Alone on Valentine's Day

Elaine Williams
copyright 2009
According to the U.S Census Bureau, there are approximately 700,000 new widows every year. The emotional and monetary problems that affect those experiencing widowhood are staggering. This is no small problem, as 32% of women aged 55 and older live alone, according to the 2000 U.S. Census.

Being alone during special days like Valentine’s Day can be incredibly painful for those who have lost a loved one. It's often considered a special day for couples, and if you’re recently bereaved, it can be an especially difficult time to get through. One way to lessen any negative impact of this day is to plan ahead – perhaps go out to dinner with friends or a movie. Create something special for yourself.

The stress of dealing with the death of a spouse makes it quite difficult to function at times. In addition to the loss of income, the widow or widower may also face debt issues and the pressure of becoming a single parent. When you lose someone you love, it is a permanent wound on the heart. Loss of any kind is never easy, but you can begin to enjoy life once more, even if it’s only one evening at a time. Be kind to yourself.

What to Do and Say When Someone Dies

Many times people just don't have a clue as to how to react or what to say to the family when someone they know passes away. First and foremost, tell them you're sorry for their loss. Second, it means a lot when someone drops you a note about what the deceased person meant to them. Third, don't think that after a short time they've moved on or gotten over their loss. It takes time and healing to get through our individual journey. Let the family know you're still thinking of them. Sometimes people think mourning is a year -- and things should be pretty normal. Not so.

In many, many cases, a year is nothing on the radar blip of grief and in this brief timeframe a lot of us are just getting started. We've figured out our loved one isn't coming back, hopefully we've settled into some semblance of our life as it is now, and we're just discovering what it really means to be alone. Trust me, a year in the life of the grieving, is nothing.