Loss, Grief and Renewal

Grief During the Holidays and Book Discount "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" only $8.95

2009-12-08T12:10:00.010-05:00

Grief and mourning during the holidays can be very draining, not only for those mourning the loss of a loved one, but for those around you also. Our friends and family want us to be happy, but at times, it seems like there's nothing that can help us lift this despair. Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen or perhaps a read from someone who has been in your shoes and understands what you're experiencing.

During this sometimes stressful period, I'd like to offer my book, "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" at an appreciable discount. My mission is and always has been to get the book out to those who really need to read it -- or get it into the hands of those who know someone that needs to read it. Perhaps you are that someone or know that someone in your family, community or circle of friends.

Please use this direct link for your discount. If you would like the book autographed, please email me at onwingspress@yahoo.com or write a short note on the special instructions on the paypal order page. You do not have to be a member of paypal, but can pay securely with major credit card.

You can go to the link on my website or the link on the right to order through paypal.

Website:
http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com/order.html

Judi's House for Grieving Kids

2009-06-25T22:17:00.004-04:00

Judi’s House was founded by Brian Griese in honor and in memory of his mother who died when he was twelve years old.

The vision of Judi's House is a community in which no child has to feel alone in grief. Our mission is to help children and families who are grieving the death of a loved one find hope and healing within themselves. At Judi's House, an environment of acceptance and understanding allows children and adults in peer support groups to share the experience of loss with others. Judi’s House increases awareness and knowledge of grieving children’s needs by extending grief support services to schools, faith-based groups, hospices, and other caregivers in the community.
Judi's House is located in Denver, Colorado, and more than 2,600 children and their adult caregivers from the metro area have participated in our groups since we opened our doors in 2002.

"The death of a loved one can be an overwhelming experience for anyone. For a child, whose entire experience of the world is defined by their connection to a handful of people, the death of one of those people can be isolating, confusing, life-altering … devastating. While other family members are overcome with their own experience of grief and loss, children often become forgotten mourners." http://www.judishouse.org//">

Radio Interview with a Twist

2009-06-21T21:14:00.002-04:00

On June 17th I was invited to be interviewed on Blog Talk Radio by Michael Gogger, and this was a first for me, because Michael is a psychic medium. He was gracious enough to invite me to be on his show and it was a wonderful experience. Take a listen and visit http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Michael-Gogger/2009/06/17/Elaine-Williams-on-The-Michael-Gogger-Show/">

Limited Special, Autographed Copy of A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss for $7.95

2009-06-21T20:09:00.007-04:00

I'm doing a special on my book, A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss, for a limited time only. Get the book for only $7.95, including postage. (NYS resident must pay sales tax.) This offer is only available on my website at the following link -- http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com/">

Guest Post by Richard Moyle -- Mesothelioma Cancer Center at Asbestos.com.

2009-06-11T22:30:00.006-04:00

The Process of Grief
This is a guest post by Richard Moyle from the Mesothelioma Cancer Center at Asbestos.com. Asbestos.com is committed to providing the latest, up-to-date information to our visitors in the hopes of spreading awareness about the dangers of asbestos cancer.

Mesothelioma is a rare cancer that is caused by exposure to asbestos. This type of cancer is typically diagnosed in its later stages and is usually difficult to treat. This is because the cancer has an unusually long latency period and mesothelioma symptoms do not begin to show for at least 25 years after exposure. The typical life expectancy of someone diagnosed with mesothelioma is about one year after diagnosis.

Losing a loved one, whether it be a tragic accident or an illness, is one of the most difficult things to cope with and no two people deal with the loss of a loved one the same way. However, there is a general process that most people go through after the death of someone close to them.

British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby has presented a 4-step process
that looks at grief through the eyes of someone who wants to continue living even though their loved one has passed on. Bowlby clarifies that the stages of the grieving process can shift and overlap and remarks that ALL stages of the grief process may even take place at the same time and that the amount of time spent in each may be controlled by a huge number of factors including age, personality, and the conditions surrounding the death of the loved one.
The 4-step process is as follows:

• Shock and Numbness – Feelings of unreality and de-personalization (i.e. "This isn’t happening to me."), people in this stage practice "self-protective" behaviors, which makes them appear stoic but that is just a defense mechanism against pain.

• Yearning and Searching – Also known as "pining", the bereaved longs to be with the deceased. Some say they see or hear the deceased during this stage. The bereaved speculates how they will get along without their loved one. This is a long stage for many, but some pass through it rather quickly.

• Disorganization and Despair – Mourning sets in. The bereaved may experience deep depression or despair and feelings of bleakness. Some individuals require therapy during this time, especially when anguish hinders everyday activities or results in contemplation of suicide.

• Reorganization – The bereaved "assimilates" their loss. The person who has reached reorganization is now learning how to live life without their loved one. This stage may represent a redefinition of life for many individuals.
There is no set amount of time for each of the first three stages and anyone can get stuck in one for a long amount of time. This is not a problem as long as it does not interfere with things like the person’s job or personal relationships. If that point is reached, it is helpful for a friend to step in and assist the bereaved in seeking professional help.

Book Contest

2009-04-20T10:24:00.001-04:00

Enter today to win a copy of "A Journey Well Taken: Life AFter Loss," by Elaine Williams. Simply send an email to media@onwingspress.com with ENTER ME in the subject line.

Heal Your Pain, Releasing the Emotions of Grief

2009-04-09T22:59:00.009-04:00

Heal Your Pain is now available, go to the link below. It will also be on Amazon shortly. In the meantime, you can go here to purchase the book http://greenesrelease.com/?page_id=3725/">

My portion of the proceeds will be going to Make a Wish Foundation at http://www.wish.org

The Author's Show on the air Today

2009-04-08T16:38:00.001-04:00

I had an interesting interview with Don McCauley of The Authors Show, which is getting a lot of press and alot of traffic to their site. The interview is about 15 minutes and you can listen to it here all day on April 8 at http://www.theauthorsshow.com/">

Author's Show Interview April 8

2009-03-23T22:12:00.003-04:00

Can Spring be in the Air?

2009-03-13T16:10:00.001-04:00

Where I live in the mountains, Spring likes to tickle and tease, then jumps back and away as we get more snow and winds, bringing the temperature from a March 45 degrees to a 14 degree morning. I’ve lived here 30 years, and I’ve learned you can’t be fooled by what “appears” to be Spring. I admit I’m anxious for the warmer weather. Even more time outdoors, no heavy boots, coats or gloves. I do enjoy some parts of the winter, I still hike, snowshoe or x country skiing, snowmobiling, but those windy, - degree weather days, those I don’t miss.

Every day for the last few weeks I’ve been taking the pup out for hikes over our old logging roads out back. Yesterday we went quite deep and up the mountain, and began coming down some ledges, when behind us I heard dogs howling and yipping from where we’d just come. So we hotfooted it out of there. Myself and a 28 lb. border collie/australian shepard 5 month pup might not be a match for 4 or 5 wild dogs. I’ve run into this from time to time, but thus far I’ve been lucky…so, extra precautions next time we’re off into the woods.

So, this weekend looks like it will be in the 50’s, and perhaps Spring is teasing us again, and Monday and Tuesday it may drop back down to the 20’s again, but I guess I’ll take the warmer temperatures this weekend. Family gatherings and then on to swing dancing on Saturday evening. Should be fun.

16 year olds in charge of the world

2009-03-10T15:16:00.004-04:00

What would that be like? For myself, this is the 3rd time I've experienced life with a 16 year old boy, so I can't speak for girls.

As a parent I wouldn't have to worry anymore about the decisions they're making, why they resist curfew or the notion that they're speeding down some dark road, literally and figuratively.

