Grief and mourning during the holidays can be very draining, not only for those mourning the loss of a loved one, but for those around you also. Our friends and family want us to be happy, but at times, it seems like there's nothing that can help us lift this despair. Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen or perhaps a read from someone who has been in your shoes and understands what you're experiencing.
During this sometimes stressful period, I'd like to offer my book, "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" at an appreciable discount. My mission is and always has been to get the book out to those who really need to read it -- or get it into the hands of those who know someone that needs to read it. Perhaps you are that someone or know that someone in your family, community or circle of friends.
Please use this direct link for your discount. If you would like the book autographed, please email me at onwingspress@yahoo.com or write a short note on the special instructions on the paypal order page. You do not have to be a member of paypal, but can pay securely with major credit card.
You can go to the link on my website or the link on the right to order through paypal.
Website:
http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com/order.html
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Desert Year - A Blog About the Desolation of Losing a Child
I found a blog today -- or rather Gannet Girl found me. It's "Desert Year", URL below, the heartbreaking reflections of a parent having lost their 24 year old child only 6 months ago. I lost my spouse, the father of my children, and that was an experience I struggled with for five years. To my way of thinking, losing a child would seem to be absolutely the most devastating experience anyone could endure.
I too have a twenty four year old son.
http://www.desertyear.blogspot.com/">
I too have a twenty four year old son.
http://www.desertyear.blogspot.com/">
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Virtual Blog Tour of Sites Related to Loss, Grief and Bereavement
Blog Tour
This list is a wonderful compilation of books, blogs, websites, services, magazine….all related in some manner to loss, grief and bereavement. This is by no means a complete list, but it is a start.
(No endorsement is made and all sites listed are for information purposes only.)
A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss by Elaine Williams, a widow’s journey through loss, grief and renewal. http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com. Blog: http://www.ajourneywelltaken.blogspot.com Midwest Book Review, 5 Stars.
#
Dave Pipitone - "The Hope Patch", http://www.thehopepatch.com is a way to remember those who have passed on. Articles and resources for living with hope for new life.
#
Wendy L. Christensen: An inspirational letter written by Wendy at 15, to her older brother Travis who died at 17. “This letter was therapeutic for me and I have received so many emails and phone calls over it. My brother, Travis, had a huge impact on my life.” "It's the Little Moments that Matter" contains 26 simple steps to enrich every moment of life! http://www.littlemomentsthatmatter.com/travis.html
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Jane Galbraith’s "Baby Boomers Face Grief - Survival and Recovery". Jane’s background is a degree in nursing and 20 years working in the community health care system. If you would like more info on the book you can find the introductory chapter and her bio etc at http://www.trafford.com/05-2319
#
Carol Ann Loehr - Website for Understanding Suicide & Depression – http://www.thegiftofkeith.org
On March 29, 1999 , our son Keith died by suicide. At the time of his death I had no knowledge of suicide, and I was inundated with inaccurate and outdated description of suicide and its causes. In 2002, I created a website of information to help comfort and educate survivors of suicide, as well as clergy, health care professionals and counselors. In 2006 I wrote a children's book, “My Uncle Keith Died”. This book helps explain a death by suicide and the illness of depression. Available at Trafford Publishing or call Toll Free (888)232-4444; and Amazon.com.
#
Sandy Fox - "I Have No Intention of Saying Goodbye." Sandy interviewed 25 sets of parents about the death of a child and how they have moved on with their lives. Sandy’s story is in the book also. http://www.sandyfoxauthor.comwww.survivinggrief.blogspot.com
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Annette Gonzalez: http://www.marinasabundance.blogspot.com/
Website: http://www.orphanat60.com Annette writes and speaks about feeling like an "orphan" at sixty years of age. Her father died five months after her mother. Shares her experiences as a daughter, caregiver, wife and mother.
#
The Light Beyond, Lucie Storrs – http://www.thelightbeyond.com Grief forum, inspirational movie and helpful bereavement site. “Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep” ebook of over 250 sympathy poems, quotations and readings for funerals, memorial services and inner peace. “If There's Anything I Can Do” guide for friends and families of the bereaved.
#
Research Study on Social Relationships and Loss
A new study on social relationships and loss is being conducted by a doctoral student at The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. You are invited to participate in this important new study investigating interpersonal relationships and how they might have affected your feelings about your loss.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=yXh28AbGKsj9ycoMzVE7ew_3d_3d
Questions or would like the questionnaires sent to you, contact Naomi Edelson by phone at (415) 290-0164 or by email at lossresearch@gmail.com.
#
A Masters degree and 24 years of Adoption Social Work did not prepare Chris Mulligan for the devastation after the death of her son, Zac. Her grief journey, revealed through “Afterlife Agreements: A Gift From Beyond” describes in detail the mother/son relationship that continues beyond death through documented signs and communication. Healing and a new life emerged as the result of learning about life lessons, death and the afterlife. http://Afterlifebooks.com
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Harry Line Helping Parents Deal with The Loss of Their Baby - http://the-harry-line-helpingparents.blogspot.com/
#
Fran Dorf’s acclaimed, internationally published psychological novels include A Reasonable Madness (Birch Lane, Signet, 1990/91), Flight (Dutton/Signet, 1992/93), and Saving Elijah (Putnam, 2000), which was inspired by the tragic death of Fran’s son, Michael, and which a starred Publisher’s Weekly review called, “a stunning tale that crackles with suspense, dark humor, and provocative questions.” A bereavement and creativity expert and psychotherapist, Fran holds advanced degrees in journalism, psychology, and social work. She is currently working on a book of personal essays called, “How I Lost My Bellybutton and Other Survival Stories"; and writes poetry, essays and articles on a variety of topics including bereavement. Using her unique background and experience, Fran has developed the WRITE TO HEAL WORKSHOP, which employs exercises, and fictional/interrogative techniques, some arising out of themes developed in Saving Elijah, to deepen and clarify self knowledge, stimulate the imagination, and generate meaningful story, memoir, metaphor, and/or image around loss. Fran has conducted the Workshop with a variety of groups including the bereaved, addicted, traumatized, homeless, women’s groups, those dealing with chronic or serious illness, and the mentally ill. Her essay, “My Son’s Name Was Michael – Not Elijah,” will be published in an anthology on therapeutic writing this spring. Fran is also an active philanthropist, and has a blog called THE BRUISED MUSE, an e-zine on “grief, life and everything in between” at http://www.frandorf.com/. For a workshop with your group, or for individual psychotherapy or counseling, contact Fran directly at frandorf@aol.com.
#
Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation National Conference on Widowhood, San Diego, California -- July 17-19, 2009
This event will provide a variety of inspiring role models, a hope-filled, supportive environment, and programs focused on giving women the tools they need to rebuild their lives after the devastating loss of a spouse. http://www.sslf.org/conference.html
#
Sharon - Grandma is a writer - http://grandmaisawriter.blogspot.com/ Shares thoughts about writing, about life and to promote the book, “Aloha is Forever” about the loss of her son in Hawaii who went on a hike and disappeared. http://www.tnchristianpublishers.com/products
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Tiffany - Life after his Death -- Perspectives encountered from loss. http://acancerwidow.blogspot.com/
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Christa Scalies lost her close friend Jim to suicide in 2005. Christa was on a self-destructive suicidal path but the shock of her friend’s death actually helped save her life. Experiencing the devastation of his sudden passing caused her to examine every detail of her life. Christa embarked on a path of self-healing, learning and laughing. In 2008 she created Giggle On!, a motivational and inspirational web site, to share her story and help empower people to enjoy the lighter and happier sides of life. Christa works to raise money and awareness for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. http://www.giggleon.com.
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Crumbling Walls - a mother grieves the loss of her 18 year old son to suicide - http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/
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Janine - Widow and mother of 6 Blog, One Breath at a Time - http://txmomx6.blogspot.com/
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Carol O’Dell – Author “Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir” ISBN – 13:978-1-60164-003-1. http://www.Mothering-Mother.com - Family Advisor at http://www.caring.com/familyadvisor Blog - http://carolodell.wordpress.com
A bitingly humorous and unflinchingly honest memoir. Carol's mother has Parkinson's Disease, Alzheimer’s, and a heart condition and Carol's decision not to put her mother "in one of those homes" has far-reaching consequences for her family. She must learn to Mother her own mother. This refreshing and entertaining memoir will help baby boomers struggling with their own decisions on elder care in the home.
