A Recent Widower

I met a man online today through one of the blogs, and he's newly widowed. His wife passed away about two weeks ago. He's full of vim and vigor and determined to move on, as he put it, and I interpret that to mean move through his grief experience quickly and pick up the threads of his previous life.

I remember being that and there and now, four years later, I offered him what I hope will be taken as words of help. Please take it slow and don't try to take on the world, let it come to you for awhile until you adjust to this new life that is now yours.

I know from my own experience the twisted, convoluted, surprising, painful and yes sometimes exhiliarating ride ahead. I also know we can support and help others along this grief jouroney as best we can, but in the end, it's each individual's show. Their decisions. Their life.

Moving Past Grief and Loss

After the loss of a spouse or a child, you’re going to be stuck in neutral for awhile -- trust me, there's no quick solutions on the healing journey. There are different transitions along the way, and some people get through them quicker than others, but ultimately it's all up to us. We learn along the way and we can discover more about ourselves, but moving on, I have found, is based on each individual's attitude, background, stress levels and available support.

And even saying "moving on" doesn't correctly describe the life transition. You eventually learn to live again. You know joy again, as hard as that might be for someone to believe when the loss is so fresh. Be assured you never forget, but you hurt a little less. The love is never wiped away, but you can hold it close without sharp pain. There is no conforming to anyone else's idea of what your grief should be, it is yours alone. To keep ourselves healthy, we must remain open to life's wonders. If we shut ourselves off from living I truly believe a part of us dies inside. To me, that would be the ultimate second tragedy.