Being in charge, they'd hopefully have a pretty good handle on how situations will turn out, before they join other 16 year olds and charge into a situation.

"Stay out of my life and my things" will become pretty much a standard, accepted phrase.

16 year olds in charge of the world -- think of the stress, fear and tears it will save parents...............
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Nahhh, I don't buy it. I guess some of us will just have to keep on letting them think they're in charge of their world, while we look out on our end, teach them the best we can, and then hope for the best.

Soon to be Released: Heal Your Pain: Releasing the Emotions of Grief & Loss

2009-03-04T22:42:00.003-05:00

“HEAL YOUR PAIN, Releasing the emotions of Grief & Loss” - by Janet Greene & Elaine Williams - Paperback
We are very excited to announce the upcoming release of Heal Your Pain.

This Companion Handbook is the perfect gift for a grieving friend or relative, to guide them to release the overwhelming emotions as they surface (so they don’t have to carry them year after year) and as a resource to navigate the grief emotional roller coaster.

Heal Your Pain is also the perfect starting point for those who still carry the pain of a loss years or even decades ago. Until this emotional pain is released, healing and the capacity to move on is limited.

This gentle Companion Book will show you how to release the overwhelming pain that keeps reappearing at the most unexpected times, resolve and heal your emotional shocks, and prepare you to create a life beyond grief.

Availability Notification
Please email media@onwingspress.com with the topic Heal Your Pain and we will notify you.

Win a Copy of A Journey Well Taken Today

2009-03-04T21:25:00.004-05:00

Visit Bobby Ozuna's blog and post a comment about my book and/or radio interview on The Soul of Humanity Radio, and a winner will receive a signed copy of "A Journey Well Taken".

http://inotauthor.blogspot.com/2009/03/elaine-williams-author-interview-author.html/">

Desert Year - A Blog About the Desolation of Losing a Child

2009-03-03T22:18:00.002-05:00

I found a blog today -- or rather Gannet Girl found me. It's "Desert Year", URL below, the heartbreaking reflections of a parent having lost their 24 year old child only 6 months ago. I lost my spouse, the father of my children, and that was an experience I struggled with for five years. To my way of thinking, losing a child would seem to be absolutely the most devastating experience anyone could endure.

I too have a twenty four year old son.
http://www.desertyear.blogspot.com/">

The Soul of Humanity Interview March 4

2009-03-03T11:05:00.008-05:00

The Soul of Humanity Radio Interview March 4 at 8 p.m. ET with writer and promoter Bobby Ozuna at http://artistfirst.com/bobbyozuna.htm">

We will be talking about self-publishing in relation to my book, A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss, and also my new book coming out in April on healing grief through emotional releases. Heal Your Pain, Releasing the Emotions of Grief and Loss.

Stop by during the show. I will also be giving away a copy of A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss.

Book Contest

2009-02-27T23:09:00.002-05:00

Book Contest giveaway for March. Win a copy of A Journey Well Taken: Life AFter Loss by Elaine Williams. To enter, send an email to media (at) onwingspress.com with ENTER ME in the subject line.

Karing4Kerri cause and Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy

2009-02-17T19:38:00.004-05:00

A friend in NJ just told me about a neighbor of hers, whose granddaughter, Kerri is about 20 years old now and developed a terrible disease while in High School a few years ago. When you hear about things like this, you suddenly are reminded of how good your life is, and how important is our own and our children's health.

Kerri Jarvis has been struggling with a neurological disorder called Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. There is a Treatment in Germany that has a good chance of putting her in remission if it works. It will cost about $80,000 for the trip this summer. They have raised around $40,000 so far. If she is not able to get the treatment or go into remission, the Doctors give her only a couple of years to live. Even if you can donate $5, it would be a big help to them. There is a way to give with a credit card and paypal.

http://karing4kerri.com">

Heal the Grieving Heart Radio Interview Now Live

2009-02-12T12:47:00.002-05:00

To Visit the Site: Click Below
http://www.modavox.com/voiceamericacms/WebModules/HostModaview.aspx?HostId=80&ChannelId=5&Flag=1">

Heal the Grieving Heart Radio Show Interview

2009-02-09T21:57:00.010-05:00

To Visit the Site: Click Below
http://www.modavox.com/voiceamericacms/WebModules/HostModaview.aspx?HostId=80&ChannelId=5&Flag=1">

Alone on Valentine's Day

2009-02-08T17:08:00.004-05:00

Elaine Williams
copyright 2009
According to the U.S Census Bureau, there are approximately 700,000 new widows every year. The emotional and monetary problems that affect those experiencing widowhood are staggering. This is no small problem, as 32% of women aged 55 and older live alone, according to the 2000 U.S. Census.

Being alone during special days like Valentine’s Day can be incredibly painful for those who have lost a loved one. It's often considered a special day for couples, and if you’re recently bereaved, it can be an especially difficult time to get through. One way to lessen any negative impact of this day is to plan ahead – perhaps go out to dinner with friends or a movie. Create something special for yourself.

The stress of dealing with the death of a spouse makes it quite difficult to function at times. In addition to the loss of income, the widow or widower may also face debt issues and the pressure of becoming a single parent. When you lose someone you love, it is a permanent wound on the heart. Loss of any kind is never easy, but you can begin to enjoy life once more, even if it’s only one evening at a time. Be kind to yourself.

Virtual Blog Tour of Sites Related to Loss, Grief and Bereavement

2009-01-30T17:00:00.003-05:00

Blog Tour
This list is a wonderful compilation of books, blogs, websites, services, magazine….all related in some manner to loss, grief and bereavement. This is by no means a complete list, but it is a start.

(No endorsement is made and all sites listed are for information purposes only.)