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Widowsbreathe Coaching: Mie Elmhirst, CPCC, PCC provides Coaching, Support and Information for Widows www.widowsbreathe.com
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Keepsakes, Etc. features Sympathy Throws as a bereavement gift for family and friends. They will embroider personalized messages on most throws and ship nationwide. http://www.keepsakes-etc.com/sympathygift.html
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“Room for Two” by Widower Abel Keogh - http://abelkeogh.com/room-for-two/
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Beautiful Earthen Urns - http://spiritkeeper-urns.com/
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Resolving Grief with Hypnosis and EFT -Carol Henderson Certified Hypnotherapist
EFT Practitioner
New Day Hypnotherapy, LLC
Kansas City Area
Carol@NewDayHypno.com
http://www.newdayhypno.com/resolving_grief_with_hypnosis_and_eft.html
#
Marsha at “Breathings of the Heart” - Marsha began the blog as an outlet of musings, writings and journaling following the loss of her husband in 2005. Today, it continues to be an extension of her journey... may you enjoy the travels with her.
http://mfisteach.blogspot.com/
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Cathy - Lessons From Lou - http://lessonsfromlou.blogspot.com/ - Cathy’s journey through the brain tumor world with her husband, Lou.
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Ian - Single Parent Dad - http://www.singleparentdad.blogspot.com
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Bill- Dying Man’s Daily Journal - http://hudds53.wordpress.com/
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The Price of Love - http://thepriceoflove.net/ - a father's journey through breast cancer, bereavement and recovery.
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Maureen’s Mission - http://www.maureensmission.org/thebook.php .- Breast Cancer Advocacy – One couple’s journey through misdiagnosis.
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Lisa - Grace Between the Lines - http://bump-on-the-road.blogspot.com/ - Blog continues in memory of Annette, with a new name, Grace Between the Lines by her sister, Lisa.
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Dr. Doris Jeanette, a holistic psychologist with 33 years of experience showing people how to find their own inner strengths, and author of" Opening the Heart", an emotional guide into healing your grieving heart from the bottom outward. http://www.drjeanette.com
Speaker, columnist, radio host and author of Opening the Heart, Overcoming Anxiety Naturally and 14 other self help products.
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Eric Tomei - http://www.lostdadsclub.com/ Help me raise 1 Million dollars for Habitat for Humanity. It was my Dad's favorite charity. Please help me honor his memory and support this great organization. Author “I Miss My Dad.” Eric is an ordinary guy who wrote about her dad to deal with his grief.
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Cindy Bullens – Recording artists and songwriter. http://www.cindybullens.com/workshop/ - “Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth: Grieving Out Loud”.
"When my daughter Jessie died on March 23, 1996, just weeks after her eleventh birthday, I felt my own life end. I couldn't imagine that I could ever again be a productive human being. Cindy has touched thousands of people around the world with Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth's inspired songs of despair and loss, love and hope.”
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Betsy – author ISABELLE'S DREAM - Based on the true story of two sisters, / Isabelle’s Dream/ takes the reader on a heartwarming journey from grief to hope. The book's black-and-white illustrations invite children to bring their own creativity to each page, using crayons, markers, colored pencils, or even glitter glue. After coloring the sisters’ shimmering wings, butterflies, gardens, the earth, and the sea, boys and girls will find several blank activity pages. These pages encourage children to create original drawings or words.
Available through Quality of Life Publishing (www.qolpublishing.com; to order call *1-877-513-0099* during regular business hours Eastern time) or via amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com.
In memory of Sophia Zartarian Nagle, author Betsy Bottino Arenella is donating 100 percent of royalties from /Isabelle's Dream/ to the national charitable SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood) Program (www://sudc.org). To learn more about Sophia's life and the birth of Isabelle's Dream, visit www.isabellesdream.org
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http://widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com/ Widow's Voice - A place to find your own voice, to hear other widow's voices...and to find comfort in the fact that you are not alone.
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Grief Sites
http://www.youngwidow.com – Provides a forum for young widows and widowers to connect online, find understanding and validation of their feelings so that they are able to recover their joy for life, reclaim their identities and rebuild their futures.
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http://indygriefloss.com/index.htm - Indianapolis Grief & Loss Consulting Services
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http://mymeaningfullife.com/ - Finding Meaning in Grief & Loss
Ligia M. Houben, is an author, consultant and educator. She consults with individuals and corporations on life transitions with the purpose of providing meaningful tools to transform losses and challenges. She obtained her B.A. from the University of Miami in psychology and Religious Studies and a Masters Degree in religious studies and gerontology from Florida International University. Ligia also has a Graduate Certificate in Loss and Healing from St. Thomas University and is a Certified Grief Counselor, a Certified Addiction Counselor and a Certified Thanatologist: death, dying and bereavement.
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http://www.aarp.org/families/grief_loss/ - AARP – Helpful Links for Those After Loss of a loved one.
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http://www.bereavementmag.com/page.cfm?pageid=9009 - Hope and Healing for the Body, Mind and Spirit. Living with Loss Magazine
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http://www.centerforloss.com/index.php - Center for Loss and Life Transition
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http://www.compassionbooks.com/store/index.php - More than 400 books, videos, and audios to help children and adults through serious illness, death and dying, grief, bereavement, and losses of all kinds, including divorce, suicide, trauma, and violence. Reviewed and selected by knowledgeable professionals.
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http://www.coping-with-loss-and-grief.com/index.html - Grief Counseling, Bereavement Counseling
Individuals, Families, Small Grief Counseling Groups
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http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/index.html - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross - Grief & Bereavement
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http://www.goodbooksnw.com/ - GoodBooksNW is an independent online bookseller specializing in books on divorce, blended families and grief.
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http://www.goodgriefresources.com/ - Bereavement, Loss and Grief Resources
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http://www.griefsjourney.com/index.php?&MMN_position=1:1 - Grief's Journey, where the primary focus is on the bereavement for the loss of a spouse and life partner.
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http://www.groww.org/Branches/gfwo.htm - GROWW For Widowed allows us to be or do whatever it takes to move forward, to know that letting go of the pain is not letting go of the memory of the love.
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http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm - Coping with Grief and Loss, Support for Grieving and Bereavement
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http://www.missfoundation.org/index.html - M.I.S.S. Foundation, support when a child dies
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http://atruecalling-truewonder.blogspot.com/ Truewonder lost her eldest son in 2003, little did I know that starting a blog in 2008 was the healing balm I most needed. It is a cleverly disguised blog about a sustainable farmer...as I have become just that. It started it out as farmer related stories, but my writing revealed to me that my grief, joy experiences were stories that caused many ripples in the lives of others.
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http://www.momminusdad.com/ - Do you struggle to find resources and advice while you juggle your life with the needs of a newly widowed parent? Author Jamieson Haverkampf, gleaned intimate knowledge of balancing her own life with a newly widowed parent, having aided her fifty-six-year-old widowed mother in Virginia, while running her real estate business in California, after the early unpredicted loss of her father to cancer. “Mom Minus Dad”.
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http://www.nmha.org/index.cfm?objectid=C7DF9618-1372-4D20-C807F41CB3E97654 - Coping With Bereavement - Mental Health America
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http://www.onecaringplace.com/Default.asp?bhcd2=1233108612 - Publications to help you help others – One Caring Place
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http://www.ourhouse-grief.org/services.html#opt3 - Our House, Helping Grieving Hearts Heal, Child and Adolescent Grief
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http://www.pamblair.com - Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D., therapist and co-author of “I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One” (Sourcebooks, Inc.) as well as the companion workbook.
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http://www.hospicenet.org/ - Hospice - For patients and families facing life-threatening illness
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http://www.solacehouse.org/ - Solace House - A Center for Grieving Children and their Families.
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Open to Hope Foundation and The Grief Blog at http://www.opentohope.com and http://www.thegriefblog.com - Articles, radio show and information to help those who have suffered a loss.
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Widowslist - A blog and community where widows share problems and triumphs with lists of helpful people, companies and services. http://www.widowslist.com
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Jenslove – http://www.jenslove.com/"> – cofounders Mark Manning and Jessica Caron. A place to celebrate those loved and lost
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Loss, Grief and Bereavement – National Cancer Institute www.ncipoet.com/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/bereavement/Patient/page9
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American Widow Project - http://americanwidowproject.org/index.php?link=1 - The American Widow Project is a non-profit organization dedicated to the new generation of those who have lost the heroes of yesterday, today and tomorrow, with an emphasis on healing through sharing stories, tears and laughter………Military Widow to Military Widow
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Garden of Innocence National – Dignified burial for abandoned children http://www.gardenofinnocence.org/keegansstory.html
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Neil Chethik - http://www.neilchethik.com/fatherloss.htm - Author “Father Loss, How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Death of their Dads.”
This list is a wonderful compilation of books, blogs, websites, services, magazine….all related in some manner to loss, grief and bereavement. This is by no means a complete list, but it is a start.
(No endorsement is made and all sites listed are for information purposes only.)
A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss by Elaine Williams, a widow’s journey through loss, grief and renewal. http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com. Blog: http://www.ajourneywelltaken.blogspot.com Midwest Book Review, 5 Stars.
#
Dave Pipitone - "The Hope Patch", http://www.thehopepatch.com is a way to remember those who have passed on. Articles and resources for living with hope for new life.
