Grief and mourning during the holidays can be very draining, not only for those mourning the loss of a loved one, but for those around you also. Our friends and family want us to be happy, but at times, it seems like there's nothing that can help us lift this despair. Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen or perhaps a read from someone who has been in your shoes and understands what you're experiencing.
During this sometimes stressful period, I'd like to offer my book, "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" at an appreciable discount. My mission is and always has been to get the book out to those who really need to read it -- or get it into the hands of those who know someone that needs to read it. Perhaps you are that someone or know that someone in your family, community or circle of friends.
Please use this direct link for your discount. If you would like the book autographed, please email me at onwingspress@yahoo.com or write a short note on the special instructions on the paypal order page. You do not have to be a member of paypal, but can pay securely with major credit card.
You can go to the link on my website or the link on the right to order through paypal.
Website:
http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com/order.html
Showing posts with label Life After Loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life After Loss. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Alone on Valentine's Day
Elaine Williams
copyright 2009
According to the U.S Census Bureau, there are approximately 700,000 new widows every year. The emotional and monetary problems that affect those experiencing widowhood are staggering. This is no small problem, as 32% of women aged 55 and older live alone, according to the 2000 U.S. Census.
Being alone during special days like Valentine’s Day can be incredibly painful for those who have lost a loved one. It's often considered a special day for couples, and if you’re recently bereaved, it can be an especially difficult time to get through. One way to lessen any negative impact of this day is to plan ahead – perhaps go out to dinner with friends or a movie. Create something special for yourself.
The stress of dealing with the death of a spouse makes it quite difficult to function at times. In addition to the loss of income, the widow or widower may also face debt issues and the pressure of becoming a single parent. When you lose someone you love, it is a permanent wound on the heart. Loss of any kind is never easy, but you can begin to enjoy life once more, even if it’s only one evening at a time. Be kind to yourself.
copyright 2009
According to the U.S Census Bureau, there are approximately 700,000 new widows every year. The emotional and monetary problems that affect those experiencing widowhood are staggering. This is no small problem, as 32% of women aged 55 and older live alone, according to the 2000 U.S. Census.
Being alone during special days like Valentine’s Day can be incredibly painful for those who have lost a loved one. It's often considered a special day for couples, and if you’re recently bereaved, it can be an especially difficult time to get through. One way to lessen any negative impact of this day is to plan ahead – perhaps go out to dinner with friends or a movie. Create something special for yourself.
The stress of dealing with the death of a spouse makes it quite difficult to function at times. In addition to the loss of income, the widow or widower may also face debt issues and the pressure of becoming a single parent. When you lose someone you love, it is a permanent wound on the heart. Loss of any kind is never easy, but you can begin to enjoy life once more, even if it’s only one evening at a time. Be kind to yourself.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Virtual Blog Tour of Sites Related to Loss, Grief and Bereavement
Blog Tour
This list is a wonderful compilation of books, blogs, websites, services, magazine….all related in some manner to loss, grief and bereavement. This is by no means a complete list, but it is a start.
(No endorsement is made and all sites listed are for information purposes only.)
A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss by Elaine Williams, a widow’s journey through loss, grief and renewal. http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com. Blog: http://www.ajourneywelltaken.blogspot.com Midwest Book Review, 5 Stars.
#
Dave Pipitone - "The Hope Patch", http://www.thehopepatch.com is a way to remember those who have passed on. Articles and resources for living with hope for new life.
#
Wendy L. Christensen: An inspirational letter written by Wendy at 15, to her older brother Travis who died at 17. “This letter was therapeutic for me and I have received so many emails and phone calls over it. My brother, Travis, had a huge impact on my life.” "It's the Little Moments that Matter" contains 26 simple steps to enrich every moment of life! http://www.littlemomentsthatmatter.com/travis.html
#
Jane Galbraith’s "Baby Boomers Face Grief - Survival and Recovery". Jane’s background is a degree in nursing and 20 years working in the community health care system. If you would like more info on the book you can find the introductory chapter and her bio etc at http://www.trafford.com/05-2319
#
Carol Ann Loehr - Website for Understanding Suicide & Depression – http://www.thegiftofkeith.org
On March 29, 1999 , our son Keith died by suicide. At the time of his death I had no knowledge of suicide, and I was inundated with inaccurate and outdated description of suicide and its causes. In 2002, I created a website of information to help comfort and educate survivors of suicide, as well as clergy, health care professionals and counselors. In 2006 I wrote a children's book, “My Uncle Keith Died”. This book helps explain a death by suicide and the illness of depression. Available at Trafford Publishing or call Toll Free (888)232-4444; and Amazon.com.
#
Sandy Fox - "I Have No Intention of Saying Goodbye." Sandy interviewed 25 sets of parents about the death of a child and how they have moved on with their lives. Sandy’s story is in the book also. http://www.sandyfoxauthor.comwww.survivinggrief.blogspot.com
#
Annette Gonzalez: http://www.marinasabundance.blogspot.com/
Website: http://www.orphanat60.com Annette writes and speaks about feeling like an "orphan" at sixty years of age. Her father died five months after her mother. Shares her experiences as a daughter, caregiver, wife and mother.
#
The Light Beyond, Lucie Storrs – http://www.thelightbeyond.com Grief forum, inspirational movie and helpful bereavement site. “Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep” ebook of over 250 sympathy poems, quotations and readings for funerals, memorial services and inner peace. “If There's Anything I Can Do” guide for friends and families of the bereaved.
#
Research Study on Social Relationships and Loss
A new study on social relationships and loss is being conducted by a doctoral student at The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. You are invited to participate in this important new study investigating interpersonal relationships and how they might have affected your feelings about your loss.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=yXh28AbGKsj9ycoMzVE7ew_3d_3d
Questions or would like the questionnaires sent to you, contact Naomi Edelson by phone at (415) 290-0164 or by email at lossresearch@gmail.com.
#
A Masters degree and 24 years of Adoption Social Work did not prepare Chris Mulligan for the devastation after the death of her son, Zac. Her grief journey, revealed through “Afterlife Agreements: A Gift From Beyond” describes in detail the mother/son relationship that continues beyond death through documented signs and communication. Healing and a new life emerged as the result of learning about life lessons, death and the afterlife. http://Afterlifebooks.com
#
Harry Line Helping Parents Deal with The Loss of Their Baby - http://the-harry-line-helpingparents.blogspot.com/
#
Fran Dorf’s acclaimed, internationally published psychological novels include A Reasonable Madness (Birch Lane, Signet, 1990/91), Flight (Dutton/Signet, 1992/93), and Saving Elijah (Putnam, 2000), which was inspired by the tragic death of Fran’s son, Michael, and which a starred Publisher’s Weekly review called, “a stunning tale that crackles with suspense, dark humor, and provocative questions.” A bereavement and creativity expert and psychotherapist, Fran holds advanced degrees in journalism, psychology, and social work. She is currently working on a book of personal essays called, “How I Lost My Bellybutton and Other Survival Stories"; and writes poetry, essays and articles on a variety of topics including bereavement. Using her unique background and experience, Fran has developed the WRITE TO HEAL WORKSHOP, which employs exercises, and fictional/interrogative techniques, some arising out of themes developed in Saving Elijah, to deepen and clarify self knowledge, stimulate the imagination, and generate meaningful story, memoir, metaphor, and/or image around loss. Fran has conducted the Workshop with a variety of groups including the bereaved, addicted, traumatized, homeless, women’s groups, those dealing with chronic or serious illness, and the mentally ill. Her essay, “My Son’s Name Was Michael – Not Elijah,” will be published in an anthology on therapeutic writing this spring. Fran is also an active philanthropist, and has a blog called THE BRUISED MUSE, an e-zine on “grief, life and everything in between” at http://www.frandorf.com/. For a workshop with your group, or for individual psychotherapy or counseling, contact Fran directly at frandorf@aol.com.