A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss by Elaine Williams, a widow’s journey through loss, grief and renewal. http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com. Blog: http://www.ajourneywelltaken.blogspot.com Midwest Book Review, 5 Stars.
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Dave Pipitone - "The Hope Patch", http://www.thehopepatch.com is a way to remember those who have passed on. Articles and resources for living with hope for new life.
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Wendy L. Christensen: An inspirational letter written by Wendy at 15, to her older brother Travis who died at 17. “This letter was therapeutic for me and I have received so many emails and phone calls over it. My brother, Travis, had a huge impact on my life.” "It's the Little Moments that Matter" contains 26 simple steps to enrich every moment of life! http://www.littlemomentsthatmatter.com/travis.html
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Jane Galbraith’s "Baby Boomers Face Grief - Survival and Recovery". Jane’s background is a degree in nursing and 20 years working in the community health care system. If you would like more info on the book you can find the introductory chapter and her bio etc at http://www.trafford.com/05-2319
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Carol Ann Loehr - Website for Understanding Suicide & Depression – http://www.thegiftofkeith.org
On March 29, 1999 , our son Keith died by suicide. At the time of his death I had no knowledge of suicide, and I was inundated with inaccurate and outdated description of suicide and its causes. In 2002, I created a website of information to help comfort and educate survivors of suicide, as well as clergy, health care professionals and counselors. In 2006 I wrote a children's book, “My Uncle Keith Died”. This book helps explain a death by suicide and the illness of depression. Available at Trafford Publishing or call Toll Free (888)232-4444; and Amazon.com.
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Sandy Fox - "I Have No Intention of Saying Goodbye." Sandy interviewed 25 sets of parents about the death of a child and how they have moved on with their lives. Sandy’s story is in the book also. http://www.sandyfoxauthor.comwww.survivinggrief.blogspot.com
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Annette Gonzalez: http://www.marinasabundance.blogspot.com/
Website: http://www.orphanat60.com Annette writes and speaks about feeling like an "orphan" at sixty years of age. Her father died five months after her mother. Shares her experiences as a daughter, caregiver, wife and mother.
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The Light Beyond, Lucie Storrs – http://www.thelightbeyond.com Grief forum, inspirational movie and helpful bereavement site. “Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep” ebook of over 250 sympathy poems, quotations and readings for funerals, memorial services and inner peace. “If There's Anything I Can Do” guide for friends and families of the bereaved.
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Research Study on Social Relationships and Loss
A new study on social relationships and loss is being conducted by a doctoral student at The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. You are invited to participate in this important new study investigating interpersonal relationships and how they might have affected your feelings about your loss.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=yXh28AbGKsj9ycoMzVE7ew_3d_3d
Questions or would like the questionnaires sent to you, contact Naomi Edelson by phone at (415) 290-0164 or by email at lossresearch@gmail.com.
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A Masters degree and 24 years of Adoption Social Work did not prepare Chris Mulligan for the devastation after the death of her son, Zac. Her grief journey, revealed through “Afterlife Agreements: A Gift From Beyond” describes in detail the mother/son relationship that continues beyond death through documented signs and communication. Healing and a new life emerged as the result of learning about life lessons, death and the afterlife. http://Afterlifebooks.com
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Harry Line Helping Parents Deal with The Loss of Their Baby - http://the-harry-line-helpingparents.blogspot.com/
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Fran Dorf’s acclaimed, internationally published psychological novels include A Reasonable Madness (Birch Lane, Signet, 1990/91), Flight (Dutton/Signet, 1992/93), and Saving Elijah (Putnam, 2000), which was inspired by the tragic death of Fran’s son, Michael, and which a starred Publisher’s Weekly review called, “a stunning tale that crackles with suspense, dark humor, and provocative questions.” A bereavement and creativity expert and psychotherapist, Fran holds advanced degrees in journalism, psychology, and social work. She is currently working on a book of personal essays called, “How I Lost My Bellybutton and Other Survival Stories"; and writes poetry, essays and articles on a variety of topics including bereavement. Using her unique background and experience, Fran has developed the WRITE TO HEAL WORKSHOP, which employs exercises, and fictional/interrogative techniques, some arising out of themes developed in Saving Elijah, to deepen and clarify self knowledge, stimulate the imagination, and generate meaningful story, memoir, metaphor, and/or image around loss. Fran has conducted the Workshop with a variety of groups including the bereaved, addicted, traumatized, homeless, women’s groups, those dealing with chronic or serious illness, and the mentally ill. Her essay, “My Son’s Name Was Michael – Not Elijah,” will be published in an anthology on therapeutic writing this spring. Fran is also an active philanthropist, and has a blog called THE BRUISED MUSE, an e-zine on “grief, life and everything in between” at http://www.frandorf.com/. For a workshop with your group, or for individual psychotherapy or counseling, contact Fran directly at frandorf@aol.com.
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Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation National Conference on Widowhood, San Diego, California -- July 17-19, 2009
This event will provide a variety of inspiring role models, a hope-filled, supportive environment, and programs focused on giving women the tools they need to rebuild their lives after the devastating loss of a spouse. http://www.sslf.org/conference.html
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Sharon - Grandma is a writer - http://grandmaisawriter.blogspot.com/ Shares thoughts about writing, about life and to promote the book, “Aloha is Forever” about the loss of her son in Hawaii who went on a hike and disappeared. http://www.tnchristianpublishers.com/products

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Tiffany - Life after his Death -- Perspectives encountered from loss. http://acancerwidow.blogspot.com/
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Christa Scalies lost her close friend Jim to suicide in 2005. Christa was on a self-destructive suicidal path but the shock of her friend’s death actually helped save her life. Experiencing the devastation of his sudden passing caused her to examine every detail of her life. Christa embarked on a path of self-healing, learning and laughing. In 2008 she created Giggle On!, a motivational and inspirational web site, to share her story and help empower people to enjoy the lighter and happier sides of life. Christa works to raise money and awareness for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. http://www.giggleon.com.
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Crumbling Walls - a mother grieves the loss of her 18 year old son to suicide - http://crumblingwalls.wordpress.com/
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Janine - Widow and mother of 6 Blog, One Breath at a Time - http://txmomx6.blogspot.com/
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Carol O’Dell – Author “Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir” ISBN – 13:978-1-60164-003-1. http://www.Mothering-Mother.com - Family Advisor at http://www.caring.com/familyadvisor Blog - http://carolodell.wordpress.com
A bitingly humorous and unflinchingly honest memoir. Carol's mother has Parkinson's Disease, Alzheimer’s, and a heart condition and Carol's decision not to put her mother "in one of those homes" has far-reaching consequences for her family. She must learn to Mother her own mother. This refreshing and entertaining memoir will help baby boomers struggling with their own decisions on elder care in the home.
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Widowsbreathe Coaching: Mie Elmhirst, CPCC, PCC provides Coaching, Support and Information for Widows www.widowsbreathe.com

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Keepsakes, Etc. features Sympathy Throws as a bereavement gift for family and friends. They will embroider personalized messages on most throws and ship nationwide. http://www.keepsakes-etc.com/sympathygift.html
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“Room for Two” by Widower Abel Keogh - http://abelkeogh.com/room-for-two/
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Beautiful Earthen Urns - http://spiritkeeper-urns.com/
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Resolving Grief with Hypnosis and EFT -Carol Henderson Certified Hypnotherapist
EFT Practitioner
New Day Hypnotherapy, LLC
Kansas City Area
Carol@NewDayHypno.com
http://www.newdayhypno.com/resolving_grief_with_hypnosis_and_eft.html
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Marsha at “Breathings of the Heart” - Marsha began the blog as an outlet of musings, writings and journaling following the loss of her husband in 2005. Today, it continues to be an extension of her journey... may you enjoy the travels with her.
http://mfisteach.blogspot.com/
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Cathy - Lessons From Lou - http://lessonsfromlou.blogspot.com/ - Cathy’s journey through the brain tumor world with her husband, Lou.
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Ian - Single Parent Dad - http://www.singleparentdad.blogspot.com
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Bill- Dying Man’s Daily Journal - http://hudds53.wordpress.com/
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The Price of Love - http://thepriceoflove.net/ - a father's journey through breast cancer, bereavement and recovery.
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Maureen’s Mission - http://www.maureensmission.org/thebook.php .- Breast Cancer Advocacy – One couple’s journey through misdiagnosis.
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Lisa - Grace Between the Lines - http://bump-on-the-road.blogspot.com/ - Blog continues in memory of Annette, with a new name, Grace Between the Lines by her sister, Lisa.
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Dr. Doris Jeanette, a holistic psychologist with 33 years of experience showing people how to find their own inner strengths, and author of" Opening the Heart", an emotional guide into healing your grieving heart from the bottom outward. http://www.drjeanette.com
Speaker, columnist, radio host and author of Opening the Heart, Overcoming Anxiety Naturally and 14 other self help products.
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Eric Tomei - http://www.lostdadsclub.com/ Help me raise 1 Million dollars for Habitat for Humanity. It was my Dad's favorite charity. Please help me honor his memory and support this great organization. Author “I Miss My Dad.” Eric is an ordinary guy who wrote about her dad to deal with his grief.

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Cindy Bullens – Recording artists and songwriter. http://www.cindybullens.com/workshop/ - “Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth: Grieving Out Loud”.

"When my daughter Jessie died on March 23, 1996, just weeks after her eleventh birthday, I felt my own life end. I couldn't imagine that I could ever again be a productive human being. Cindy has touched thousands of people around the world with Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth's inspired songs of despair and loss, love and hope.”