#
Wendy L. Christensen: An inspirational letter written by Wendy at 15, to her older brother Travis who died at 17. “This letter was therapeutic for me and I have received so many emails and phone calls over it. My brother, Travis, had a huge impact on my life.” "It's the Little Moments that Matter" contains 26 simple steps to enrich every moment of life! http://www.littlemomentsthatmatter.com/travis.html
#
Jane Galbraith’s "Baby Boomers Face Grief - Survival and Recovery". Jane’s background is a degree in nursing and 20 years working in the community health care system. If you would like more info on the book you can find the introductory chapter and her bio etc at http://www.trafford.com/05-2319
#
Carol Ann Loehr - Website for Understanding Suicide & Depression – http://www.thegiftofkeith.org
On March 29, 1999 , our son Keith died by suicide. At the time of his death I had no knowledge of suicide, and I was inundated with inaccurate and outdated description of suicide and its causes. In 2002, I created a website of information to help comfort and educate survivors of suicide, as well as clergy, health care professionals and counselors. In 2006 I wrote a children's book, “My Uncle Keith Died”. This book helps explain a death by suicide and the illness of depression. Available at Trafford Publishing or call Toll Free (888)232-4444; and Amazon.com.
#
Sandy Fox - "I Have No Intention of Saying Goodbye." Sandy interviewed 25 sets of parents about the death of a child and how they have moved on with their lives. Sandy’s story is in the book also. http://www.sandyfoxauthor.comwww.survivinggrief.blogspot.com
#
Annette Gonzalez: http://www.marinasabundance.blogspot.com/
Website: http://www.orphanat60.com Annette writes and speaks about feeling like an "orphan" at sixty years of age. Her father died five months after her mother. Shares her experiences as a daughter, caregiver, wife and mother.
#
The Light Beyond, Lucie Storrs – http://www.thelightbeyond.com Grief forum, inspirational movie and helpful bereavement site. “Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep” ebook of over 250 sympathy poems, quotations and readings for funerals, memorial services and inner peace. “If There's Anything I Can Do” guide for friends and families of the bereaved.
#
Research Study on Social Relationships and Loss
A new study on social relationships and loss is being conducted by a doctoral student at The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. You are invited to participate in this important new study investigating interpersonal relationships and how they might have affected your feelings about your loss.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=yXh28AbGKsj9ycoMzVE7ew_3d_3d
Questions or would like the questionnaires sent to you, contact Naomi Edelson by phone at (415) 290-0164 or by email at lossresearch@gmail.com.
#
A Masters degree and 24 years of Adoption Social Work did not prepare Chris Mulligan for the devastation after the death of her son, Zac. Her grief journey, revealed through “Afterlife Agreements: A Gift From Beyond” describes in detail the mother/son relationship that continues beyond death through documented signs and communication. Healing and a new life emerged as the result of learning about life lessons, death and the afterlife. http://Afterlifebooks.com
#
Harry Line Helping Parents Deal with The Loss of Their Baby - http://the-harry-line-helpingparents.blogspot.com/
#
Fran Dorf’s acclaimed, internationally published psychological novels include A Reasonable Madness (Birch Lane, Signet, 1990/91), Flight (Dutton/Signet, 1992/93), and Saving Elijah (Putnam, 2000), which was inspired by the tragic death of Fran’s son, Michael, and which a starred Publisher’s Weekly review called, “a stunning tale that crackles with suspense, dark humor, and provocative questions.” A bereavement and creativity expert and psychotherapist, Fran holds advanced degrees in journalism, psychology, and social work. She is currently working on a book of personal essays called, “How I Lost My Bellybutton and Other Survival Stories"; and writes poetry, essays and articles on a variety of topics including bereavement. Using her unique background and experience, Fran has developed the WRITE TO HEAL WORKSHOP, which employs exercises, and fictional/interrogative techniques, some arising out of themes developed in Saving Elijah, to deepen and clarify self knowledge, stimulate the imagination, and generate meaningful story, memoir, metaphor, and/or image around loss. Fran has conducted the Workshop with a variety of groups including the bereaved, addicted, traumatized, homeless, women’s groups, those dealing with chronic or serious illness, and the mentally ill. Her essay, “My Son’s Name Was Michael – Not Elijah,” will be published in an anthology on therapeutic writing this spring. Fran is also an active philanthropist, and has a blog called THE BRUISED MUSE, an e-zine on “grief, life and everything in between” at http://www.frandorf.com/. For a workshop with your group, or for individual psychotherapy or counseling, contact Fran directly at frandorf@aol.com.
#
Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation National Conference on Widowhood, San Diego, California -- July 17-19, 2009
This event will provide a variety of inspiring role models, a hope-filled, supportive environment, and programs focused on giving women the tools they need to rebuild their lives after the devastating loss of a spouse. http://www.sslf.org/conference.html
#
Sharon - Grandma is a writer - http://grandmaisawriter.blogspot.com/ Shares thoughts about writing, about life and to promote the book, “Aloha is Forever” about the loss of her son in Hawaii who went on a hike and disappeared. http://www.tnchristianpublishers.com/products
#
Tiffany - Life after his Death -- Perspectives encountered from loss. http://acancerwidow.blogspot.com/
#
Christa Scalies lost her close friend Jim to suicide in 2005. Christa was on a self-destructive suicidal path but the shock of her friend’s death actually helped save her life. Experiencing the devastation of his sudden passing caused her to examine every detail of her life. Christa embarked on a path of self-healing, learning and laughing. In 2008 she created Giggle On!, a motivational and inspirational web site, to share her story and help empower people to enjoy the lighter and happier sides of life. Christa works to raise money and awareness for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. http://www.giggleon.com.
#
Crumbling Walls - a mother grieves the loss of her 18 year old son to suicide - http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/
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Janine - Widow and mother of 6 Blog, One Breath at a Time - http://txmomx6.blogspot.com/
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Carol O’Dell – Author “Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir” ISBN – 13:978-1-60164-003-1. http://www.Mothering-Mother.com - Family Advisor at http://www.caring.com/familyadvisor Blog - http://carolodell.wordpress.com
A bitingly humorous and unflinchingly honest memoir. Carol's mother has Parkinson's Disease, Alzheimer’s, and a heart condition and Carol's decision not to put her mother "in one of those homes" has far-reaching consequences for her family. She must learn to Mother her own mother. This refreshing and entertaining memoir will help baby boomers struggling with their own decisions on elder care in the home.
#
Widowsbreathe Coaching: Mie Elmhirst, CPCC, PCC provides Coaching, Support and Information for Widows www.widowsbreathe.com
#
Keepsakes, Etc. features Sympathy Throws as a bereavement gift for family and friends. They will embroider personalized messages on most throws and ship nationwide. http://www.keepsakes-etc.com/sympathygift.html
#
“Room for Two” by Widower Abel Keogh - http://abelkeogh.com/room-for-two/
#
Beautiful Earthen Urns - http://spiritkeeper-urns.com/
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Resolving Grief with Hypnosis and EFT -Carol Henderson Certified Hypnotherapist
EFT Practitioner
New Day Hypnotherapy, LLC
Kansas City Area
Carol@NewDayHypno.com
http://www.newdayhypno.com/resolving_grief_with_hypnosis_and_eft.html
#
Marsha at “Breathings of the Heart” - Marsha began the blog as an outlet of musings, writings and journaling following the loss of her husband in 2005. Today, it continues to be an extension of her journey... may you enjoy the travels with her.
http://mfisteach.blogspot.com/
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Cathy - Lessons From Lou - http://lessonsfromlou.blogspot.com/ - Cathy’s journey through the brain tumor world with her husband, Lou.
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Ian - Single Parent Dad - http://www.singleparentdad.blogspot.com
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Bill- Dying Man’s Daily Journal - http://hudds53.wordpress.com/
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The Price of Love - http://thepriceoflove.net/ - a father's journey through breast cancer, bereavement and recovery.
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Maureen’s Mission - http://www.maureensmission.org/thebook.php .- Breast Cancer Advocacy – One couple’s journey through misdiagnosis.
#
Lisa - Grace Between the Lines - http://bump-on-the-road.blogspot.com/ - Blog continues in memory of Annette, with a new name, Grace Between the Lines by her sister, Lisa.
#
Dr. Doris Jeanette, a holistic psychologist with 33 years of experience showing people how to find their own inner strengths, and author of" Opening the Heart", an emotional guide into healing your grieving heart from the bottom outward. http://www.drjeanette.com
Speaker, columnist, radio host and author of Opening the Heart, Overcoming Anxiety Naturally and 14 other self help products.
#
Eric Tomei - http://www.lostdadsclub.com/ Help me raise 1 Million dollars for Habitat for Humanity. It was my Dad's favorite charity. Please help me honor his memory and support this great organization. Author “I Miss My Dad.” Eric is an ordinary guy who wrote about her dad to deal with his grief.
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Cindy Bullens – Recording artists and songwriter. http://www.cindybullens.com/workshop/ - “Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth: Grieving Out Loud”.