#
Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation National Conference on Widowhood, San Diego, California -- July 17-19, 2009
This event will provide a variety of inspiring role models, a hope-filled, supportive environment, and programs focused on giving women the tools they need to rebuild their lives after the devastating loss of a spouse. http://www.sslf.org/conference.html
#
Sharon - Grandma is a writer - http://grandmaisawriter.blogspot.com/ Shares thoughts about writing, about life and to promote the book, “Aloha is Forever” about the loss of her son in Hawaii who went on a hike and disappeared. http://www.tnchristianpublishers.com/products
#
Tiffany - Life after his Death -- Perspectives encountered from loss. http://acancerwidow.blogspot.com/
#
Christa Scalies lost her close friend Jim to suicide in 2005. Christa was on a self-destructive suicidal path but the shock of her friend’s death actually helped save her life. Experiencing the devastation of his sudden passing caused her to examine every detail of her life. Christa embarked on a path of self-healing, learning and laughing. In 2008 she created Giggle On!, a motivational and inspirational web site, to share her story and help empower people to enjoy the lighter and happier sides of life. Christa works to raise money and awareness for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. http://www.giggleon.com.
#
Crumbling Walls - a mother grieves the loss of her 18 year old son to suicide - http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/
#
Janine - Widow and mother of 6 Blog, One Breath at a Time - http://txmomx6.blogspot.com/
#
Carol O’Dell – Author “Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir” ISBN – 13:978-1-60164-003-1. http://www.Mothering-Mother.com - Family Advisor at http://www.caring.com/familyadvisor Blog - http://carolodell.wordpress.com
A bitingly humorous and unflinchingly honest memoir. Carol's mother has Parkinson's Disease, Alzheimer’s, and a heart condition and Carol's decision not to put her mother "in one of those homes" has far-reaching consequences for her family. She must learn to Mother her own mother. This refreshing and entertaining memoir will help baby boomers struggling with their own decisions on elder care in the home.
#
Widowsbreathe Coaching: Mie Elmhirst, CPCC, PCC provides Coaching, Support and Information for Widows www.widowsbreathe.com
#
Keepsakes, Etc. features Sympathy Throws as a bereavement gift for family and friends. They will embroider personalized messages on most throws and ship nationwide. http://www.keepsakes-etc.com/sympathygift.html
#
“Room for Two” by Widower Abel Keogh - http://abelkeogh.com/room-for-two/
#
Beautiful Earthen Urns - http://spiritkeeper-urns.com/
#
Resolving Grief with Hypnosis and EFT -Carol Henderson Certified Hypnotherapist
EFT Practitioner
New Day Hypnotherapy, LLC
Kansas City Area
Carol@NewDayHypno.com
http://www.newdayhypno.com/resolving_grief_with_hypnosis_and_eft.html
#
Marsha at “Breathings of the Heart” - Marsha began the blog as an outlet of musings, writings and journaling following the loss of her husband in 2005. Today, it continues to be an extension of her journey... may you enjoy the travels with her.
http://mfisteach.blogspot.com/
#
Cathy - Lessons From Lou - http://lessonsfromlou.blogspot.com/ - Cathy’s journey through the brain tumor world with her husband, Lou.
#
Ian - Single Parent Dad - http://www.singleparentdad.blogspot.com
#
Bill- Dying Man’s Daily Journal - http://hudds53.wordpress.com/
#
The Price of Love - http://thepriceoflove.net/ - a father's journey through breast cancer, bereavement and recovery.
#
Maureen’s Mission - http://www.maureensmission.org/thebook.php .- Breast Cancer Advocacy – One couple’s journey through misdiagnosis.
#
Lisa - Grace Between the Lines - http://bump-on-the-road.blogspot.com/ - Blog continues in memory of Annette, with a new name, Grace Between the Lines by her sister, Lisa.
#
Dr. Doris Jeanette, a holistic psychologist with 33 years of experience showing people how to find their own inner strengths, and author of" Opening the Heart", an emotional guide into healing your grieving heart from the bottom outward. http://www.drjeanette.com
Speaker, columnist, radio host and author of Opening the Heart, Overcoming Anxiety Naturally and 14 other self help products.
#
Eric Tomei - http://www.lostdadsclub.com/ Help me raise 1 Million dollars for Habitat for Humanity. It was my Dad's favorite charity. Please help me honor his memory and support this great organization. Author “I Miss My Dad.” Eric is an ordinary guy who wrote about her dad to deal with his grief.
#
Cindy Bullens – Recording artists and songwriter. http://www.cindybullens.com/workshop/ - “Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth: Grieving Out Loud”.
"When my daughter Jessie died on March 23, 1996, just weeks after her eleventh birthday, I felt my own life end. I couldn't imagine that I could ever again be a productive human being. Cindy has touched thousands of people around the world with Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth's inspired songs of despair and loss, love and hope.”
#
Betsy – author ISABELLE'S DREAM - Based on the true story of two sisters, / Isabelle’s Dream/ takes the reader on a heartwarming journey from grief to hope. The book's black-and-white illustrations invite children to bring their own creativity to each page, using crayons, markers, colored pencils, or even glitter glue. After coloring the sisters’ shimmering wings, butterflies, gardens, the earth, and the sea, boys and girls will find several blank activity pages. These pages encourage children to create original drawings or words.
Available through Quality of Life Publishing (www.qolpublishing.com; to order call *1-877-513-0099* during regular business hours Eastern time) or via amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com.
In memory of Sophia Zartarian Nagle, author Betsy Bottino Arenella is donating 100 percent of royalties from /Isabelle's Dream/ to the national charitable SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood) Program (www://sudc.org). To learn more about Sophia's life and the birth of Isabelle's Dream, visit www.isabellesdream.org
#
http://widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com/ Widow's Voice - A place to find your own voice, to hear other widow's voices...and to find comfort in the fact that you are not alone.
#
Grief Sites
http://www.youngwidow.com – Provides a forum for young widows and widowers to connect online, find understanding and validation of their feelings so that they are able to recover their joy for life, reclaim their identities and rebuild their futures.
#
http://indygriefloss.com/index.htm - Indianapolis Grief & Loss Consulting Services
#
http://mymeaningfullife.com/ - Finding Meaning in Grief & Loss
Ligia M. Houben, is an author, consultant and educator. She consults with individuals and corporations on life transitions with the purpose of providing meaningful tools to transform losses and challenges. She obtained her B.A. from the University of Miami in psychology and Religious Studies and a Masters Degree in religious studies and gerontology from Florida International University. Ligia also has a Graduate Certificate in Loss and Healing from St. Thomas University and is a Certified Grief Counselor, a Certified Addiction Counselor and a Certified Thanatologist: death, dying and bereavement.
#
http://www.aarp.org/families/grief_loss/ - AARP – Helpful Links for Those After Loss of a loved one.
#
http://www.bereavementmag.com/page.cfm?pageid=9009 - Hope and Healing for the Body, Mind and Spirit. Living with Loss Magazine
#
http://www.centerforloss.com/index.php - Center for Loss and Life Transition
#
http://www.compassionbooks.com/store/index.php - More than 400 books, videos, and audios to help children and adults through serious illness, death and dying, grief, bereavement, and losses of all kinds, including divorce, suicide, trauma, and violence. Reviewed and selected by knowledgeable professionals.
