you through grief and bereavement, one step at a time..."
Lucie Storrs of The Light Beyond has graciously posted a review of A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss. http://thelightbeyond.typepad.com/blog/

Crafting a New Life as a Widow

Elaine Williams ©2008

When you become a widow your life changes and there is no guarantee of sanity in the transition. Some days are topsy-turvy; other days have a numbing calm. You wonder if life will ever be joyful again. You’re not crazy, you’re grieving.

Joy has a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it, yes, even in the midst of loss. I discovered it’s a waste of energy to feel guilt over a moment of joy while in the pain of loss. I used to tell myself I had to stop being so serious and cut myself some slack. I refused to be a victim in life and I vowed not to become bitter over my husband’s loss.
Sure, it was unfair that my kids lost their dad at 11, 18, and 19, but inside each of us are life tools, and we do the best with what we have learned in life.

So how do you craft your new life as a widow? Time and patience are the best advice I could give. I had never expected my husband would die, even though he was diagnosed with end stage esophagus cancer. I was so determined he would get well, he would beat it, that losing him never was an option until the last three weeks. So I wasn’t prepared for his death, but who ever is? Stuff like this didn’t happen to me. I’d always considered myself an upbeat, lucky person. I still consider myself in that category, which is why I know from my own experience you can create a new life and be happy and feel joy once more.

I recall many days up until about two and a half years into my loss where I felt weighted down by uncertainty and indecision. I wanted nothing more than to just hide away in some safe, dark place where no one else could find me. Many days I felt a complete lack of enthusiasm for life. I worked because that occupied my mind, and in deepest grief, I often wondered if I’d ever experience true joy again. I felt off kilter, as if an essential life force had been pulled from me. I had a big hole.

For months I hung in a kind of limbo. I asked myself what was it that I wanted to do with my life? Was this empty feeling all there was? I knew I had to contribute something more – that there was a purpose for me. I wanted full knowledge of what my the next step was in my life.

As a writer I attempted to pick up my writing, but there was no passion there. I have always been a writer and to think that that well had dried up, felt devastating.

Slowly, I began to find a new me, one that I had never fully tapped into. I wondered had experiencing loss uncovered the stronger, more independent me? I have learned to live fully on my own, taking care of my children but also taking care of myself.

When I made myself step outside my comfort zone, I often found a new world waiting for me. I discovered that living a full life is all within my own control.

Video Interview Live by Relentless Aaron