A Recent Widower

I met a man online today through one of the blogs, and he's newly widowed. His wife passed away about two weeks ago. He's full of vim and vigor and determined to move on, as he put it, and I interpret that to mean move through his grief experience quickly and pick up the threads of his previous life.

I remember being that and there and now, four years later, I offered him what I hope will be taken as words of help. Please take it slow and don't try to take on the world, let it come to you for awhile until you adjust to this new life that is now yours.

I know from my own experience the twisted, convoluted, surprising, painful and yes sometimes exhiliarating ride ahead. I also know we can support and help others along this grief jouroney as best we can, but in the end, it's each individual's show. Their decisions. Their life.

Visiting Other Blogs

One practice I've gotten into is visiting other blogs in relation to loss, grief and widows. It's amazing the diversity of thoughts out there, and yet there's always that common thread, loss of a loved one. There is such a wide range of emotion in the grief process, and yet many of us share the most basic reaction to death; feelings of despair, perhaps abandonment -- and the mindset that life will never be the same again.

One thing that has been brought home to me is that every new day can present a unique set of circumstances. How we react in our daily life shape us -- but only as long as we allow it to. We can integrate change any time we wish, sometimes slow, sometimes not. No one should ever expect a grieving individual to forget the past. Our past, our relationships, made us who we are. Just because we are able to have joy again in our lives doesn't diminish the anguish and pain that we once felt so keenly.