#
http://www.coping-with-loss-and-grief.com/index.html - Grief Counseling, Bereavement Counseling
Individuals, Families, Small Grief Counseling Groups
#
http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/index.html - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross - Grief & Bereavement
#
http://www.goodbooksnw.com/ - GoodBooksNW is an independent online bookseller specializing in books on divorce, blended families and grief.
#
http://www.goodgriefresources.com/ - Bereavement, Loss and Grief Resources
#
http://www.griefsjourney.com/index.php?&MMN_position=1:1 - Grief's Journey, where the primary focus is on the bereavement for the loss of a spouse and life partner.
#
http://www.groww.org/Branches/gfwo.htm - GROWW For Widowed allows us to be or do whatever it takes to move forward, to know that letting go of the pain is not letting go of the memory of the love.
#
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm - Coping with Grief and Loss, Support for Grieving and Bereavement
#
http://www.missfoundation.org/index.html - M.I.S.S. Foundation, support when a child dies
#
http://atruecalling-truewonder.blogspot.com/ Truewonder lost her eldest son in 2003, little did I know that starting a blog in 2008 was the healing balm I most needed. It is a cleverly disguised blog about a sustainable farmer...as I have become just that. It started it out as farmer related stories, but my writing revealed to me that my grief, joy experiences were stories that caused many ripples in the lives of others.
#
http://www.momminusdad.com/ - Do you struggle to find resources and advice while you juggle your life with the needs of a newly widowed parent? Author Jamieson Haverkampf, gleaned intimate knowledge of balancing her own life with a newly widowed parent, having aided her fifty-six-year-old widowed mother in Virginia, while running her real estate business in California, after the early unpredicted loss of her father to cancer. “Mom Minus Dad”.
#
http://www.nmha.org/index.cfm?objectid=C7DF9618-1372-4D20-C807F41CB3E97654 - Coping With Bereavement - Mental Health America
#
http://www.onecaringplace.com/Default.asp?bhcd2=1233108612 - Publications to help you help others – One Caring Place
#
http://www.ourhouse-grief.org/services.html#opt3 - Our House, Helping Grieving Hearts Heal, Child and Adolescent Grief
#
http://www.pamblair.com - Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D., therapist and co-author of “I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One” (Sourcebooks, Inc.) as well as the companion workbook.
#
http://www.hospicenet.org/ - Hospice - For patients and families facing life-threatening illness
#
http://www.solacehouse.org/ - Solace House - A Center for Grieving Children and their Families.
##
Open to Hope Foundation and The Grief Blog at http://www.opentohope.com and http://www.thegriefblog.com - Articles, radio show and information to help those who have suffered a loss.
#
Widowslist - A blog and community where widows share problems and triumphs with lists of helpful people, companies and services. http://www.widowslist.com
#
Jenslove – http://www.jenslove.com/"> – cofounders Mark Manning and Jessica Caron. A place to celebrate those loved and lost
#
Loss, Grief and Bereavement – National Cancer Institute www.ncipoet.com/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/bereavement/Patient/page9
#
American Widow Project - http://americanwidowproject.org/index.php?link=1 - The American Widow Project is a non-profit organization dedicated to the new generation of those who have lost the heroes of yesterday, today and tomorrow, with an emphasis on healing through sharing stories, tears and laughter………Military Widow to Military Widow
#
Garden of Innocence National – Dignified burial for abandoned children http://www.gardenofinnocence.org/keegansstory.html
#
Neil Chethik - http://www.neilchethik.com/fatherloss.htm - Author “Father Loss, How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Death of their Dads.”
This list is a wonderful compilation of books, blogs, websites, services, magazine….all related in some manner to loss, grief and bereavement. This is by no means a complete list, but it is a start.
(No endorsement is made and all sites listed are for information purposes only.)
A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss by Elaine Williams, a widow’s journey through loss, grief and renewal. http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com. Blog: http://www.ajourneywelltaken.blogspot.com Midwest Book Review, 5 Stars.
#
Dave Pipitone - "The Hope Patch", http://www.thehopepatch.com is a way to remember those who have passed on. Articles and resources for living with hope for new life.
#
Wendy L. Christensen: An inspirational letter written by Wendy at 15, to her older brother Travis who died at 17. “This letter was therapeutic for me and I have received so many emails and phone calls over it. My brother, Travis, had a huge impact on my life.” "It's the Little Moments that Matter" contains 26 simple steps to enrich every moment of life! http://www.littlemomentsthatmatter.com/travis.html
#
Jane Galbraith’s "Baby Boomers Face Grief - Survival and Recovery". Jane’s background is a degree in nursing and 20 years working in the community health care system. If you would like more info on the book you can find the introductory chapter and her bio etc at http://www.trafford.com/05-2319
#
Carol Ann Loehr - Website for Understanding Suicide & Depression – http://www.thegiftofkeith.org
On March 29, 1999 , our son Keith died by suicide. At the time of his death I had no knowledge of suicide, and I was inundated with inaccurate and outdated description of suicide and its causes. In 2002, I created a website of information to help comfort and educate survivors of suicide, as well as clergy, health care professionals and counselors. In 2006 I wrote a children's book, “My Uncle Keith Died”. This book helps explain a death by suicide and the illness of depression. Available at Trafford Publishing or call Toll Free (888)232-4444; and Amazon.com.
#
Sandy Fox - "I Have No Intention of Saying Goodbye." Sandy interviewed 25 sets of parents about the death of a child and how they have moved on with their lives. Sandy’s story is in the book also. http://www.sandyfoxauthor.comwww.survivinggrief.blogspot.com
#
Annette Gonzalez: http://www.marinasabundance.blogspot.com/
Website: http://www.orphanat60.com Annette writes and speaks about feeling like an "orphan" at sixty years of age. Her father died five months after her mother. Shares her experiences as a daughter, caregiver, wife and mother.
#
The Light Beyond, Lucie Storrs – http://www.thelightbeyond.com Grief forum, inspirational movie and helpful bereavement site. “Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep” ebook of over 250 sympathy poems, quotations and readings for funerals, memorial services and inner peace. “If There's Anything I Can Do” guide for friends and families of the bereaved.
#
Research Study on Social Relationships and Loss
A new study on social relationships and loss is being conducted by a doctoral student at The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. You are invited to participate in this important new study investigating interpersonal relationships and how they might have affected your feelings about your loss.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=yXh28AbGKsj9ycoMzVE7ew_3d_3d
Questions or would like the questionnaires sent to you, contact Naomi Edelson by phone at (415) 290-0164 or by email at lossresearch@gmail.com.
#
A Masters degree and 24 years of Adoption Social Work did not prepare Chris Mulligan for the devastation after the death of her son, Zac. Her grief journey, revealed through “Afterlife Agreements: A Gift From Beyond” describes in detail the mother/son relationship that continues beyond death through documented signs and communication. Healing and a new life emerged as the result of learning about life lessons, death and the afterlife. http://Afterlifebooks.com
#
Harry Line Helping Parents Deal with The Loss of Their Baby - http://the-harry-line-helpingparents.blogspot.com/
#
Fran Dorf’s acclaimed, internationally published psychological novels include A Reasonable Madness (Birch Lane, Signet, 1990/91), Flight (Dutton/Signet, 1992/93), and Saving Elijah (Putnam, 2000), which was inspired by the tragic death of Fran’s son, Michael, and which a starred Publisher’s Weekly review called, “a stunning tale that crackles with suspense, dark humor, and provocative questions.” A bereavement and creativity expert and psychotherapist, Fran holds advanced degrees in journalism, psychology, and social work. She is currently working on a book of personal essays called, “How I Lost My Bellybutton and Other Survival Stories"; and writes poetry, essays and articles on a variety of topics including bereavement. Using her unique background and experience, Fran has developed the WRITE TO HEAL WORKSHOP, which employs exercises, and fictional/interrogative techniques, some arising out of themes developed in Saving Elijah, to deepen and clarify self knowledge, stimulate the imagination, and generate meaningful story, memoir, metaphor, and/or image around loss. Fran has conducted the Workshop with a variety of groups including the bereaved, addicted, traumatized, homeless, women’s groups, those dealing with chronic or serious illness, and the mentally ill. Her essay, “My Son’s Name Was Michael – Not Elijah,” will be published in an anthology on therapeutic writing this spring. Fran is also an active philanthropist, and has a blog called THE BRUISED MUSE, an e-zine on “grief, life and everything in between” at http://www.frandorf.com/. For a workshop with your group, or for individual psychotherapy or counseling, contact Fran directly at frandorf@aol.com.