"When my daughter Jessie died on March 23, 1996, just weeks after her eleventh birthday, I felt my own life end. I couldn't imagine that I could ever again be a productive human being. Cindy has touched thousands of people around the world with Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth's inspired songs of despair and loss, love and hope.”
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Betsy – author ISABELLE'S DREAM - Based on the true story of two sisters, / Isabelle’s Dream/ takes the reader on a heartwarming journey from grief to hope. The book's black-and-white illustrations invite children to bring their own creativity to each page, using crayons, markers, colored pencils, or even glitter glue. After coloring the sisters’ shimmering wings, butterflies, gardens, the earth, and the sea, boys and girls will find several blank activity pages. These pages encourage children to create original drawings or words.
Available through Quality of Life Publishing (www.qolpublishing.com; to order call *1-877-513-0099* during regular business hours Eastern time) or via amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com.
In memory of Sophia Zartarian Nagle, author Betsy Bottino Arenella is donating 100 percent of royalties from /Isabelle's Dream/ to the national charitable SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood) Program (www://sudc.org
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http://widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com/ Widow's Voice - A place to find your own voice, to hear other widow's voices...and to find comfort in the fact that you are not alone.
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Grief Sites
http://www.youngwidow.com – Provides a forum for young widows and widowers to connect online, find understanding and validation of their feelings so that they are able to recover their joy for life, reclaim their identities and rebuild their futures.
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http://indygriefloss.com/index.htm - Indianapolis Grief & Loss Consulting Services
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http://mymeaningfullife.com/ - Finding Meaning in Grief & Loss
Ligia M. Houben, is an author, consultant and educator. She consults with individuals and corporations on life transitions with the purpose of providing meaningful tools to transform losses and challenges. She obtained her B.A. from the University of Miami in psychology and Religious Studies and a Masters Degree in religious studies and gerontology from Florida International University. Ligia also has a Graduate Certificate in Loss and Healing from St. Thomas University and is a Certified Grief Counselor, a Certified Addiction Counselor and a Certified Thanatologist: death, dying and bereavement.
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http://www.aarp.org/families/grief_loss/ - AARP – Helpful Links for Those After Loss of a loved one.
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http://www.bereavementmag.com/page.cfm?pageid=9009 - Hope and Healing for the Body, Mind and Spirit. Living with Loss Magazine
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http://www.centerforloss.com/index.php - Center for Loss and Life Transition
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http://www.compassionbooks.com/store/index.php - More than 400 books, videos, and audios to help children and adults through serious illness, death and dying, grief, bereavement, and losses of all kinds, including divorce, suicide, trauma, and violence. Reviewed and selected by knowledgeable professionals.
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http://www.coping-with-loss-and-grief.com/index.html - Grief Counseling, Bereavement Counseling
Individuals, Families, Small Grief Counseling Groups
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http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/index.html - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross - Grief & Bereavement
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http://www.goodbooksnw.com/ - GoodBooksNW is an independent online bookseller specializing in books on divorce, blended families and grief.
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http://www.goodgriefresources.com/ - Bereavement, Loss and Grief Resources
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http://www.griefsjourney.com/index.php?&MMN_position=1:1 - Grief's Journey, where the primary focus is on the bereavement for the loss of a spouse and life partner.
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http://www.groww.org/Branches/gfwo.htm - GROWW For Widowed allows us to be or do whatever it takes to move forward, to know that letting go of the pain is not letting go of the memory of the love.
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http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm - Coping with Grief and Loss, Support for Grieving and Bereavement
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http://www.missfoundation.org/index.html - M.I.S.S. Foundation, support when a child dies
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http://atruecalling-truewonder.blogspot.com/ Truewonder lost her eldest son in 2003, little did I know that starting a blog in 2008 was the healing balm I most needed. It is a cleverly disguised blog about a sustainable farmer...as I have become just that. It started it out as farmer related stories, but my writing revealed to me that my grief, joy experiences were stories that caused many ripples in the lives of others.
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http://www.momminusdad.com/ - Do you struggle to find resources and advice while you juggle your life with the needs of a newly widowed parent? Author Jamieson Haverkampf, gleaned intimate knowledge of balancing her own life with a newly widowed parent, having aided her fifty-six-year-old widowed mother in Virginia, while running her real estate business in California, after the early unpredicted loss of her father to cancer. “Mom Minus Dad”.
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http://www.nmha.org/index.cfm?objectid=C7DF9618-1372-4D20-C807F41CB3E97654 - Coping With Bereavement - Mental Health America
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http://www.onecaringplace.com/Default.asp?bhcd2=1233108612 - Publications to help you help others – One Caring Place
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http://www.ourhouse-grief.org/services.html#opt3 - Our House, Helping Grieving Hearts Heal, Child and Adolescent Grief
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http://www.pamblair.com - Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D., therapist and co-author of “I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One” (Sourcebooks, Inc.) as well as the companion workbook.
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http://www.hospicenet.org/ - Hospice - For patients and families facing life-threatening illness
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http://www.solacehouse.org/ - Solace House - A Center for Grieving Children and their Families.
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Open to Hope Foundation and The Grief Blog at http://www.opentohope.com and http://www.thegriefblog.com - Articles, radio show and information to help those who have suffered a loss.
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Widowslist - A blog and community where widows share problems and triumphs with lists of helpful people, companies and services. http://www.widowslist.com
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Jenslove – http://www.jenslove.com/"> – cofounders Mark Manning and Jessica Caron. A place to celebrate those loved and lost
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Loss, Grief and Bereavement – National Cancer Institute www.ncipoet.com/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/bereavement/Patient/page9
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American Widow Project - http://americanwidowproject.org/index.php?link=1 - The American Widow Project is a non-profit organization dedicated to the new generation of those who have lost the heroes of yesterday, today and tomorrow, with an emphasis on healing through sharing stories, tears and laughter………Military Widow to Military Widow
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Garden of Innocence National – Dignified burial for abandoned children http://www.gardenofinnocence.org/keegansstory.html
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Neil Chethik - http://www.neilchethik.com/fatherloss.htm - Author “Father Loss, How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Death of their Dads.”
Friday, January 2, 2009
Widowslist.com - Widow Support
I ran across a helpful site for widows. It's called WidowsList and it's located at http://www.widowslist.com/">
The site was begun by Sandra Pesmen and the Mission statement is as follows:
"Our community aims to provide a platform where "Women in the Widow 'hood" have a voice; and where they can discuss their unique challenges, conflicts, solutions and joys; families, friends, jobs and leisure time. The "Widows' Lists" offer practical and tested places where widows have found answers and trustworthy service providers."
Widowslist has a chat/blog with helpful articles and information, such as "Beware After-Funeral 'Predators'", and "How Do You Handle Those Anniversary Reactions?"
Also, there's helpful information in regards to topics such as:
Financial
Physical Health
Mental Health
Real Estate
Home and Garden
Travel
Romance
Beauty
Events
The site was begun by Sandra Pesmen and the Mission statement is as follows:
"Our community aims to provide a platform where "Women in the Widow 'hood" have a voice; and where they can discuss their unique challenges, conflicts, solutions and joys; families, friends, jobs and leisure time. The "Widows' Lists" offer practical and tested places where widows have found answers and trustworthy service providers."
Widowslist has a chat/blog with helpful articles and information, such as "Beware After-Funeral 'Predators'", and "How Do You Handle Those Anniversary Reactions?"
Also, there's helpful information in regards to topics such as:
Financial
Physical Health
Mental Health
Real Estate
Home and Garden
Travel
Romance
Beauty
Events
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Dealing with New Loss or Grief During the Holidays
I recall very well the first holidays, anniversaries and birthdays alone as a widow. Sometimes you want to be with others and other times you will want to be alone. It's important not to isolate yourself, but do be kind to yourself during these stressful moments. If you need to cry, do so. If you need support, ask for it. True friends and family that love you will be there to lend support. Sometimes we're afraid to ask for that support, but on the other side, sometimes those friends aren't sure what to do for you, even if it's just listening while you talk or sitting quietly with you for support.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Sorting Through the Old Loss to Welcome the New Year
This is one of my more heavier posts in many months. But ultimately, it is a timely post as we get ready to welcome a new year. I always love the advance of a new year. There are so many possibilities ahead, so many avenues and opportunities for life in all of us.
For the last several months I have been working with life coach Janet Greene of Greene's Release, through some issues that had lain dormant, unbeknownst to me, in the last five or six years. I guess some of the upwelling of emotional dramas I had been feeling this month were undealt with shocks and memories from the past. Certain events seems to bring these emotional dramas close to the surface; resulting in a feeling of being stuck in place, annoyance, resignation and even a sense of apathy and regression.