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Betsy – author ISABELLE'S DREAM - Based on the true story of two sisters, / Isabelle’s Dream/ takes the reader on a heartwarming journey from grief to hope. The book's black-and-white illustrations invite children to bring their own creativity to each page, using crayons, markers, colored pencils, or even glitter glue. After coloring the sisters’ shimmering wings, butterflies, gardens, the earth, and the sea, boys and girls will find several blank activity pages. These pages encourage children to create original drawings or words.

Available through Quality of Life Publishing (www.qolpublishing.com; to order call *1-877-513-0099* during regular business hours Eastern time) or via amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com.

In memory of Sophia Zartarian Nagle, author Betsy Bottino Arenella is donating 100 percent of royalties from /Isabelle's Dream/ to the national charitable SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood) Program (www://sudc.org ). To learn more about Sophia's life and the birth of Isabelle's Dream, visit www.isabellesdream.org
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http://widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com/ Widow's Voice - A place to find your own voice, to hear other widow's voices...and to find comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

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Grief Sites
http://www.youngwidow.com – Provides a forum for young widows and widowers to connect online, find understanding and validation of their feelings so that they are able to recover their joy for life, reclaim their identities and rebuild their futures.
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http://indygriefloss.com/index.htm - Indianapolis Grief & Loss Consulting Services
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http://mymeaningfullife.com/ - Finding Meaning in Grief & Loss
Ligia M. Houben, is an author, consultant and educator. She consults with individuals and corporations on life transitions with the purpose of providing meaningful tools to transform losses and challenges. She obtained her B.A. from the University of Miami in psychology and Religious Studies and a Masters Degree in religious studies and gerontology from Florida International University. Ligia also has a Graduate Certificate in Loss and Healing from St. Thomas University and is a Certified Grief Counselor, a Certified Addiction Counselor and a Certified Thanatologist: death, dying and bereavement.
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http://www.aarp.org/families/grief_loss/ - AARP – Helpful Links for Those After Loss of a loved one.
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http://www.bereavementmag.com/page.cfm?pageid=9009 - Hope and Healing for the Body, Mind and Spirit. Living with Loss Magazine
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http://www.centerforloss.com/index.php - Center for Loss and Life Transition
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http://www.compassionbooks.com/store/index.php - More than 400 books, videos, and audios to help children and adults through serious illness, death and dying, grief, bereavement, and losses of all kinds, including divorce, suicide, trauma, and violence. Reviewed and selected by knowledgeable professionals.
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http://www.coping-with-loss-and-grief.com/index.html - Grief Counseling, Bereavement Counseling
Individuals, Families, Small Grief Counseling Groups
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http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/index.html - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross - Grief & Bereavement
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http://www.goodbooksnw.com/ - GoodBooksNW is an independent online bookseller specializing in books on divorce, blended families and grief.
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http://www.goodgriefresources.com/ - Bereavement, Loss and Grief Resources
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http://www.griefsjourney.com/index.php?&MMN_position=1:1 - Grief's Journey, where the primary focus is on the bereavement for the loss of a spouse and life partner.
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http://www.groww.org/Branches/gfwo.htm - GROWW For Widowed allows us to be or do whatever it takes to move forward, to know that letting go of the pain is not letting go of the memory of the love.
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http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm - Coping with Grief and Loss, Support for Grieving and Bereavement
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http://www.missfoundation.org/index.html - M.I.S.S. Foundation, support when a child dies
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http://atruecalling-truewonder.blogspot.com/ Truewonder lost her eldest son in 2003, little did I know that starting a blog in 2008 was the healing balm I most needed. It is a cleverly disguised blog about a sustainable farmer...as I have become just that. It started it out as farmer related stories, but my writing revealed to me that my grief, joy experiences were stories that caused many ripples in the lives of others.
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http://www.momminusdad.com/ - Do you struggle to find resources and advice while you juggle your life with the needs of a newly widowed parent? Author Jamieson Haverkampf, gleaned intimate knowledge of balancing her own life with a newly widowed parent, having aided her fifty-six-year-old widowed mother in Virginia, while running her real estate business in California, after the early unpredicted loss of her father to cancer. “Mom Minus Dad”.
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http://www.nmha.org/index.cfm?objectid=C7DF9618-1372-4D20-C807F41CB3E97654 - Coping With Bereavement - Mental Health America
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http://www.onecaringplace.com/Default.asp?bhcd2=1233108612 - Publications to help you help others – One Caring Place
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http://www.ourhouse-grief.org/services.html#opt3 - Our House, Helping Grieving Hearts Heal, Child and Adolescent Grief
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http://www.pamblair.com - Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D., therapist and co-author of “I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One” (Sourcebooks, Inc.) as well as the companion workbook.
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http://www.hospicenet.org/ - Hospice - For patients and families facing life-threatening illness
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http://www.solacehouse.org/ - Solace House - A Center for Grieving Children and their Families.
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Open to Hope Foundation and The Grief Blog at http://www.opentohope.com and http://www.thegriefblog.com - Articles, radio show and information to help those who have suffered a loss.
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Widowslist - A blog and community where widows share problems and triumphs with lists of helpful people, companies and services. http://www.widowslist.com
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Jenslove – http://www.jenslove.com/"> – cofounders Mark Manning and Jessica Caron. A place to celebrate those loved and lost
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Loss, Grief and Bereavement – National Cancer Institute www.ncipoet.com/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/bereavement/Patient/page9
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American Widow Project - http://americanwidowproject.org/index.php?link=1 - The American Widow Project is a non-profit organization dedicated to the new generation of those who have lost the heroes of yesterday, today and tomorrow, with an emphasis on healing through sharing stories, tears and laughter………Military Widow to Military Widow
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Garden of Innocence National – Dignified burial for abandoned children http://www.gardenofinnocence.org/keegansstory.html
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Neil Chethik - http://www.neilchethik.com/fatherloss.htm - Author “Father Loss, How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Death of their Dads.”

Guest Blogger at "Love is an Exploding Cigar" on Self-Publishing

2009-01-27T10:46:00.005-05:00

Samantha Hunter, published author of Blaze romances, has a blog at http://www.loveisanexplodingcigar.com/"> and she has graciously invited me to be a guest blogger on the topic of self publishing, Thursday, January 29. I will be giving away two copies of my book, A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss, so stop by and say hello.

Last Call for Blog Tour - Grief and Loss Sites

2009-01-26T10:33:00.003-05:00

Please contact me if you have a grief related book, site, blog, etc. I will include your information when I post the blog tour this week.

Swing Dancing Weekend

2009-01-21T21:59:00.003-05:00

I had a wonderful weekend in the northeast when I attended an all weekend swing dance flurry. It was great fun and since I volunteered at the event I met some wonderful people. There were all ages from college students and up. Dances with live bands Friday and Saturday, and dance workshops Saturday and Sunday. By Sunday evening I was more than ready to call it quits. I learned the Charleston, shim sham and the Swing Out. Plus, all kind of new moves on the East Coast Swing. I had taken lessons for several months last year and this month began regular swing dance lessons again.

It's a great social event and I love watching to see what the dancers can do with swing!

Book Contest Winners

2009-01-10T10:02:00.002-05:00

Congratulations to the 2 contest winners Jan K. and Christina L. K.

Each will get a copy of "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss".

For our next contest, please send an email to media (@) onwingspress (dot) com with ENTER ME in the subject line.