#
Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation National Conference on Widowhood, San Diego, California -- July 17-19, 2009
This event will provide a variety of inspiring role models, a hope-filled, supportive environment, and programs focused on giving women the tools they need to rebuild their lives after the devastating loss of a spouse. http://www.sslf.org/conference.html
#
Sharon - Grandma is a writer - http://grandmaisawriter.blogspot.com/ Shares thoughts about writing, about life and to promote the book, “Aloha is Forever” about the loss of her son in Hawaii who went on a hike and disappeared. http://www.tnchristianpublishers.com/products
#
Tiffany - Life after his Death -- Perspectives encountered from loss. http://acancerwidow.blogspot.com/
#
Christa Scalies lost her close friend Jim to suicide in 2005. Christa was on a self-destructive suicidal path but the shock of her friend’s death actually helped save her life. Experiencing the devastation of his sudden passing caused her to examine every detail of her life. Christa embarked on a path of self-healing, learning and laughing. In 2008 she created Giggle On!, a motivational and inspirational web site, to share her story and help empower people to enjoy the lighter and happier sides of life. Christa works to raise money and awareness for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. http://www.giggleon.com.
#
Crumbling Walls - a mother grieves the loss of her 18 year old son to suicide - http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/
#
Janine - Widow and mother of 6 Blog, One Breath at a Time - http://txmomx6.blogspot.com/
#
Carol O’Dell – Author “Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir” ISBN – 13:978-1-60164-003-1. http://www.Mothering-Mother.com - Family Advisor at http://www.caring.com/familyadvisor Blog - http://carolodell.wordpress.com
A bitingly humorous and unflinchingly honest memoir. Carol's mother has Parkinson's Disease, Alzheimer’s, and a heart condition and Carol's decision not to put her mother "in one of those homes" has far-reaching consequences for her family. She must learn to Mother her own mother. This refreshing and entertaining memoir will help baby boomers struggling with their own decisions on elder care in the home.
#
Widowsbreathe Coaching: Mie Elmhirst, CPCC, PCC provides Coaching, Support and Information for Widows www.widowsbreathe.com
#
Keepsakes, Etc. features Sympathy Throws as a bereavement gift for family and friends. They will embroider personalized messages on most throws and ship nationwide. http://www.keepsakes-etc.com/sympathygift.html
#
“Room for Two” by Widower Abel Keogh - http://abelkeogh.com/room-for-two/
#
Beautiful Earthen Urns - http://spiritkeeper-urns.com/
#
Resolving Grief with Hypnosis and EFT -Carol Henderson Certified Hypnotherapist
EFT Practitioner
New Day Hypnotherapy, LLC
Kansas City Area
Carol@NewDayHypno.com
http://www.newdayhypno.com/resolving_grief_with_hypnosis_and_eft.html
#
Marsha at “Breathings of the Heart” - Marsha began the blog as an outlet of musings, writings and journaling following the loss of her husband in 2005. Today, it continues to be an extension of her journey... may you enjoy the travels with her.
http://mfisteach.blogspot.com/
#
Cathy - Lessons From Lou - http://lessonsfromlou.blogspot.com/ - Cathy’s journey through the brain tumor world with her husband, Lou.
#
Ian - Single Parent Dad - http://www.singleparentdad.blogspot.com
#
Bill- Dying Man’s Daily Journal - http://hudds53.wordpress.com/
#
The Price of Love - http://thepriceoflove.net/ - a father's journey through breast cancer, bereavement and recovery.
#
Maureen’s Mission - http://www.maureensmission.org/thebook.php .- Breast Cancer Advocacy – One couple’s journey through misdiagnosis.
#
Lisa - Grace Between the Lines - http://bump-on-the-road.blogspot.com/ - Blog continues in memory of Annette, with a new name, Grace Between the Lines by her sister, Lisa.
#
Dr. Doris Jeanette, a holistic psychologist with 33 years of experience showing people how to find their own inner strengths, and author of" Opening the Heart", an emotional guide into healing your grieving heart from the bottom outward. http://www.drjeanette.com
Speaker, columnist, radio host and author of Opening the Heart, Overcoming Anxiety Naturally and 14 other self help products.
#
Eric Tomei - http://www.lostdadsclub.com/ Help me raise 1 Million dollars for Habitat for Humanity. It was my Dad's favorite charity. Please help me honor his memory and support this great organization. Author “I Miss My Dad.” Eric is an ordinary guy who wrote about her dad to deal with his grief.
#
Cindy Bullens – Recording artists and songwriter. http://www.cindybullens.com/workshop/ - “Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth: Grieving Out Loud”.
"When my daughter Jessie died on March 23, 1996, just weeks after her eleventh birthday, I felt my own life end. I couldn't imagine that I could ever again be a productive human being. Cindy has touched thousands of people around the world with Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth's inspired songs of despair and loss, love and hope.”
#
Betsy – author ISABELLE'S DREAM - Based on the true story of two sisters, / Isabelle’s Dream/ takes the reader on a heartwarming journey from grief to hope. The book's black-and-white illustrations invite children to bring their own creativity to each page, using crayons, markers, colored pencils, or even glitter glue. After coloring the sisters’ shimmering wings, butterflies, gardens, the earth, and the sea, boys and girls will find several blank activity pages. These pages encourage children to create original drawings or words.
Available through Quality of Life Publishing (www.qolpublishing.com; to order call *1-877-513-0099* during regular business hours Eastern time) or via amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com.
In memory of Sophia Zartarian Nagle, author Betsy Bottino Arenella is donating 100 percent of royalties from /Isabelle's Dream/ to the national charitable SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood) Program (www://sudc.org
#
http://widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com/ Widow's Voice - A place to find your own voice, to hear other widow's voices...and to find comfort in the fact that you are not alone.
#
Grief Sites
http://www.youngwidow.com – Provides a forum for young widows and widowers to connect online, find understanding and validation of their feelings so that they are able to recover their joy for life, reclaim their identities and rebuild their futures.
#
http://indygriefloss.com/index.htm - Indianapolis Grief & Loss Consulting Services
#
http://mymeaningfullife.com/ - Finding Meaning in Grief & Loss
Ligia M. Houben, is an author, consultant and educator. She consults with individuals and corporations on life transitions with the purpose of providing meaningful tools to transform losses and challenges. She obtained her B.A. from the University of Miami in psychology and Religious Studies and a Masters Degree in religious studies and gerontology from Florida International University. Ligia also has a Graduate Certificate in Loss and Healing from St. Thomas University and is a Certified Grief Counselor, a Certified Addiction Counselor and a Certified Thanatologist: death, dying and bereavement.
#
http://www.aarp.org/families/grief_loss/ - AARP – Helpful Links for Those After Loss of a loved one.