I received a small gift in the mail at the beginning of December from a well meaning person. The gift set off this chain of thoughts and unexpected feelings, stirring memories that had remained buried for many years. There's a book out called Feelings Buried Alive Never Die and without having read that book, that would be the gist of this post today. Sometimes we feel the need to bury feelings so we can go on living day-to-day. We're not always aware we've buried them. At times it feels like the easist thing we can do for ourselves is ignore pain that rips at us, just let it be and hope it will go away with time.
Well, this is five years down the road and it just so happens this month some of that buried emotion started to unbury itself and I felt like I was literally being swamped all over again, in grief. I didn't understand what was happening and I didn't want to even look at what was causing the problem -- but I had to. So I made the decision to address what the heck was going on. I felt I had come so far in my life on my life after loss journey, and yet December I learned I hadn't sorted through everything in regards to this loss.
My friend of 18 years passed away at 53 years of age the week before Christmas. Since I'd known she was sick with cancer in February of this year, I had a heavy feeling for the outcome. I wondered did I have that feeling because my husband had died from cancer also? She had endometrial cancer and it was quite advanced. The doctors gave her a variety of mixed outcomes, but in my mind I felt it was the end.
I supported her as best I could, but all the time I was peddling toward what I feared was the inevitable outcome of this disease for her. She did everything the doctors suggested, the treatments they set up for her, beginning in March. They operated, they did the chemo and the protocols. My friend grew progressively weaker. One of the many times I went to see her in the hospital -- I thought I was in the wrong room. I didn't recognize her. I am glad she was asleep and didn't know of my instinctive move to back out of the room.
She remained cheerful and upbeat, even though she said to me several times she didn't think she was going to make it. Immediately after the chemo treatments, which went on for months, the doctors said she was in remission. This did not make sense to me, given her weak, debilitated state. My friend wondered about that also, but continued to trust in her doctor's care. What else could she do? She refused to have hospice, she said to her it was like giving up. I explained that my husband had been on hospice for pain control for seven months, and if they wanted to help her, let them have someone with her during the day to help her. It was a difficult situation for her, from my perspective. She was proud, independent and had always been very self-sufficient, raising 5 kids on her own. Now, she was dependent on others for her care and it remained difficult for her to accept that care, even to the point where at times I could see she pushed her family away.
In the end, her family and friends were with her in the hospital when she died. I was there the last hour also. I had driven that night, making the 3 hour round trip. I was going to wait until the next day but something inside urged me to go that night. I arrived to find her comatose, hooked up to a respirator. I could see it was pumping the oxygen into her. The only time she responded was when her son told her he was going to bring her dog in to see her. My friend had always had an incredible rapport with and love of her animals. This is the only time I saw her open her eyes when they mentioned her dog. I said my goodbye to her and told her I would miss her, and then knowing they were going to remove the life support, I left. She died as I was half way home, I later found out. I went to her funeral and it was a nice service with people getting up and speaking of my friend in honest and thoughtful ways. As I sat there the hot tears came to my eyes went down my cheeks. I pondered the loss and said the final goodbye, knowing she was somewhere in that church.
That same week my neighbor's pregnant daughter lost her baby in childbirth. They did everything they could to save the baby boy, but his organs were failing and he had been deprived of oxygen and nutrients inutero. It was incredibly sad to think of this young couple, the week before glowing with anticipatory happiness of the impending birth. I felt sad for my neighbors, the grandparents, because they too had lost a child many years before at birth. I sometimes wonder how this all works out in each of our lives -- the ripple effects it has on each of us, not only immediately but many years later. The sadness of loss is so very real and deep. But it gets deeper when we bury it within ourselves. It comes out in various ways through the years in actions and emotions -- and we're not always aware of the source of these emotions. When the emotional shock isn't dealt with, it festers beneath the surface, an unscabbed, unhealed wound.
The little gift I received triggered something within me this month, followed by the two deaths one upon each other. The gift was a keepsake ornament given to me by someone who had a good heart but mistakenly
thought this would be of comfort to me. It was meant to hang on a tree or in your house and you insert a picture of your loved one and it says "Remember me".
I felt this gift was out of place in my life, after five years. I had moved my life forward, the emotions looked at and dissected fully, and to have this ornament show up now stirred up the remnants of tears and emotions as yet undealt with.
I will donate the gift to someone newly bereaved, because it is not something that I need any longer. I have a small area in my house where there are pictures of my husband, myself and my kids. The loss no longer hurts but is a gentle remembrance of a life that has changed and evolved to who we are as individuals and as a family today.
I am through this month being bogged down with vague feelings of depression and fear, facing the tears inside that I've left uncried, the feelings that I've let go unacknowledged. Feeling these buried emotions, letting them speak fully to me, is a gift to myself for a new year of new beginnings. I am free of the chains of my emotional enslavement. The fears which held me are dissolved and blown away.
Janet Greene is a Life Coach who developed the Greene's Release method. You can learn to release what's holding you back from being truly happy and successful and living your true potential. She can be found at http://www.greenesrelease.com">
For the last several months I have been working with life coach Janet Greene of Greene's Release, through some issues that had lain dormant, unbeknownst to me, in the last five or six years. I guess some of the upwelling of emotional dramas I had been feeling this month were undealt with shocks and memories from the past. Certain events seems to bring these emotional dramas close to the surface; resulting in a feeling of being stuck in place, annoyance, resignation and even a sense of apathy and regression.
I received a small gift in the mail at the beginning of December from a well meaning person. The gift set off this chain of thoughts and unexpected feelings, stirring memories that had remained buried for many years. There's a book out called Feelings Buried Alive Never Die and without having read that book, that would be the gist of this post today. Sometimes we feel the need to bury feelings so we can go on living day-to-day. We're not always aware we've buried them. At times it feels like the easist thing we can do for ourselves is ignore pain that rips at us, just let it be and hope it will go away with time.
Well, this is five years down the road and it just so happens this month some of that buried emotion started to unbury itself and I felt like I was literally being swamped all over again, in grief. I didn't understand what was happening and I didn't want to even look at what was causing the problem -- but I had to. So I made the decision to address what the heck was going on. I felt I had come so far in my life on my life after loss journey, and yet December I learned I hadn't sorted through everything in regards to this loss.
My friend of 18 years passed away at 53 years of age the week before Christmas. Since I'd known she was sick with cancer in February of this year, I had a heavy feeling for the outcome. I wondered did I have that feeling because my husband had died from cancer also? She had endometrial cancer and it was quite advanced. The doctors gave her a variety of mixed outcomes, but in my mind I felt it was the end.
I supported her as best I could, but all the time I was peddling toward what I feared was the inevitable outcome of this disease for her. She did everything the doctors suggested, the treatments they set up for her, beginning in March. They operated, they did the chemo and the protocols. My friend grew progressively weaker. One of the many times I went to see her in the hospital -- I thought I was in the wrong room. I didn't recognize her. I am glad she was asleep and didn't know of my instinctive move to back out of the room.
She remained cheerful and upbeat, even though she said to me several times she didn't think she was going to make it. Immediately after the chemo treatments, which went on for months, the doctors said she was in remission. This did not make sense to me, given her weak, debilitated state. My friend wondered about that also, but continued to trust in her doctor's care. What else could she do? She refused to have hospice, she said to her it was like giving up. I explained that my husband had been on hospice for pain control for seven months, and if they wanted to help her, let them have someone with her during the day to help her. It was a difficult situation for her, from my perspective. She was proud, independent and had always been very self-sufficient, raising 5 kids on her own. Now, she was dependent on others for her care and it remained difficult for her to accept that care, even to the point where at times I could see she pushed her family away.
In the end, her family and friends were with her in the hospital when she died. I was there the last hour also. I had driven that night, making the 3 hour round trip. I was going to wait until the next day but something inside urged me to go that night. I arrived to find her comatose, hooked up to a respirator. I could see it was pumping the oxygen into her. The only time she responded was when her son told her he was going to bring her dog in to see her. My friend had always had an incredible rapport with and love of her animals. This is the only time I saw her open her eyes when they mentioned her dog. I said my goodbye to her and told her I would miss her, and then knowing they were going to remove the life support, I left. She died as I was half way home, I later found out. I went to her funeral and it was a nice service with people getting up and speaking of my friend in honest and thoughtful ways. As I sat there the hot tears came to my eyes went down my cheeks. I pondered the loss and said the final goodbye, knowing she was somewhere in that church.
That same week my neighbor's pregnant daughter lost her baby in childbirth. They did everything they could to save the baby boy, but his organs were failing and he had been deprived of oxygen and nutrients inutero. It was incredibly sad to think of this young couple, the week before glowing with anticipatory happiness of the impending birth. I felt sad for my neighbors, the grandparents, because they too had lost a child many years before at birth. I sometimes wonder how this all works out in each of our lives -- the ripple effects it has on each of us, not only immediately but many years later. The sadness of loss is so very real and deep. But it gets deeper when we bury it within ourselves. It comes out in various ways through the years in actions and emotions -- and we're not always aware of the source of these emotions. When the emotional shock isn't dealt with, it festers beneath the surface, an unscabbed, unhealed wound.