Blog Tour on Grief, Loss, Bereavement Related Information - Participants Needed

2009-01-06T10:39:00.005-05:00

To create as much exposure as possible to the death, dying and bereavement topic, I will be doing a blog tour at the end of January. I am gathering information on any and all books/websites, blogs, information related to Loss, grief, bereavement, thanatology, death and dying, widows, widowers, bereaved parents, brothers, sister, etc. Anyone interested in being included can email me at
onwingspress@ yahoo.com with your URL, short blurb of book or website. If you're not sure if your topic fits, ask me.

I post to approximately 15 different blogs/sites/ groups related to this
topic, including my own websites and blog sites. Currently, my blog is googled within approximately 6 hours of my posts -- I've been tracking this with
google keywords for six months.

All I ask is that you post the same on your site on the same day -- and I will send you the post already formatted.

Depending on response, I will be doing this about the last week of
January.

I also plan to include grief and bereavement related sites that I have
been in contact with. So pass this along to anyone who fits into this topic.

Elaine Williams

Widowslist.com - Widow Support

2009-01-02T23:56:00.003-05:00

I ran across a helpful site for widows. It's called WidowsList and it's located at http://www.widowslist.com/">

The site was begun by Sandra Pesmen and the Mission statement is as follows:
"Our community aims to provide a platform where "Women in the Widow 'hood" have a voice; and where they can discuss their unique challenges, conflicts, solutions and joys; families, friends, jobs and leisure time. The "Widows' Lists" offer practical and tested places where widows have found answers and trustworthy service providers."

Widowslist has a chat/blog with helpful articles and information, such as "Beware After-Funeral 'Predators'", and "How Do You Handle Those Anniversary Reactions?"

Also, there's helpful information in regards to topics such as:
Financial
Physical Health
Mental Health
Real Estate
Home and Garden
Travel
Romance
Beauty
Events

Anywhere But Here Blog - Near Homelessness

2009-01-02T23:38:00.003-05:00

In these tough economic times, sometimes we lose sight of all that we do have, and how fortunate many of us are in this life. Just surf on over to 16 year old Katy's blog, "Anywhere but Here - Near Homelessness" at http://destinationanywherebuthere.blogspot.com/">

Dealing with New Loss or Grief During the Holidays

2008-12-31T11:03:00.002-05:00

I recall very well the first holidays, anniversaries and birthdays alone as a widow. Sometimes you want to be with others and other times you will want to be alone. It's important not to isolate yourself, but do be kind to yourself during these stressful moments. If you need to cry, do so. If you need support, ask for it. True friends and family that love you will be there to lend support. Sometimes we're afraid to ask for that support, but on the other side, sometimes those friends aren't sure what to do for you, even if it's just listening while you talk or sitting quietly with you for support.

Sorting Through the Old Loss to Welcome the New Year

2008-12-28T12:08:00.011-05:00

This is one of my more heavier posts in many months. But ultimately, it is a timely post as we get ready to welcome a new year. I always love the advance of a new year. There are so many possibilities ahead, so many avenues and opportunities for life in all of us.

For the last several months I have been working with life coach Janet Greene of Greene's Release, through some issues that had lain dormant, unbeknownst to me, in the last five or six years. I guess some of the upwelling of emotional dramas I had been feeling this month were undealt with shocks and memories from the past. Certain events seems to bring these emotional dramas close to the surface; resulting in a feeling of being stuck in place, annoyance, resignation and even a sense of apathy and regression.

I received a small gift in the mail at the beginning of December from a well meaning person. The gift set off this chain of thoughts and unexpected feelings, stirring memories that had remained buried for many years. There's a book out called Feelings Buried Alive Never Die and without having read that book, that would be the gist of this post today. Sometimes we feel the need to bury feelings so we can go on living day-to-day. We're not always aware we've buried them. At times it feels like the easist thing we can do for ourselves is ignore pain that rips at us, just let it be and hope it will go away with time.

Well, this is five years down the road and it just so happens this month some of that buried emotion started to unbury itself and I felt like I was literally being swamped all over again, in grief. I didn't understand what was happening and I didn't want to even look at what was causing the problem -- but I had to. So I made the decision to address what the heck was going on. I felt I had come so far in my life on my life after loss journey, and yet December I learned I hadn't sorted through everything in regards to this loss.

My friend of 18 years passed away at 53 years of age the week before Christmas. Since I'd known she was sick with cancer in February of this year, I had a heavy feeling for the outcome. I wondered did I have that feeling because my husband had died from cancer also? She had endometrial cancer and it was quite advanced. The doctors gave her a variety of mixed outcomes, but in my mind I felt it was the end.

I supported her as best I could, but all the time I was peddling toward what I feared was the inevitable outcome of this disease for her. She did everything the doctors suggested, the treatments they set up for her, beginning in March. They operated, they did the chemo and the protocols. My friend grew progressively weaker. One of the many times I went to see her in the hospital -- I thought I was in the wrong room. I didn't recognize her. I am glad she was asleep and didn't know of my instinctive move to back out of the room.

She remained cheerful and upbeat, even though she said to me several times she didn't think she was going to make it. Immediately after the chemo treatments, which went on for months, the doctors said she was in remission. This did not make sense to me, given her weak, debilitated state. My friend wondered about that also, but continued to trust in her doctor's care. What else could she do? She refused to have hospice, she said to her it was like giving up. I explained that my husband had been on hospice for pain control for seven months, and if they wanted to help her, let them have someone with her during the day to help her. It was a difficult situation for her, from my perspective. She was proud, independent and had always been very self-sufficient, raising 5 kids on her own. Now, she was dependent on others for her care and it remained difficult for her to accept that care, even to the point where at times I could see she pushed her family away.

In the end, her family and friends were with her in the hospital when she died. I was there the last hour also. I had driven that night, making the 3 hour round trip. I was going to wait until the next day but something inside urged me to go that night. I arrived to find her comatose, hooked up to a respirator. I could see it was pumping the oxygen into her. The only time she responded was when her son told her he was going to bring her dog in to see her. My friend had always had an incredible rapport with and love of her animals. This is the only time I saw her open her eyes when they mentioned her dog. I said my goodbye to her and told her I would miss her, and then knowing they were going to remove the life support, I left. She died as I was half way home, I later found out. I went to her funeral and it was a nice service with people getting up and speaking of my friend in honest and thoughtful ways. As I sat there the hot tears came to my eyes went down my cheeks. I pondered the loss and said the final goodbye, knowing she was somewhere in that church.

That same week my neighbor's pregnant daughter lost her baby in childbirth. They did everything they could to save the baby boy, but his organs were failing and he had been deprived of oxygen and nutrients inutero. It was incredibly sad to think of this young couple, the week before glowing with anticipatory happiness of the impending birth. I felt sad for my neighbors, the grandparents, because they too had lost a child many years before at birth. I sometimes wonder how this all works out in each of our lives -- the ripple effects it has on each of us, not only immediately but many years later. The sadness of loss is so very real and deep. But it gets deeper when we bury it within ourselves. It comes out in various ways through the years in actions and emotions -- and we're not always aware of the source of these emotions. When the emotional shock isn't dealt with, it festers beneath the surface, an unscabbed, unhealed wound.

The little gift I received triggered something within me this month, followed by the two deaths one upon each other. The gift was a keepsake ornament given to me by someone who had a good heart but mistakenly
thought this would be of comfort to me. It was meant to hang on a tree or in your house and you insert a picture of your loved one and it says "Remember me".

I felt this gift was out of place in my life, after five years. I had moved my life forward, the emotions looked at and dissected fully, and to have this ornament show up now stirred up the remnants of tears and emotions as yet undealt with.