#
http://www.bereavementmag.com/page.cfm?pageid=9009 - Hope and Healing for the Body, Mind and Spirit. Living with Loss Magazine
#
http://www.centerforloss.com/index.php - Center for Loss and Life Transition
#
http://www.compassionbooks.com/store/index.php - More than 400 books, videos, and audios to help children and adults through serious illness, death and dying, grief, bereavement, and losses of all kinds, including divorce, suicide, trauma, and violence. Reviewed and selected by knowledgeable professionals.
#
http://www.coping-with-loss-and-grief.com/index.html - Grief Counseling, Bereavement Counseling
Individuals, Families, Small Grief Counseling Groups
#
http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/index.html - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross - Grief & Bereavement
#
http://www.goodbooksnw.com/ - GoodBooksNW is an independent online bookseller specializing in books on divorce, blended families and grief.
#
http://www.goodgriefresources.com/ - Bereavement, Loss and Grief Resources
#
http://www.griefsjourney.com/index.php?&MMN_position=1:1 - Grief's Journey, where the primary focus is on the bereavement for the loss of a spouse and life partner.
#
http://www.groww.org/Branches/gfwo.htm - GROWW For Widowed allows us to be or do whatever it takes to move forward, to know that letting go of the pain is not letting go of the memory of the love.
#
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm - Coping with Grief and Loss, Support for Grieving and Bereavement
#
http://www.missfoundation.org/index.html - M.I.S.S. Foundation, support when a child dies
#
http://atruecalling-truewonder.blogspot.com/ Truewonder lost her eldest son in 2003, little did I know that starting a blog in 2008 was the healing balm I most needed. It is a cleverly disguised blog about a sustainable farmer...as I have become just that. It started it out as farmer related stories, but my writing revealed to me that my grief, joy experiences were stories that caused many ripples in the lives of others.
#
http://www.momminusdad.com/ - Do you struggle to find resources and advice while you juggle your life with the needs of a newly widowed parent? Author Jamieson Haverkampf, gleaned intimate knowledge of balancing her own life with a newly widowed parent, having aided her fifty-six-year-old widowed mother in Virginia, while running her real estate business in California, after the early unpredicted loss of her father to cancer. “Mom Minus Dad”.
#
http://www.nmha.org/index.cfm?objectid=C7DF9618-1372-4D20-C807F41CB3E97654 - Coping With Bereavement - Mental Health America
#
http://www.onecaringplace.com/Default.asp?bhcd2=1233108612 - Publications to help you help others – One Caring Place
#
http://www.ourhouse-grief.org/services.html#opt3 - Our House, Helping Grieving Hearts Heal, Child and Adolescent Grief
#
http://www.pamblair.com - Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D., therapist and co-author of “I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One” (Sourcebooks, Inc.) as well as the companion workbook.
#
http://www.hospicenet.org/ - Hospice - For patients and families facing life-threatening illness
#
http://www.solacehouse.org/ - Solace House - A Center for Grieving Children and their Families.
##
Open to Hope Foundation and The Grief Blog at http://www.opentohope.com and http://www.thegriefblog.com - Articles, radio show and information to help those who have suffered a loss.
#
Widowslist - A blog and community where widows share problems and triumphs with lists of helpful people, companies and services. http://www.widowslist.com
#
Jenslove – http://www.jenslove.com/"> – cofounders Mark Manning and Jessica Caron. A place to celebrate those loved and lost
#
Loss, Grief and Bereavement – National Cancer Institute www.ncipoet.com/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/bereavement/Patient/page9
#
American Widow Project - http://americanwidowproject.org/index.php?link=1 - The American Widow Project is a non-profit organization dedicated to the new generation of those who have lost the heroes of yesterday, today and tomorrow, with an emphasis on healing through sharing stories, tears and laughter………Military Widow to Military Widow
#
Garden of Innocence National – Dignified burial for abandoned children http://www.gardenofinnocence.org/keegansstory.html
#
Neil Chethik - http://www.neilchethik.com/fatherloss.htm - Author “Father Loss, How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Death of their Dads.”
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Dealing with New Loss or Grief During the Holidays
I recall very well the first holidays, anniversaries and birthdays alone as a widow. Sometimes you want to be with others and other times you will want to be alone. It's important not to isolate yourself, but do be kind to yourself during these stressful moments. If you need to cry, do so. If you need support, ask for it. True friends and family that love you will be there to lend support. Sometimes we're afraid to ask for that support, but on the other side, sometimes those friends aren't sure what to do for you, even if it's just listening while you talk or sitting quietly with you for support.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Sorting Through the Old Loss to Welcome the New Year
This is one of my more heavier posts in many months. But ultimately, it is a timely post as we get ready to welcome a new year. I always love the advance of a new year. There are so many possibilities ahead, so many avenues and opportunities for life in all of us.
For the last several months I have been working with life coach Janet Greene of Greene's Release, through some issues that had lain dormant, unbeknownst to me, in the last five or six years. I guess some of the upwelling of emotional dramas I had been feeling this month were undealt with shocks and memories from the past. Certain events seems to bring these emotional dramas close to the surface; resulting in a feeling of being stuck in place, annoyance, resignation and even a sense of apathy and regression.
I received a small gift in the mail at the beginning of December from a well meaning person. The gift set off this chain of thoughts and unexpected feelings, stirring memories that had remained buried for many years. There's a book out called Feelings Buried Alive Never Die and without having read that book, that would be the gist of this post today. Sometimes we feel the need to bury feelings so we can go on living day-to-day. We're not always aware we've buried them. At times it feels like the easist thing we can do for ourselves is ignore pain that rips at us, just let it be and hope it will go away with time.
Well, this is five years down the road and it just so happens this month some of that buried emotion started to unbury itself and I felt like I was literally being swamped all over again, in grief. I didn't understand what was happening and I didn't want to even look at what was causing the problem -- but I had to. So I made the decision to address what the heck was going on. I felt I had come so far in my life on my life after loss journey, and yet December I learned I hadn't sorted through everything in regards to this loss.
My friend of 18 years passed away at 53 years of age the week before Christmas. Since I'd known she was sick with cancer in February of this year, I had a heavy feeling for the outcome. I wondered did I have that feeling because my husband had died from cancer also? She had endometrial cancer and it was quite advanced. The doctors gave her a variety of mixed outcomes, but in my mind I felt it was the end.
I supported her as best I could, but all the time I was peddling toward what I feared was the inevitable outcome of this disease for her. She did everything the doctors suggested, the treatments they set up for her, beginning in March. They operated, they did the chemo and the protocols. My friend grew progressively weaker. One of the many times I went to see her in the hospital -- I thought I was in the wrong room. I didn't recognize her. I am glad she was asleep and didn't know of my instinctive move to back out of the room.
She remained cheerful and upbeat, even though she said to me several times she didn't think she was going to make it. Immediately after the chemo treatments, which went on for months, the doctors said she was in remission. This did not make sense to me, given her weak, debilitated state. My friend wondered about that also, but continued to trust in her doctor's care. What else could she do? She refused to have hospice, she said to her it was like giving up. I explained that my husband had been on hospice for pain control for seven months, and if they wanted to help her, let them have someone with her during the day to help her. It was a difficult situation for her, from my perspective. She was proud, independent and had always been very self-sufficient, raising 5 kids on her own. Now, she was dependent on others for her care and it remained difficult for her to accept that care, even to the point where at times I could see she pushed her family away.