The little gift I received triggered something within me this month, followed by the two deaths one upon each other. The gift was a keepsake ornament given to me by someone who had a good heart but mistakenly
thought this would be of comfort to me. It was meant to hang on a tree or in your house and you insert a picture of your loved one and it says "Remember me".
I felt this gift was out of place in my life, after five years. I had moved my life forward, the emotions looked at and dissected fully, and to have this ornament show up now stirred up the remnants of tears and emotions as yet undealt with.
I will donate the gift to someone newly bereaved, because it is not something that I need any longer. I have a small area in my house where there are pictures of my husband, myself and my kids. The loss no longer hurts but is a gentle remembrance of a life that has changed and evolved to who we are as individuals and as a family today.
I am through this month being bogged down with vague feelings of depression and fear, facing the tears inside that I've left uncried, the feelings that I've let go unacknowledged. Feeling these buried emotions, letting them speak fully to me, is a gift to myself for a new year of new beginnings. I am free of the chains of my emotional enslavement. The fears which held me are dissolved and blown away.
Janet Greene is a Life Coach who developed the Greene's Release method. You can learn to release what's holding you back from being truly happy and successful and living your true potential. She can be found at http://www.greenesrelease.com">
Monday, December 1, 2008
Sometimes You Need to Cry
Sometimes You Need to Cry
Elaine Williams ©2008
I recall a period in time, at about 18 months after my husband passed away, that I felt pretty good about myself. I had handled what life had thrown me and come out battered, but mostly okay on the other side. After caretaking my husband for almost a year, I was battling some minor health problems of my own, related mostly to stress, but most days I was certain my life was on track. Steady and focused, my three boys were also adjusting and it seemed we all had a grip on reality.
On this day, I was on my way to an appointment with my holistic doctor when the radio began playing a song I had never heard before. The singer’s words stirred something inside me. The song spoke of loving someone through the years, and even with that person gone, the threads of memory remained.
The words reverberated through me, and I experienced almost a kind of shock as their meaning sank in. Out of nowhere, I began to cry so hard I had to pull off the road. I had no control over the rush of anguished emotion. All my hard won calm fled, chopped off at the knees as I hugged the steering wheel of my car.
I cried as if a great well had opened inside and pulled my guts out. When I finally began to calm and the tears subsided, I had to wonder where this emotional outburst had come from. How could a song open a wound of such profound loss?
I arrived at my doctor’s office, and as usual with holistic doctors, they not only want to know about you physically, but they dig deeper into the emotional aspects of your life. I hesitated only briefly before telling him what had occurred on the way to his office. I felt embarrassed by my earlier semi-breakdown. I tried to explain that I’d been feeling good, and then to suddenly have this upheaval had thrown me for a loop.
He explained it was to be expected there would be days where emotion could still catch me by surprise. With the loss still relatively fresh in my life, how could I expect to be 100%? I admitted to him that I’d been feeling excruciatingly lonely, but I thought I was handling it. Some days my idea of “handling” it meant ignoring or burying my feelings. Always a very private person, I hadn’t shared much of my thoughts with anyone. When friends asked how I was doing, I would usually say I was okay. Inside, I kept thinking, who wants to hear that I just want to get through another day?
I felt much better after speaking with him. Not only was he a sympathetic ear, it felt good to open up and share my worries about being alone, my concern for the kids’ welfare and fears that I wasn’t handling my finances to my best advantage.
We talked extensively about the triggers that stirred my own private misery. Something as straightforward as a song, or as complex as past memories, seemed to have the power to entrench me in great emotion. He made me realize there would be times I merely needed to cry as part of grief’s healing process. There was nothing complicated about it. Each time we are brave enough to reach down and allow our true emotions out, it brings a little more healing into our lives. As time passes, and we remain true to ourselves, a new sense of empowerment emerges.
Elaine Williams ©2008
I recall a period in time, at about 18 months after my husband passed away, that I felt pretty good about myself. I had handled what life had thrown me and come out battered, but mostly okay on the other side. After caretaking my husband for almost a year, I was battling some minor health problems of my own, related mostly to stress, but most days I was certain my life was on track. Steady and focused, my three boys were also adjusting and it seemed we all had a grip on reality.
On this day, I was on my way to an appointment with my holistic doctor when the radio began playing a song I had never heard before. The singer’s words stirred something inside me. The song spoke of loving someone through the years, and even with that person gone, the threads of memory remained.
The words reverberated through me, and I experienced almost a kind of shock as their meaning sank in. Out of nowhere, I began to cry so hard I had to pull off the road. I had no control over the rush of anguished emotion. All my hard won calm fled, chopped off at the knees as I hugged the steering wheel of my car.
I cried as if a great well had opened inside and pulled my guts out. When I finally began to calm and the tears subsided, I had to wonder where this emotional outburst had come from. How could a song open a wound of such profound loss?
I arrived at my doctor’s office, and as usual with holistic doctors, they not only want to know about you physically, but they dig deeper into the emotional aspects of your life. I hesitated only briefly before telling him what had occurred on the way to his office. I felt embarrassed by my earlier semi-breakdown. I tried to explain that I’d been feeling good, and then to suddenly have this upheaval had thrown me for a loop.
He explained it was to be expected there would be days where emotion could still catch me by surprise. With the loss still relatively fresh in my life, how could I expect to be 100%? I admitted to him that I’d been feeling excruciatingly lonely, but I thought I was handling it. Some days my idea of “handling” it meant ignoring or burying my feelings. Always a very private person, I hadn’t shared much of my thoughts with anyone. When friends asked how I was doing, I would usually say I was okay. Inside, I kept thinking, who wants to hear that I just want to get through another day?
I felt much better after speaking with him. Not only was he a sympathetic ear, it felt good to open up and share my worries about being alone, my concern for the kids’ welfare and fears that I wasn’t handling my finances to my best advantage.
We talked extensively about the triggers that stirred my own private misery. Something as straightforward as a song, or as complex as past memories, seemed to have the power to entrench me in great emotion. He made me realize there would be times I merely needed to cry as part of grief’s healing process. There was nothing complicated about it. Each time we are brave enough to reach down and allow our true emotions out, it brings a little more healing into our lives. As time passes, and we remain true to ourselves, a new sense of empowerment emerges.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Depression and Loss
There seems to be a lot of notice being given to depression on the internet, some of them through different professional articles. I would caution that feeling 'depressed' due to loss of a loved one, is different from other forms of depression. For some, getting through the grief process can take time. It is a process unique to each individual and not to be rushed. However, having said that, there is nothing wrong with getting help to get through the rough spots in life. Sometimes we need a little something more than what we can do for ourselves. Sometimes all we need is an ear or a shoulder, so don't be afraid to seek professional help, if life is getting you down.
I've also been exploring other healing methods, and I'm currently working with Janet Greene of Greene's Release at http://www.greenesrelease.com/"> to explore her method of healing ourselves and finding the real you. It involves methods to heal through traumas and loss that have occurred in each of our lives. Stay tuned.
I've also been exploring other healing methods, and I'm currently working with Janet Greene of Greene's Release at http://www.greenesrelease.com/"> to explore her method of healing ourselves and finding the real you. It involves methods to heal through traumas and loss that have occurred in each of our lives. Stay tuned.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Help For Widows Who Suffer Alone During The Holiday Season
Press Release
2008-10-25 15:27:27 -
Award winning author and contributing writer Elaine Williams understands the pain of being left alone during the holiday season. Her book, A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss, offers a message of hope that is particularly needed by many left alone during this time of year.
'For most people,' stated Ms. Williams, 'holidays center around family and celebrations. For widows, especially new widows, this time of year is one of the hardest times to get through. After the loss of your partner there is nothing quite as painful as feeling alone during these special times.'
According to the U.S Census Bureau, there are approximately 700,000 new widows every year. Widows and widowers are not the only ones who suffer during this time of year. Surveys and studies also illustrate that a staggering 10% of all marriages end in divorce. The emotional problems that affect those experiencing widowhood or divorce can be overwhelming. These feelings are exacerbated during the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's seasons.
32% of women aged 55 and older live alone, according to the 2000 U.S. Census. A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss addresses the important issues involving loss created through death or divorce and offers real hope to those left alone and those left behind.
'I personally don't see much difference in dating after loss or following a divorce,' stated Ms. Williams, 'as both occurrences involve a major life change, subject to emotions of loss and anger or perhaps betrayal and abandonment. At no time do these feelings surface more strongly than during the holiday season. Some who have lost a spouse may argue that death is worse, being final and out of your control -- while divorce is a choice. I disagree. If the spouse you love has divorced you, the choice has been taken away from you, similar to losing someone to death. You also have an added complication of perhaps feeling as if you've been thrown away, an understandably devastating experience. I have experienced both divorce and death, and the aftermath in each instance is neither pretty nor painless.'