I will donate the gift to someone newly bereaved, because it is not something that I need any longer. I have a small area in my house where there are pictures of my husband, myself and my kids. The loss no longer hurts but is a gentle remembrance of a life that has changed and evolved to who we are as individuals and as a family today.

I am through this month being bogged down with vague feelings of depression and fear, facing the tears inside that I've left uncried, the feelings that I've let go unacknowledged. Feeling these buried emotions, letting them speak fully to me, is a gift to myself for a new year of new beginnings. I am free of the chains of my emotional enslavement. The fears which held me are dissolved and blown away.

Janet Greene is a Life Coach who developed the Greene's Release method. You can learn to release what's holding you back from being truly happy and successful and living your true potential. She can be found at http://www.greenesrelease.com">

"A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" available in ebook

2008-12-17T14:42:00.004-05:00

I am up and running! "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" is available in ebook format. You can order it from my website http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com/order.html"> or a link on this blog, to the right. $8.95 for an instant download with artwork. Thanks for asking!

DeStressing the Holidays

2008-12-15T21:08:00.004-05:00

The holiday seems full of stress, and perhaps we set ourselves up for this stress. Does everything have to be perfect, from our homes to our decorations, to the holiday baking that has to be just so? Can we cut ourselves some slack? Right now a good friend of mine teeters on the brink of dying. I've known since March that this day would come. Also, the newborn infant of a young couple I know passed away this week, living barely an hour. I know a man who lost his wife quite recently, so he's suffering the loss of a spouse through this holiday season, a time when many of us may take our family and loved ones for granted. You always think they're going to be there, but I know from my own experience life can change in the blink of an eye. Hug them, love them, be there for them. Let them know you care.

When death comes close and enters your realm, hopefully you can really see what's important in life. And guess what, it's not about the little stuff like the lopsided tree or the latest toy that you think your child has to have. Perhaps we simply must define in our hearts what the true meaning of these holidays is to each of us. It may be something as simple as enjoying your family and seeing what they really mean to you. Forget the presents, forget the running around crazy for the perfect gift. The love and appreciation for life starts inside each of us. I hope never to lose sight of that truth. I learned it the hard way, and I would not wish that lesson on anyone.

Articles on Grief

2008-12-11T22:22:00.003-05:00

I have been working the last several weeks on new articles related to the grief process. This is a fairly new process for me, and these articles are based on the use of Greene's Release, a means of healing trauma. I'm compiling information and will be posting more on the subject in the coming weeks and months.

What if you found out there was a way to heal grief, really heal it, instead of letting time and distance bury it further from your thoughts and mind? Would you be interested in taking that route? I'm exploring this alternative right now.

Beyond 50 Radio Interview

2008-12-11T22:14:00.002-05:00

On December 5th I was interviewed again by Daniel Davis of Beyond 50 Radio, for their Beyond 50's "Widowhood" talks. The interview is approximately 36 minutes.

http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=16144&cmd=tc">

Interview Now Live - Harmony In and Out with Linda Binns

2008-12-02T21:03:00.001-05:00

Linda Binns of Harmony In and Out was a wonderful radio host. The interview is now live. May take a moment to load.

http://instantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=5184363">

Radio Interview by Linda Binns, Harmony In and Out

2008-12-01T18:36:00.003-05:00

I will be interviewed tomorrow, Tuesday, by Linda Binns of Harmony In and Out. Turning Crisis into Opportunity.

EVENT: Elaine Williams Interview
DATE & TIME: Tuesday, December 2nd at 8:00pm Eastern Time
FORMAT: Simulcast! (Attend via Phone or Webcast -- it's your choice)
TO ATTEND THIS EVENT, CLICK THIS LINK NOW...
http://instantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=5184363">

http://www.harmonyinandout.com">

Sometimes You Need to Cry

2008-12-01T10:48:00.001-05:00

Sometimes You Need to Cry
Elaine Williams ©2008

I recall a period in time, at about 18 months after my husband passed away, that I felt pretty good about myself. I had handled what life had thrown me and come out battered, but mostly okay on the other side. After caretaking my husband for almost a year, I was battling some minor health problems of my own, related mostly to stress, but most days I was certain my life was on track. Steady and focused, my three boys were also adjusting and it seemed we all had a grip on reality.

On this day, I was on my way to an appointment with my holistic doctor when the radio began playing a song I had never heard before. The singer’s words stirred something inside me. The song spoke of loving someone through the years, and even with that person gone, the threads of memory remained.

The words reverberated through me, and I experienced almost a kind of shock as their meaning sank in. Out of nowhere, I began to cry so hard I had to pull off the road. I had no control over the rush of anguished emotion. All my hard won calm fled, chopped off at the knees as I hugged the steering wheel of my car.

I cried as if a great well had opened inside and pulled my guts out. When I finally began to calm and the tears subsided, I had to wonder where this emotional outburst had come from. How could a song open a wound of such profound loss?

I arrived at my doctor’s office, and as usual with holistic doctors, they not only want to know about you physically, but they dig deeper into the emotional aspects of your life. I hesitated only briefly before telling him what had occurred on the way to his office. I felt embarrassed by my earlier semi-breakdown. I tried to explain that I’d been feeling good, and then to suddenly have this upheaval had thrown me for a loop.

He explained it was to be expected there would be days where emotion could still catch me by surprise. With the loss still relatively fresh in my life, how could I expect to be 100%? I admitted to him that I’d been feeling excruciatingly lonely, but I thought I was handling it. Some days my idea of “handling” it meant ignoring or burying my feelings. Always a very private person, I hadn’t shared much of my thoughts with anyone. When friends asked how I was doing, I would usually say I was okay. Inside, I kept thinking, who wants to hear that I just want to get through another day?

I felt much better after speaking with him. Not only was he a sympathetic ear, it felt good to open up and share my worries about being alone, my concern for the kids’ welfare and fears that I wasn’t handling my finances to my best advantage.

We talked extensively about the triggers that stirred my own private misery. Something as straightforward as a song, or as complex as past memories, seemed to have the power to entrench me in great emotion. He made me realize there would be times I merely needed to cry as part of grief’s healing process. There was nothing complicated about it. Each time we are brave enough to reach down and allow our true emotions out, it brings a little more healing into our lives. As time passes, and we remain true to ourselves, a new sense of empowerment emerges.

November Book Contest Winners!

2008-11-24T18:40:00.003-05:00

Diana D. and Nancy C. have each won a copy of "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" in the November book contest giveaway.

If you'd like to enter for the December contest, please send an email with ENTER ME in the subject line, to media@onwingspress.com.

Some Great Books in These Times of Need

2008-11-14T10:28:00.000-05:00

Below is a list of some wonderful books and resources in these times of economic and emotional turmoil.