In the end, her family and friends were with her in the hospital when she died. I was there the last hour also. I had driven that night, making the 3 hour round trip. I was going to wait until the next day but something inside urged me to go that night. I arrived to find her comatose, hooked up to a respirator. I could see it was pumping the oxygen into her. The only time she responded was when her son told her he was going to bring her dog in to see her. My friend had always had an incredible rapport with and love of her animals. This is the only time I saw her open her eyes when they mentioned her dog. I said my goodbye to her and told her I would miss her, and then knowing they were going to remove the life support, I left. She died as I was half way home, I later found out. I went to her funeral and it was a nice service with people getting up and speaking of my friend in honest and thoughtful ways. As I sat there the hot tears came to my eyes went down my cheeks. I pondered the loss and said the final goodbye, knowing she was somewhere in that church.
That same week my neighbor's pregnant daughter lost her baby in childbirth. They did everything they could to save the baby boy, but his organs were failing and he had been deprived of oxygen and nutrients inutero. It was incredibly sad to think of this young couple, the week before glowing with anticipatory happiness of the impending birth. I felt sad for my neighbors, the grandparents, because they too had lost a child many years before at birth. I sometimes wonder how this all works out in each of our lives -- the ripple effects it has on each of us, not only immediately but many years later. The sadness of loss is so very real and deep. But it gets deeper when we bury it within ourselves. It comes out in various ways through the years in actions and emotions -- and we're not always aware of the source of these emotions. When the emotional shock isn't dealt with, it festers beneath the surface, an unscabbed, unhealed wound.
The little gift I received triggered something within me this month, followed by the two deaths one upon each other. The gift was a keepsake ornament given to me by someone who had a good heart but mistakenly
thought this would be of comfort to me. It was meant to hang on a tree or in your house and you insert a picture of your loved one and it says "Remember me".
I felt this gift was out of place in my life, after five years. I had moved my life forward, the emotions looked at and dissected fully, and to have this ornament show up now stirred up the remnants of tears and emotions as yet undealt with.
I will donate the gift to someone newly bereaved, because it is not something that I need any longer. I have a small area in my house where there are pictures of my husband, myself and my kids. The loss no longer hurts but is a gentle remembrance of a life that has changed and evolved to who we are as individuals and as a family today.
I am through this month being bogged down with vague feelings of depression and fear, facing the tears inside that I've left uncried, the feelings that I've let go unacknowledged. Feeling these buried emotions, letting them speak fully to me, is a gift to myself for a new year of new beginnings. I am free of the chains of my emotional enslavement. The fears which held me are dissolved and blown away.
Janet Greene is a Life Coach who developed the Greene's Release method. You can learn to release what's holding you back from being truly happy and successful and living your true potential. She can be found at http://www.greenesrelease.com">
For the last several months I have been working with life coach Janet Greene of Greene's Release, through some issues that had lain dormant, unbeknownst to me, in the last five or six years. I guess some of the upwelling of emotional dramas I had been feeling this month were undealt with shocks and memories from the past. Certain events seems to bring these emotional dramas close to the surface; resulting in a feeling of being stuck in place, annoyance, resignation and even a sense of apathy and regression.
I received a small gift in the mail at the beginning of December from a well meaning person. The gift set off this chain of thoughts and unexpected feelings, stirring memories that had remained buried for many years. There's a book out called Feelings Buried Alive Never Die and without having read that book, that would be the gist of this post today. Sometimes we feel the need to bury feelings so we can go on living day-to-day. We're not always aware we've buried them. At times it feels like the easist thing we can do for ourselves is ignore pain that rips at us, just let it be and hope it will go away with time.
Well, this is five years down the road and it just so happens this month some of that buried emotion started to unbury itself and I felt like I was literally being swamped all over again, in grief. I didn't understand what was happening and I didn't want to even look at what was causing the problem -- but I had to. So I made the decision to address what the heck was going on. I felt I had come so far in my life on my life after loss journey, and yet December I learned I hadn't sorted through everything in regards to this loss.
My friend of 18 years passed away at 53 years of age the week before Christmas. Since I'd known she was sick with cancer in February of this year, I had a heavy feeling for the outcome. I wondered did I have that feeling because my husband had died from cancer also? She had endometrial cancer and it was quite advanced. The doctors gave her a variety of mixed outcomes, but in my mind I felt it was the end.
I supported her as best I could, but all the time I was peddling toward what I feared was the inevitable outcome of this disease for her. She did everything the doctors suggested, the treatments they set up for her, beginning in March. They operated, they did the chemo and the protocols. My friend grew progressively weaker. One of the many times I went to see her in the hospital -- I thought I was in the wrong room. I didn't recognize her. I am glad she was asleep and didn't know of my instinctive move to back out of the room.
She remained cheerful and upbeat, even though she said to me several times she didn't think she was going to make it. Immediately after the chemo treatments, which went on for months, the doctors said she was in remission. This did not make sense to me, given her weak, debilitated state. My friend wondered about that also, but continued to trust in her doctor's care. What else could she do? She refused to have hospice, she said to her it was like giving up. I explained that my husband had been on hospice for pain control for seven months, and if they wanted to help her, let them have someone with her during the day to help her. It was a difficult situation for her, from my perspective. She was proud, independent and had always been very self-sufficient, raising 5 kids on her own. Now, she was dependent on others for her care and it remained difficult for her to accept that care, even to the point where at times I could see she pushed her family away.
In the end, her family and friends were with her in the hospital when she died. I was there the last hour also. I had driven that night, making the 3 hour round trip. I was going to wait until the next day but something inside urged me to go that night. I arrived to find her comatose, hooked up to a respirator. I could see it was pumping the oxygen into her. The only time she responded was when her son told her he was going to bring her dog in to see her. My friend had always had an incredible rapport with and love of her animals. This is the only time I saw her open her eyes when they mentioned her dog. I said my goodbye to her and told her I would miss her, and then knowing they were going to remove the life support, I left. She died as I was half way home, I later found out. I went to her funeral and it was a nice service with people getting up and speaking of my friend in honest and thoughtful ways. As I sat there the hot tears came to my eyes went down my cheeks. I pondered the loss and said the final goodbye, knowing she was somewhere in that church.
That same week my neighbor's pregnant daughter lost her baby in childbirth. They did everything they could to save the baby boy, but his organs were failing and he had been deprived of oxygen and nutrients inutero. It was incredibly sad to think of this young couple, the week before glowing with anticipatory happiness of the impending birth. I felt sad for my neighbors, the grandparents, because they too had lost a child many years before at birth. I sometimes wonder how this all works out in each of our lives -- the ripple effects it has on each of us, not only immediately but many years later. The sadness of loss is so very real and deep. But it gets deeper when we bury it within ourselves. It comes out in various ways through the years in actions and emotions -- and we're not always aware of the source of these emotions. When the emotional shock isn't dealt with, it festers beneath the surface, an unscabbed, unhealed wound.
The little gift I received triggered something within me this month, followed by the two deaths one upon each other. The gift was a keepsake ornament given to me by someone who had a good heart but mistakenly
thought this would be of comfort to me. It was meant to hang on a tree or in your house and you insert a picture of your loved one and it says "Remember me".
I felt this gift was out of place in my life, after five years. I had moved my life forward, the emotions looked at and dissected fully, and to have this ornament show up now stirred up the remnants of tears and emotions as yet undealt with.
I will donate the gift to someone newly bereaved, because it is not something that I need any longer. I have a small area in my house where there are pictures of my husband, myself and my kids. The loss no longer hurts but is a gentle remembrance of a life that has changed and evolved to who we are as individuals and as a family today.
I am through this month being bogged down with vague feelings of depression and fear, facing the tears inside that I've left uncried, the feelings that I've let go unacknowledged. Feeling these buried emotions, letting them speak fully to me, is a gift to myself for a new year of new beginnings. I am free of the chains of my emotional enslavement. The fears which held me are dissolved and blown away.