'Does the death of a partner hurt more than divorce? When you lose the person you love, regardless of how that occurs, it is a permanent wound on the heart. Loss of any kind is never easy. It can be especially difficult during the holidays,' stated Ms. Williams, 'but try not to totally isolate yourself during moments of stress; instead allow family and friends to help you get through difficult times. You can be alone with your thoughts to sort through your grief, but also remember to allow those who care about you to help you on your journey.'
A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss is a finalist in the USA Book News Best Books Awards for 2008. The book has received a 5 star rating from Midwest Book Reviews. Copies of 'A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss' are available at her website. A portion of the profit from each book is donated to charity. Ms. Williams is available for media interviews by contacting her at the address below.
Contact
Elaine Williams
On Wings Press
Phone: 518-589-6229
Web: http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com">
Email: onwingspress@yahoo.com
2008-10-25 15:27:27 -
Award winning author and contributing writer Elaine Williams understands the pain of being left alone during the holiday season. Her book, A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss, offers a message of hope that is particularly needed by many left alone during this time of year.
'For most people,' stated Ms. Williams, 'holidays center around family and celebrations. For widows, especially new widows, this time of year is one of the hardest times to get through. After the loss of your partner there is nothing quite as painful as feeling alone during these special times.'
According to the U.S Census Bureau, there are approximately 700,000 new widows every year. Widows and widowers are not the only ones who suffer during this time of year. Surveys and studies also illustrate that a staggering 10% of all marriages end in divorce. The emotional problems that affect those experiencing widowhood or divorce can be overwhelming. These feelings are exacerbated during the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's seasons.
32% of women aged 55 and older live alone, according to the 2000 U.S. Census. A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss addresses the important issues involving loss created through death or divorce and offers real hope to those left alone and those left behind.
'I personally don't see much difference in dating after loss or following a divorce,' stated Ms. Williams, 'as both occurrences involve a major life change, subject to emotions of loss and anger or perhaps betrayal and abandonment. At no time do these feelings surface more strongly than during the holiday season. Some who have lost a spouse may argue that death is worse, being final and out of your control -- while divorce is a choice. I disagree. If the spouse you love has divorced you, the choice has been taken away from you, similar to losing someone to death. You also have an added complication of perhaps feeling as if you've been thrown away, an understandably devastating experience. I have experienced both divorce and death, and the aftermath in each instance is neither pretty nor painless.'
'Does the death of a partner hurt more than divorce? When you lose the person you love, regardless of how that occurs, it is a permanent wound on the heart. Loss of any kind is never easy. It can be especially difficult during the holidays,' stated Ms. Williams, 'but try not to totally isolate yourself during moments of stress; instead allow family and friends to help you get through difficult times. You can be alone with your thoughts to sort through your grief, but also remember to allow those who care about you to help you on your journey.'
A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss is a finalist in the USA Book News Best Books Awards for 2008. The book has received a 5 star rating from Midwest Book Reviews. Copies of 'A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss' are available at her website. A portion of the profit from each book is donated to charity. Ms. Williams is available for media interviews by contacting her at the address below.
Contact
Elaine Williams
On Wings Press
Phone: 518-589-6229
Web: http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com">
Email: onwingspress@yahoo.com
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Book Review, White Feathers by Pamela Jouan
"White Feathers," by Pamela Jouan is an eloquent, moving tribute to her parents. As a widow, I know from personal experience there is no measure for grief when a spouse dies. I identify fully with the emotional turmoil you describe following this devastating loss, and also the chance to find joy in life again." Elaine Williams, author "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss."
The author, Pamela Jouan writes, "I wrote a book for my mother last year that I just self-published. It was originally a gift to her for what would have been her 40th wedding anniversary on that Easter Sunday. I have since published it with all proceeds benefiting cancer research. My father passed away from cancer 3 years ago this September...I have been getting tremendous response from widows who identify with the story.
White Feathers is the story of what would happen if we were given one more day with someone we had lost. The main characters, a couple called Charles and Ruby, are modeled after my parents—most of the details of their lives are all based in fact, as well as a few extraordinary points. Needless to say, my book weaves faith and hope into a tale about lost love and dealing with that loss.
In an effort to do a little more, I decided to publish my book and contribute all proceeds to cancer research. It is currently available through www.amazon.com for purchase. I created a web site http://www.pamelajouan.com"> that talks more about my book and has a list of questions to base a book club discussion on."
The author, Pamela Jouan writes, "I wrote a book for my mother last year that I just self-published. It was originally a gift to her for what would have been her 40th wedding anniversary on that Easter Sunday. I have since published it with all proceeds benefiting cancer research. My father passed away from cancer 3 years ago this September...I have been getting tremendous response from widows who identify with the story.
White Feathers is the story of what would happen if we were given one more day with someone we had lost. The main characters, a couple called Charles and Ruby, are modeled after my parents—most of the details of their lives are all based in fact, as well as a few extraordinary points. Needless to say, my book weaves faith and hope into a tale about lost love and dealing with that loss.
In an effort to do a little more, I decided to publish my book and contribute all proceeds to cancer research. It is currently available through www.amazon.com for purchase. I created a web site http://www.pamelajouan.com"> that talks more about my book and has a list of questions to base a book club discussion on."
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thoughts on Being Invisible
Have you ever had a moment or a day when you felt invisible? The world goes on around you, and yet, you feel of little consequence. Thoughts invade, what if I were to disappear, would anyone care -- would there be any impact on other lives? Yes, I know there would be, but in my five minutes of invisibility today, I wondered. How many others walk around this life feeling invisible and don't get through that feeling in five minutes.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Comparing the Death of a Spouse and Divorce
Can We Compare Death of a Spouse with Divorce?
Elaine Williams ©2008
I’ve been asked if the pain of divorce is comparable to the death of a spouse. Having experienced both scenarios, I can say yes and no.
Is there a difference in the emotional quality of life or the emotional devastation that occurs? Both are equated with feelings of abandonment, pain and emptiness.
Some widows and widowers will argue there is no comparison. Death is not a choice. It is life interrupted. Death leaves us with no options in the final round as compared to divorce. Divorce is a choice not to love the person you were married to – but in my opinion, “not always.” In divorce, there is one leaving and one left behind. Whether divorce or death, both situations involve distressing circumstances, equally divergent set of emotions, running on parallel lines, sometimes intermingling or converging. Neither situation is easy or quick.
From my own experience with divorce, I married young, but after two years the relationship became suffocating. I sought counseling, but nothing seemed to lift me from my despair. I was torn by the traditional values that were ingrained in me; that marriage is a commitment and sacred trust. The union I’d entered so hopefully and willingly two years before was slowly killing me emotionally and mentally. It came down to survival. I chose to save myself, and after six months of painful indecision, I left.
Even though I chose to leave, I suffered at hurting the person I had once loved, and no doubt I left devastation in my wake. It wasn’t until some 20 plus years later that I actually made contact with my ex-husband. I felt sympathy laced with sadness to learn he was dying. In our small town I had avoided him in the intervening years, and in the last months of his life, I acknowledged his presence, our past, by sending him a get well card that I truly meant. This minor contact let him know I forgave him for the past, and I forgave myself for closing all thoughts of him from my heart and mind. Did it change the decision I made to end our marriage years before, or open the way for any regrets? No.
A few months before he died I dreamed of him. We were both in water, but he was drowning. I pulled him out, got help and resumed what I was doing. He came back a short time later and thanked me for helping him. When I awoke, I realized that all our relationships leave a residue in our lives, imprinting us with their memories. Whether we end a relationship or someone walks away from us, there is pain, a sense of loss, a questioning of ourselves. Could we have been better, smarter, more loving?
We could avoid pain by not loving anyone, close down life and become angry and bitter. We might as well lock ourselves in a dark room and never emerge to experience life’s joy.
Life is filled with incredible loss and devastation after the death of a spouse, but there is an equally big hole when a divorce takes place, on both sides, whether we consciously choose to acknowledge it or not.
Is the pain of divorce and the loss of a spouse on equal footing? They each carry incredible pain and repercussions, abandonment issues that blast a hole in the heart. Why do we even need to compare? Both scenarios involve a death of someone we loved, a loss that is irrevocably seared on our hearts.
Elaine Williams ©2008
I’ve been asked if the pain of divorce is comparable to the death of a spouse. Having experienced both scenarios, I can say yes and no.
Is there a difference in the emotional quality of life or the emotional devastation that occurs? Both are equated with feelings of abandonment, pain and emptiness.
Some widows and widowers will argue there is no comparison. Death is not a choice. It is life interrupted. Death leaves us with no options in the final round as compared to divorce. Divorce is a choice not to love the person you were married to – but in my opinion, “not always.” In divorce, there is one leaving and one left behind. Whether divorce or death, both situations involve distressing circumstances, equally divergent set of emotions, running on parallel lines, sometimes intermingling or converging. Neither situation is easy or quick.