A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss by Elaine Williams
http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com
A Widow's journey through loss, grief and renewal
Midwest Book Review - 5 Stars

Book: Money and Manifesting by Dyan Garris. Why the Law of Attraction is not enough to manifest and exactly what to do about it. Learn to manifest in a multi-dimensional, integrative way. www.voiceoftheangels.com
mail@voiceoftheangels.com

Diagnosis: Lupus, The Intimate Journal of a Lupus Patient
When she was suddenly assaulted by myriad baffling symptoms of joint pain and extreme fatigue, the author embarked on an intensive search for diagnosis and treatment of what would be diagnosed as systemic lupus erythematosus, a little-known autoimmune disease that promised to destroy her body, her mind and her spirit. From the pages of her intimate daily journal, we travel with her through chronic joint pain, frustration, anger and grief for her former self to her current state of remission. Far from being a litany of complaints, the author’s pages reveal her unexpected spiritual growth and gratitude for life itself, and she hopes she can be of help to others who suffer from this disease or other chronic illness.
Contact: marilyncmorris@ sbcglobal. net

Invisible Blueprints -- Intuitive Insights for Fulfillment in Life by Diane Brandon – 5-Star Rating on Amazon.com

Invisible Blueprints encapsulates information Diane Brandon has gained through her integrative intuitive counseling work with clients and covers such topics as personal growth and unfolding, essence, relationship types, soul agreements, purpose and mission, reincarnation, spectrum of consciousness, manifesting, and even how readings are evolving from "fortune-telling" to counseling and personal facilitation.
Available on Amazon.com and www.dianebrandon. net/products. asp.
Contact: diane@dianebrandon. com

Law of Achievement; Discover Your Purpose, Possibility and Potential
Law of Achievement offers a rare look into what it really means to discover your purpose, possibility and potential. Kathleen and Lori dare to reveal uncommon and rarely explored philosophies in this unique book.
Message of Hope; Inspiriational Thoughts for Uncertain Times
Message of Hope offers invaluable, inspirational, highly recommended perspectives for dealing with life's uncertainties, especially those arising from change, loss, death, and fear. Each single page observation is worth of contemplation and reflection.
Kathleen Gage
The Street Smarts Marketer
P.O. Box 551
Pleasant Hill, OR 97455
541.654.0426
http://www.kathleengage.com
http://www.themarketingmindset.com (blog)
http://www.dailyawareness.com (spiritual blog)

How to Heal from Psychic Attack the Problem Solvers Alphabet by Nita Hickok ISBN 1411688708
The Problem Solvers Alphabet uses symbols to cleanse, clear and resolve problems in the persons life to empower them in all of their decisions. Nita http://www.lulu. com/astralhealer

Bringing to Beneficial Law of Attraction: The Manifestation Teachings her extensive studies in ancient and contemporary wisdom and philosophy, Ms Bradford has acquired more then a quarter of a century expertise in Clinical and Transpersonal hypnosis. In spite of her extensive professional credentials, she could never have imagined the singular psychic event that would transform her life. Commencing in the winter of 2004, a hypnosis client, Lena Lees spontaneously channeled twenty-eight sessions delineating Eastern goddess of Compassion, Kuan Yin's modern spiritual scriptures. Witness and transcriber of these sessions, Ms. Bradford then compiled them into the extraordinary manuscript, The Living Word of Kuan Yin: The Teachings and Prophecies of the Goddess of Compassion and Mercy. Distilling from that work, the essence of the goddess teachings, Ms. Bradford now brings to you the highlights of Kuan Yin's world-renowned compassion along with the next generation of manifestation sciences.
The Living Word of Kuan Yin <"http://www.amazon.com/Living-Word-Kuan-Yin/dp/1419646400">Click here to go to the webpage.

Beneficial Law of Attraction: The Manifestation Teachings: www.lawofattractioninfo.

Storm
by: Joyce A. Anthony
"Who he is and why he's here is a mystery, even to Storm--a mystery that can only be solved within the whirling rainbow. As he searches for answers, he touches the lives of society's forgotten and when he finds his identity, nobody is left untouched."
http://www.storm.2freedom.com/

A Book Inside, How to Write, Publish, and Sell Your Story available through http://www.BooksByDenbow.Weebly.com Learn to write a book, what publishing options you have, and how to market for success!
Boosting Your Baby’s Brain Power
Boosting Your Baby’s Brain Power offers practical and fun ways for parents to develop and nurture maximum brain power from the womb to baby’s first birthday!

Oh, Baby! 7 Ways a Baby Will Change Your Life the First Year
With its realistic portrayal of the many ways that life is changed after the baby is born, Oh, Baby offers practical advice and sensitive know-how to help you survive -- and even thrive! -- in the first year.

It’s Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence
In It’s Twins, parents of multiples tackle the important questions on raising twins of any age with plenty of tips, tales, tricks-of-the-trade, trivia and more.
Boosting Your Baby’s Brain Power
http://tinyurl.com/5u3twx
Oh, Baby! 7 Ways a Baby Will Change Your Life the First Year
http://tinyurl.com/57bzqw
It’s Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence
http://tinyurl.com/6fkr8n

MAY I SEE YOUR HAND? Palm Reading for Fun and Profit
A How-To book for Asian Palmistry
All the information everyone needs to go forward with anmate or to learn how to find theirs.
Also 46 short stories from soul mate palm reading clients.

SOUL MATE CONNECTIONS
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Relationships, Love, Romance and Soul Mates
The title/sub title give away the whole story of this book.

DIARY OF A PALM READER
Palm Reading Sessions from 1956 to 2003

Myrna Lou Goldbaum
Palmist/Psychic/ Author
www.myrnaloupalmist ry.com
www.soulmateconneci tons.blogspot. com
Myrna Lou Goldbaum
PO Box 19081
Boulder CO 80308

Healing the Shadow
An in-depth look into the human shadow, how it affects us and how to heal it.
Truth
A book for the advanced spiritual seeker providing a host of helpful techniques and insights.
Journey to Enlightenment
A contemporary view into the transformational process called life.
Ross Bishop
Shaman
201 Jefferson Drive, Palmyra, VA 22963-2325
(434) 589-3902

web site: www.rossbishop.com
blog: http://rossbishop.com/blog/

OWEN FIDDLER (Sing along to the tune of the Beatles' "Nowhere Man")
Has a selfish point of view, why he's such a fool, no clue. Isn't he a bit like me and you?
Owen, man, please listen. You don't know what you're missing. Owen, man, your world is at your command!
He's no role model for you or your kids, but reading his story will learn ya a thing or two, and that's a fact. This is an entertaining, thought-provoking, humorous and spiritually insightful book which will surely have you thinking about your own life. Hey you – yeah, you! Do you like to dance? Don’t forget to pay the fiddler!
www.owenfiddler.com

Title/Author: "Meet Your True Self through Meditation" by Swami Shyam

Description: A view of the Self through the eyes of the enlightened being.
Reading this book transforms one's consciousness into the state of
meditation and knowledge of the Self as the free Space. Written in an
engaging and intimate style, the text explains what to expect from
meditation with a gentle explanation of the practice, and includes
anecdotes; a clear description of the meaning of the super state of
consciousness; references to the Bhagavad Gita; and the technique of
meditation that anyone can follow.

Available at: http://www.shyamswisdom.com/books/

Juliana by Adelle Laudan
Juliana's healing journey after an abusive marriage.
http://adellelaudan.com
BUY link
http://www.forbiddenpublications.com/book_pages/juliana.html

Title: In Silence, Discovering Self through Meditation
By Jane Rosalea Booth
e-mail: janerosaleabooth@yahoo.com
www.in-silence.net
blog: http://www.janebooth.wordpress.com
ISBN: 978-1-4251-2004-7
To order: http://www.trafford.com/07-0804 or http://www.in-
silence.net
A simple daily approach to meditation, ancient wisdom and inner
peace, In Silence, Discovering Self through Meditation is a guide
for exploring our inner sanctuary and reminds us to live each moment
from the natural, peaceful place where we are closest to God.