Janet Greene is a Life Coach who developed the Greene's Release method. You can learn to release what's holding you back from being truly happy and successful and living your true potential. She can be found at http://www.greenesrelease.com">
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Seeing the Other Side of the Coin
Today my youngest looked over at me and asked me why I was different than other mothers. Curiously, I asked him in what way. He replied that I come up with some pretty strange and different stuff and he didn't know any other mother who would do that. I laughed and made a freakishly stupid face, almost automatically. He laughed too, and said, "yeah, stuff like that." (Or maybe he meant when he used to get off the bus and we'd run toward each other and belly bump. Or when we walked up the road and he was going on one hundred pounds and I'd offer to carry him on my back. Or maybe it was just me coming into the woods with him and hauling out firewood blocks because I didn't want him in the woods by himself).
Well, I told him, (unconcerned to look silly in front of my kids), it keeps life interesting. He agreed and said it was never boring. Coming from a sixteen year old, that is certainly a compliment. It quite made my day and I thanked him.
Well, I told him, (unconcerned to look silly in front of my kids), it keeps life interesting. He agreed and said it was never boring. Coming from a sixteen year old, that is certainly a compliment. It quite made my day and I thanked him.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Living Fully
Life is certainly different after loss, and it's true we don't have a clue how it will turn out. I've changed in so many ways, grown stronger as new experiences have reshaped my life today. I try to remain open to living, and I am at a different place than I ever might have imagined. My life and interests have branched off on a totally different course than if my husband had lived. And at this time, 4 years later, I know life, despite everything, is good for me.
It has become vitally important for me to do the things I enjoy, even start new interests that I've always wanted to try. I've reshaped my life socially, because relationship dynamics change when you're no longer part of a couple. But all in all, I have grown and become empowered through this process. And grief is an ongoing process. It's so important not to shut down or get stuck in anger or bitterness. We can't allow ourselves to spin in place very long and remain stuck looking back at what we had and what might have been. Life is for living and I intend to live my share and perhaps a bit more.
It has become vitally important for me to do the things I enjoy, even start new interests that I've always wanted to try. I've reshaped my life socially, because relationship dynamics change when you're no longer part of a couple. But all in all, I have grown and become empowered through this process. And grief is an ongoing process. It's so important not to shut down or get stuck in anger or bitterness. We can't allow ourselves to spin in place very long and remain stuck looking back at what we had and what might have been. Life is for living and I intend to live my share and perhaps a bit more.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Stress as a Widow’s Companion
Elaine Williams ©2008
Beginning a life as a widow was not an easy one for me, and whether you want it or not, it is a new life. Strange, alien, different from anything you have ever known. Many days I resisted any type of change, whether it was physical or emotional. I felt too tired dealing with the day-to-day stresses to think about allowing one more thing to change, no matter how small.
Of course, you can only float for so long avoiding the changes. Your life has turned around drastically and maybe even in small ways after the loss of a spouse, but eventually you have to acknowledge the changes as they take root. Once a widow, your life is never the same.
Some of the obvious changes occur as follows:
1. Incomes can be halved, and in some cases, become nonexistent with the death of a spouse.
2. Tax filing status, and the tax implications. I found it best to have an accountant to consult for income tax preparation.
3. Socially. You’re no longer part of a couple. Sometimes other married couples aren’t sure where you fit into the social circle. At times, you’re not sure where you fit in anymore. There is always an adjustment and this may possibly mean letting go of old friends and being open to meeting new friends.
4. Ecomically. The bills are still coming regularly, despite death. If you have children, it can be especially difficult dealing with this part of your life. Young children may need daycare, older children may be in college, and the in between is you’re still buying food, clothing, and the everyday essentials for living. Your children will be eligible for social security until they’re eighteen and in high school, and you may receive social security benefits for yourself until the youngest child is sixteen. Even though I had four years to prepare for the time I would no longer receive that help from social security, it was still a daunting prospect to think of my income dropping again.
My income halved when my husband died, and then it halved again when social security stopped. However, a little creativity and planning can go a long way.
5. Family. The family unit is minus one. As the surviving spouse, we do the best we can, being mother/father combined. I tried to keep things as normal and rational as possible for my children and myself. Some days were easier than others.
6. Physically. Given the economics and almost certain changes to lifestyle, this can be the most taxing challenge. You need to take care of yourself and deal with any stress in your life in the kindest way possible. Otherwise you may have difficulty taking care of anything else.
7. Emotionally. My husband’s death, the extreme feeling of loss, threw me into an emotional tailspin. Some days felt like a virtual roller coaster, and I hate roller coasters. Everyone processes their grief experience in their own way and time. Don’t try to rush into any major decisions, especially in the first 12 months of loss.
8. Support. I found it beneficial to accept help from outside sources; family, friends, grief support groups, therapists. Support, in any form, will ultimately help in the grief process. Keeping your fears, feelings and emotions suppressed can serve to make you ill and perhaps delay the entire grief process. And it is a process.
So move slowly through your life as it is now. I recall times I wanted to rush ahead to get through the terrible feelings, the fears, the tears, the feeling of abandonment. I am four years into this journey, and some days it was excruciating, while other days it felt okay.
In the end, I learned to fully embrace my fears, so I could then kick them to the curb and freely be who I needed to be. A woman newly evolved.
Beginning a life as a widow was not an easy one for me, and whether you want it or not, it is a new life. Strange, alien, different from anything you have ever known. Many days I resisted any type of change, whether it was physical or emotional. I felt too tired dealing with the day-to-day stresses to think about allowing one more thing to change, no matter how small.
Of course, you can only float for so long avoiding the changes. Your life has turned around drastically and maybe even in small ways after the loss of a spouse, but eventually you have to acknowledge the changes as they take root. Once a widow, your life is never the same.
Some of the obvious changes occur as follows:
1. Incomes can be halved, and in some cases, become nonexistent with the death of a spouse.
2. Tax filing status, and the tax implications. I found it best to have an accountant to consult for income tax preparation.
3. Socially. You’re no longer part of a couple. Sometimes other married couples aren’t sure where you fit into the social circle. At times, you’re not sure where you fit in anymore. There is always an adjustment and this may possibly mean letting go of old friends and being open to meeting new friends.
4. Ecomically. The bills are still coming regularly, despite death. If you have children, it can be especially difficult dealing with this part of your life. Young children may need daycare, older children may be in college, and the in between is you’re still buying food, clothing, and the everyday essentials for living. Your children will be eligible for social security until they’re eighteen and in high school, and you may receive social security benefits for yourself until the youngest child is sixteen. Even though I had four years to prepare for the time I would no longer receive that help from social security, it was still a daunting prospect to think of my income dropping again.
My income halved when my husband died, and then it halved again when social security stopped. However, a little creativity and planning can go a long way.
5. Family. The family unit is minus one. As the surviving spouse, we do the best we can, being mother/father combined. I tried to keep things as normal and rational as possible for my children and myself. Some days were easier than others.
6. Physically. Given the economics and almost certain changes to lifestyle, this can be the most taxing challenge. You need to take care of yourself and deal with any stress in your life in the kindest way possible. Otherwise you may have difficulty taking care of anything else.
7. Emotionally. My husband’s death, the extreme feeling of loss, threw me into an emotional tailspin. Some days felt like a virtual roller coaster, and I hate roller coasters. Everyone processes their grief experience in their own way and time. Don’t try to rush into any major decisions, especially in the first 12 months of loss.
8. Support. I found it beneficial to accept help from outside sources; family, friends, grief support groups, therapists. Support, in any form, will ultimately help in the grief process. Keeping your fears, feelings and emotions suppressed can serve to make you ill and perhaps delay the entire grief process. And it is a process.