From my own experience with divorce, I married young, but after two years the relationship became suffocating. I sought counseling, but nothing seemed to lift me from my despair. I was torn by the traditional values that were ingrained in me; that marriage is a commitment and sacred trust. The union I’d entered so hopefully and willingly two years before was slowly killing me emotionally and mentally. It came down to survival. I chose to save myself, and after six months of painful indecision, I left.
Even though I chose to leave, I suffered at hurting the person I had once loved, and no doubt I left devastation in my wake. It wasn’t until some 20 plus years later that I actually made contact with my ex-husband. I felt sympathy laced with sadness to learn he was dying. In our small town I had avoided him in the intervening years, and in the last months of his life, I acknowledged his presence, our past, by sending him a get well card that I truly meant. This minor contact let him know I forgave him for the past, and I forgave myself for closing all thoughts of him from my heart and mind. Did it change the decision I made to end our marriage years before, or open the way for any regrets? No.
A few months before he died I dreamed of him. We were both in water, but he was drowning. I pulled him out, got help and resumed what I was doing. He came back a short time later and thanked me for helping him. When I awoke, I realized that all our relationships leave a residue in our lives, imprinting us with their memories. Whether we end a relationship or someone walks away from us, there is pain, a sense of loss, a questioning of ourselves. Could we have been better, smarter, more loving?
We could avoid pain by not loving anyone, close down life and become angry and bitter. We might as well lock ourselves in a dark room and never emerge to experience life’s joy.
Life is filled with incredible loss and devastation after the death of a spouse, but there is an equally big hole when a divorce takes place, on both sides, whether we consciously choose to acknowledge it or not.
Is the pain of divorce and the loss of a spouse on equal footing? They each carry incredible pain and repercussions, abandonment issues that blast a hole in the heart. Why do we even need to compare? Both scenarios involve a death of someone we loved, a loss that is irrevocably seared on our hearts.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Book Review: Surviving Ben's Suicide by C.Comfort Shields
Recently, I was asked to review a book entitled "Surviving Ben's Suicide, A Woman's Journey of Self-Discovery" by C. Comfort Shields. My review follows:
"Surviving loss. Comfort Shields' story about surviving and living again after the suicide of her boyfriend is deeply personal and poignantly honest. Suicide is devastating, leaving loved ones bereft and with unanswered questions. Human life is frail, but as Comfort comes to understand, we are only responsible for our own actions and decisions. As much as we love another, we can only do so much to help them on their life journey, and the final decisions are up to each individual. Her story will reach out and touch many suffering along the same path."
Comfort's writing draws you into the story of her life as a young woman. And her love for Ben, a troubled young man. I am posting an excerpt with permission.
"...And then it hit me that I had been feeling lousy at work because I thought that I deserved it. I thought so because I believed that I was responsible for Ben’s death. But I wasn’t responsible for the choices that Ben made...
This revelation freed something inside of me, and I was able to go to work the following Monday and see myself through the eyes of the people around me. I knew I had made a mistake or two that week and that I would make another the next. I also knew, though, that most of the work I did was pretty good. And I knew that sometimes my boss might feel a little annoyed with me but wouldn’t have asked me to stay in my job if she had not wanted me there. Not only did I like and respect my boss, but she had become my good friend—even though I had not allowed myself to believe that she was my friend. . . .
I began to think about how Ben came to me—how he may have tried Sarah Lawrence as a last resort and how others had turned away from him. I started to feel proud that I had been there to reach out to him. And then I saw clearly that I had taken on a huge responsibility and that I had expected to win. The stakes were high. Life and death. Although Ben had not survived, at least I could say that I tried."
"Surviving loss. Comfort Shields' story about surviving and living again after the suicide of her boyfriend is deeply personal and poignantly honest. Suicide is devastating, leaving loved ones bereft and with unanswered questions. Human life is frail, but as Comfort comes to understand, we are only responsible for our own actions and decisions. As much as we love another, we can only do so much to help them on their life journey, and the final decisions are up to each individual. Her story will reach out and touch many suffering along the same path."
Comfort's writing draws you into the story of her life as a young woman. And her love for Ben, a troubled young man. I am posting an excerpt with permission.
"...And then it hit me that I had been feeling lousy at work because I thought that I deserved it. I thought so because I believed that I was responsible for Ben’s death. But I wasn’t responsible for the choices that Ben made...
This revelation freed something inside of me, and I was able to go to work the following Monday and see myself through the eyes of the people around me. I knew I had made a mistake or two that week and that I would make another the next. I also knew, though, that most of the work I did was pretty good. And I knew that sometimes my boss might feel a little annoyed with me but wouldn’t have asked me to stay in my job if she had not wanted me there. Not only did I like and respect my boss, but she had become my good friend—even though I had not allowed myself to believe that she was my friend. . . .
I began to think about how Ben came to me—how he may have tried Sarah Lawrence as a last resort and how others had turned away from him. I started to feel proud that I had been there to reach out to him. And then I saw clearly that I had taken on a huge responsibility and that I had expected to win. The stakes were high. Life and death. Although Ben had not survived, at least I could say that I tried."
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Living Fully
Life is certainly different after loss, and it's true we don't have a clue how it will turn out. I've changed in so many ways, grown stronger as new experiences have reshaped my life today. I try to remain open to living, and I am at a different place than I ever might have imagined. My life and interests have branched off on a totally different course than if my husband had lived. And at this time, 4 years later, I know life, despite everything, is good for me.
It has become vitally important for me to do the things I enjoy, even start new interests that I've always wanted to try. I've reshaped my life socially, because relationship dynamics change when you're no longer part of a couple. But all in all, I have grown and become empowered through this process. And grief is an ongoing process. It's so important not to shut down or get stuck in anger or bitterness. We can't allow ourselves to spin in place very long and remain stuck looking back at what we had and what might have been. Life is for living and I intend to live my share and perhaps a bit more.
It has become vitally important for me to do the things I enjoy, even start new interests that I've always wanted to try. I've reshaped my life socially, because relationship dynamics change when you're no longer part of a couple. But all in all, I have grown and become empowered through this process. And grief is an ongoing process. It's so important not to shut down or get stuck in anger or bitterness. We can't allow ourselves to spin in place very long and remain stuck looking back at what we had and what might have been. Life is for living and I intend to live my share and perhaps a bit more.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Featured Author on Nourishing Relationships
I'm a featured author on Nourishing Relationships tomorrow. Hop on over. http://www.nourishingrelationships.blogspot.com>
Thursday, July 17, 2008
"When Does Touch Become Critical" Featured on www.opentohope.com
I am now a contributing author on www.opentohope.com. This site has a wealth of grief and loss related information from various authors and professionals. Please check it out.
http://opentohope.com/hope/dealing-with-grief/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-spouse/when-does-touch-become-critical/>
http://opentohope.com/hope/dealing-with-grief/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-spouse/when-does-touch-become-critical/>
More Stages of Grief - Memorial Hospital Hospice
This site offers some more good information on the stages of grief. Following the five stages they also list "Grief and Stress" and "Recovering from Grief."
http://www.memorialhospital.org/Library/general/stress-THE-3.html>
http://www.memorialhospital.org/Library/general/stress-THE-3.html>
Stages of Grief - It can be a Messy Process
From my own experience as a widow of four years, not only writing about grief the last several years but talking with others -- often times people don't understand the sometimes messy, non-linear and very individual grief process. There is no set way to do it. However, I've found the best way to "do it" is to take it day by day, sometimes moment by moment. No expectations, no hard and fast rules, just do what works to get yourself through it and into a better place emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
The Kubler-Ross Model defines the stages as follows: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Even Elisabeth Kubler-Ross stated that not everyone always experiences all of these stages nor are they experienced in a clear, linear fashion. Kulber-Ross talked about the above stages in relation to someone who is dying, and also those who have lost a loved one. However, these stages of grief can also be linked to a situation which involves a real or perceived lack of control over one's life.
In the end, it's interesting how we each handle life's "smackdowns".
The Kubler-Ross Model defines the stages as follows: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Even Elisabeth Kubler-Ross stated that not everyone always experiences all of these stages nor are they experienced in a clear, linear fashion. Kulber-Ross talked about the above stages in relation to someone who is dying, and also those who have lost a loved one. However, these stages of grief can also be linked to a situation which involves a real or perceived lack of control over one's life.
In the end, it's interesting how we each handle life's "smackdowns".
Inspired Stamping with Sympathy Cards
I found this blog this morning by Annette Rolls, entitled, "How to Express Sympathy in Sympathy Cards. Supporting Others in the Loss of a Loved One." What's interesting about Annette's post, her suggestions are applicable to anyone having suffered the loss of a loved one, whether it is in relation to creating a special sympathy card or helping that person through their loss in daily life. Here is the URL.
http://www.inspiredstamping.com/my_weblog/2008/07/how-to-extendin.html?cid=122666708/>
http://www.inspiredstamping.com/my_weblog/2008/07/how-to-extendin.html?cid=122666708/>
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