Widowed or Divorced -- Alone During the Holidays

Widowed or Divorced -- Alone During the Holidays
Elaine Williams ©2008
I understand the pain of being left alone during the holiday season, and the pain is especially acute for a new widow.

For many people, holidays center around family and celebrations, and this time of year can be one of the most difficult times to get through. After the loss of your partner there’s nothing quite as painful as that emptiness, whether it’s a holiday once shared, or an anniversary or birthday.

Even if the loss is due to divorce, it is still a major life change, subject to emotions of loss, anger or perhaps feelings of abandonment. Through the holidays these emotions may surface and be experienced more strongly than other times of the year.

Some may argue that death of a spouse is out of your control and therefore worse than divorce. If the partner you love has divorced you, your choice has been taken away -- similar to losing someone to death. There’s also the added complication of perhaps feeling as if you've been thrown away, an understandably devastating experience. I have experienced both divorce and death, and the aftermath in each instance is neither pretty nor painless.

Does losing a partner in death hurt more than divorce? Losing someone you love, regardless of how that occurs, is a permanent wound on the heart. During holidays and special times, try not to totally isolate yourself, thereby adding to moments of stress or alienation. Allow family and friends to help you get through difficult times, even if it’s something as simple as picking up your children from school or helping you shop for groceries. You can still be alone with your thoughts to sort through your grief, but it doesn’t hurt to allow others to help absorb some of the heartache during this time of year.

Those who really care for you will be glad to assist you on your journey, so be open to accepting help from time to time.