So move slowly through your life as it is now. I recall times I wanted to rush ahead to get through the terrible feelings, the fears, the tears, the feeling of abandonment. I am four years into this journey, and some days it was excruciating, while other days it felt okay.
In the end, I learned to fully embrace my fears, so I could then kick them to the curb and freely be who I needed to be. A woman newly evolved.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Visiting Other Blogs
One practice I've gotten into is visiting other blogs in relation to loss, grief and widows. It's amazing the diversity of thoughts out there, and yet there's always that common thread, loss of a loved one. There is such a wide range of emotion in the grief process, and yet many of us share the most basic reaction to death; feelings of despair, perhaps abandonment -- and the mindset that life will never be the same again.
One thing that has been brought home to me is that every new day can present a unique set of circumstances. How we react in our daily life shape us -- but only as long as we allow it to. We can integrate change any time we wish, sometimes slow, sometimes not. No one should ever expect a grieving individual to forget the past. Our past, our relationships, made us who we are. Just because we are able to have joy again in our lives doesn't diminish the anguish and pain that we once felt so keenly.
One thing that has been brought home to me is that every new day can present a unique set of circumstances. How we react in our daily life shape us -- but only as long as we allow it to. We can integrate change any time we wish, sometimes slow, sometimes not. No one should ever expect a grieving individual to forget the past. Our past, our relationships, made us who we are. Just because we are able to have joy again in our lives doesn't diminish the anguish and pain that we once felt so keenly.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
When Does Touch Become Critical?
Elaine Williams ©2008
When does it become critical that you be touched with love or affection? Does something happen to those of us out of relationships for extended periods of time due to divorce, loss of a spouse or physical separation?
Speaking for myself, as a widow of four years, some days it feels like I have a yearning to be touched with familiarity, love, affection or tenderness. My mind aches for the intimate brush of fingertips, a soft touch of lips upon mine. Is it selfish to want that again in my life – to have something beyond a quick coupling or an unsatisfactory relationship?
I value myself more than the cursory affair might allow, so I have decided I want more in my life than a short-sighted tryst, a quick something that leads to nothing. Where am I on this plane of thought? Am I withholding my affections for a specific purpose? Another marriage? No, at this point I am merely looking for something satisfying in body and spirit that may turn into a long term relationship.
I have purposely chosen to walk my path alone at this time, when I feel so acutely the lack of companionship in my life. The affection of friends and family count, but not in the greater degree of when I am alone and have time to think about my life circumstances. It is a different type of affection I crave, and will eventually have in my life. I practice patience, but some days I admit patience is short lived.
How long is too long to go without an affectionate human touch? It feels like an aeon of time has passed. There’s always the fear that the wait may prove fruitless in the long run. Will I regret waiting for the right one at the end of my life if he doesn’t show up?
Will I wish I had seized every moment that might have been -- good, bad or indifferent? I feel in my gut there is a grand plan, but perhaps I’m just fooling myself to keep from panicking. The thought of being alone for the next thirty years increases that rumbling of dismay. I deserve to find happiness – I had it once, shouldn’t I experience it again? There is no giving up, it is not within me to just roll over and play dead.
I have a wonderful, enriched life, why shouldn’t I share it with another? Is it critical to be touched when you yearn for it so much that it makes your skin itch and tears come to your eyes? Is that when you know your time to wait is up? You can be proactive, but in the end all you can do is live, be present in life, and wait until that hand touches your shoulder and you turn knowingly into someone’s loving embrace. Some days even twenty-four hours seems it is too long to go without a loving touch. How then would you classify 1460 days without that loving touch?
When does it become critical that you be touched with love or affection? Does something happen to those of us out of relationships for extended periods of time due to divorce, loss of a spouse or physical separation?
Speaking for myself, as a widow of four years, some days it feels like I have a yearning to be touched with familiarity, love, affection or tenderness. My mind aches for the intimate brush of fingertips, a soft touch of lips upon mine. Is it selfish to want that again in my life – to have something beyond a quick coupling or an unsatisfactory relationship?
I value myself more than the cursory affair might allow, so I have decided I want more in my life than a short-sighted tryst, a quick something that leads to nothing. Where am I on this plane of thought? Am I withholding my affections for a specific purpose? Another marriage? No, at this point I am merely looking for something satisfying in body and spirit that may turn into a long term relationship.
I have purposely chosen to walk my path alone at this time, when I feel so acutely the lack of companionship in my life. The affection of friends and family count, but not in the greater degree of when I am alone and have time to think about my life circumstances. It is a different type of affection I crave, and will eventually have in my life. I practice patience, but some days I admit patience is short lived.
How long is too long to go without an affectionate human touch? It feels like an aeon of time has passed. There’s always the fear that the wait may prove fruitless in the long run. Will I regret waiting for the right one at the end of my life if he doesn’t show up?
Will I wish I had seized every moment that might have been -- good, bad or indifferent? I feel in my gut there is a grand plan, but perhaps I’m just fooling myself to keep from panicking. The thought of being alone for the next thirty years increases that rumbling of dismay. I deserve to find happiness – I had it once, shouldn’t I experience it again? There is no giving up, it is not within me to just roll over and play dead.
I have a wonderful, enriched life, why shouldn’t I share it with another? Is it critical to be touched when you yearn for it so much that it makes your skin itch and tears come to your eyes? Is that when you know your time to wait is up? You can be proactive, but in the end all you can do is live, be present in life, and wait until that hand touches your shoulder and you turn knowingly into someone’s loving embrace. Some days even twenty-four hours seems it is too long to go without a loving touch. How then would you classify 1460 days without that loving touch?
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Living Fully
Sometimes there are other losses, such as divorce, that can mirror the pain and loss of a loved one through death. That's not to say it's the same, but it is filled with pain, all the same. Many of the same feelings, fears and situations arise out of both situations. Loss is a universal emptiness, and yes, we do learn to move on, if we keep ourselves open to life and living, as hard as it is at times.
Being four years into this process I have pretty much reinvented myself. Many times it was incredibly hard walking this road, but I write about my loss experience for others to see you're not alone, and we can triumph and go on to a wonderful life, even after our loss.
You create new friendships, interests and sometimes it feels like a metamorphis taking place. At times I resisted change, afterall, change can be scary, but ultimately, I made myself step forward and experience what came to me. Good and bad.
I've come to learn that what shows up is there for a reason, so I can't hide my head in the sand and ignore them. I take what I can from the experience and leave the rest. It's called living. And I choose to live fully.
Being four years into this process I have pretty much reinvented myself. Many times it was incredibly hard walking this road, but I write about my loss experience for others to see you're not alone, and we can triumph and go on to a wonderful life, even after our loss.
You create new friendships, interests and sometimes it feels like a metamorphis taking place. At times I resisted change, afterall, change can be scary, but ultimately, I made myself step forward and experience what came to me. Good and bad.
I've come to learn that what shows up is there for a reason, so I can't hide my head in the sand and ignore them. I take what I can from the experience and leave the rest. It's called living. And I choose to live fully.
Monday, March 31, 2008
The Aftermath...is Grief Ever Good?
A thought. Have you ever considered grief good in any way, shape or form? For three and a half years you’re locked in combat with yourself, and the world around you as it changes. In time all things adapt, and somehow we open our eyes and learn something different, that you are indeed changed by your grief experience and you are therefore, different; newer, stronger, wiser and hopefully more loving and compassionate. Should we thank grief for allowing us to experience all that is different in our world? Have we in the grief process evolved into who we were meant to be? We got a push or a shove on this journey…has it turned out in any way more than you could ever have envisioned for yourself?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