Once Upon a Time There Was You: Three Magic Secrets to Finding Your Real Self
More than just another self-help book to discover new ways to find yourself but rather a journey to the center of yourself and back out again that gives you the key to YOU and also helps you to fit it into the lock and turn it.
Contact: 310-264-5625; maia@allaboutlifecoaching.com or http://allaboutlifecoaching.com/book-by-a-life-coach

"Core of Your Business"
one line description: An empowering workbook to help you get in touch
with the core of your business. Exercises for listening and
strengthening your small business.
contact: http://www.coreofyo urbusiness. com
Kaya Singer kaya@awakeningbusin ess.com 503-493-1199

Debra Oakland
Living In Courage Online
http://www.livingincourageonline.com

A Spiritual Oasis for Overcoming Life's
Biggest Challenges
The Voice of the Muse: Answering the Call to WriteA dynamic blend of inspiration and instruction for anyone in any genre seeking to write more effortlessly, flowingly and engagingly. http://calltowrite.com

The MoonQuest: A True Fantasy-The critically acclaimed, award-winning visionary novel that will change your life.http://themoonquest.com
Beyond the Fifth Gate (Fantasy)Paperback: 244 pages . Publisher: ePress-online (September 18, 2008) ISBN-10: 1934258245 , ISBN-13: 978-1934258248,Amazon Link: http://tiny.cc/9OGbN ,Fictionwise Link: http://tiny.cc/W7B4w
Five planets visibly align in the dawn sky marking the long-awaited Kamali's Cycle. Based on ancient prophecies, Elita's faith carries her to the first portal where she is faced with a choice; the risk of never seeing her home again. Upon entering the first gate, there's no turning back. Her faith quest thrusts her into a one-way race against time, before the planets move out of alignment and the gates close for another 50 years. Follow Elita on this life transforming mission to free her home world.
Windwalker (Fantasy),Paperback: 220 pages ,Publisher: epress-online (September 14, 2007) ,ISBN-10: 0977222489 ,ISBN-13: 978-0977222483,Amazon Link: http://tiny.cc/F8MKt ,Fictionwsie Link: http://tiny.cc/bPKBR
The peace-loving Stygian people trust in their ancient prophecies predicting the coming of the Arich-their savior. Paranoia and fear prompt the issuance of royal Jonnick decrees designed to thwart his coming. Midwives ordered to report the birth of any child born on a moonless night know it means death to the child. Effects of the law trickle to the present where Manelin, a social outcast, and Jalil, a lame Jonnick girl ordered to be killed at birth find themselves thrust into the midst of unfolding prophecies and a world on the verge of annihilation. www.theinkslinger.net
Bartlett’s Rule: A novel about love, patience & hope.http://shop.vanillaheartbooksandauthors.com/product.sc?categoryId=3&productId=3
Reach the author at: ChelleCordero@gmail.com

POLARIZING YOUR LIFE TOWARD PERFECTION, Philip F. Harris. Alter your life and you reality and learn how to use The Law of Attraction! http://www.amazon.com/Polarizing-Your-Life-Toward-Perfection/dp/1594316619/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1226238085&sr=1-1
COLLECTED MESSAGES: GUIDES FOR PERSONAL TRANSFORMATIOM, BOOK I AND II, Philip F. Harris. Discover tools for better health, relations, abundance, awakening and more.
JESUS TAUGHT IT, TOO: THE EARLY ROOTS OF THE LAW OF ATTRACTION, Philip F. Harris. In the top 2% of all books at Amazon since October 2007. 2nd edition now available from ALL THINGS THAT MATTER PRESS
All available from http://allthingsthatmatterpress.com and AMAZON.COM (JUST TYPE IN THE TITLE UNDER BOOKS)

CD’S, MP3’S

"Eight and Beyond." Title track from "Eight" CD by Dyan Garris. Part of the Spiritual Toolbox(TM),This CD is 12 tracks of music for ascension and is #8 in the now complete series of music and meditation for Automatic Chakra Balance(TM), relaxation, help in sleeping, and vibrational attunement of mind, body, and spirit.

"Elements of Grace." An MP3 from the recently released "Eight" CD by Dyan Garris. Part of the Spiritual Toolbox(TM),This CD is 12 tracks of music for ascension and is #8 in the now complete series of music and meditation for Automatic Chakra Balance(TM), relaxation, help in sleeping, and vibrational attunement of mind, body, and spirit.

DVD's by Gurutej go to www.gurutej.com to purchase
1. Awakening the Intuition for Women: Our Intuition is our link to the source of all creativity. Loosing this gift is one of our biggest losses, it is losing the inner voice of our soul.
2.Mental Clarity; Would you like to be more clear, alert and present in the moment? If yes, this is you new best friend.
3.Strengthening the Immune System: Stress compromises our immune system and today we all need help to uncompromising it.
This is the support for your immune system that is always available to you.
4. Kundalini Yoga for Balanced Chakras: Your energy centers are crucial to every part of your life. This will help you have a balanced life. Try it.

Blessings
Gurutej
www.theenergygurus.com
www.gurutej.com

"A Journey Within Meditation -- Introductory Guided Meditation" by Diane Brandon

An introductory Guided Meditation recorded by Diane Brandon, Integrative Intuitive Counselor, Radio Host, & Author. This meditation, almost one hour in length, allows you to experience meditation by going to a deeper level of consciousness, as well as to find your own answers within and achieve deep relaxation and relief from stress. Diane's voice is soothing and expert, as well as adept in guiding people into deeper levels of consciousness. Available as MP3 file or CD. For more information or to order, go to either www.dianebrandon.net/products.asp or www.dianebrandon.com/index_files/page0176.htm. Contact Diane at diane@dianebrandon.com

Healing Methods – CD
Advanced healing methods for the spiritual seeker.
www.rossbishop.com
The Shamanic Journey – CD
The ancient shamanic journey process explained.

Making Claims on Military Life Insurance

2008-11-10T09:33:00.003-05:00

Below is a link to a blog written by "L.A. Sosnowski, a veteran of the behind-the-scenes insurance field, whose goal is to help consumers buy smarter and get their money's worth."

L.A. Sosnowski writes: "In honor of Veterans Day this year, I want to help the families of military veterans get their proper benefit checks for life insurance policies held by service persons. IF you have kept up your military group life insurance policy during service (if still in uniform) or after discharge, you (or rather your beneficiaries) should be able to get the VA to accept your claim. Just read this article and go to the link given below to find the claim form."

Go to the link below for full information.

http://insuranceconsumeradvisor.blogspot.com/2008/11/in-honor-of-upcoming-veterans-day-how.html">

Widowed or Divorced -- Alone During the Holidays

2008-11-04T12:23:00.000-05:00

Widowed or Divorced -- Alone During the Holidays
Elaine Williams ©2008
I understand the pain of being left alone during the holiday season, and the pain is especially acute for a new widow.

For many people, holidays center around family and celebrations, and this time of year can be one of the most difficult times to get through. After the loss of your partner there’s nothing quite as painful as that emptiness, whether it’s a holiday once shared, or an anniversary or birthday.

Even if the loss is due to divorce, it is still a major life change, subject to emotions of loss, anger or perhaps feelings of abandonment. Through the holidays these emotions may surface and be experienced more strongly than other times of the year.

Some may argue that death of a spouse is out of your control and therefore worse than divorce. If the partner you love has divorced you, your choice has been taken away -- similar to losing someone to death. There’s also the added complication of perhaps feeling as if you've been thrown away, an understandably devastating experience. I have experienced both divorce and death, and the aftermath in each instance is neither pretty nor painless.

Does losing a partner in death hurt more than divorce? Losing someone you love, regardless of how that occurs, is a permanent wound on the heart. During holidays and special times, try not to totally isolate yourself, thereby adding to moments of stress or alienation. Allow family and friends to help you get through difficult times, even if it’s something as simple as picking up your children from school or helping you shop for groceries. You can still be alone with your thoughts to sort through your grief, but it doesn’t hurt to allow others to help absorb some of the heartache during this time of year.

Those who really care for you will be glad to assist you on your journey, so be open to accepting help from time to time.

November Book Contest Winner

2008-11-03T17:59:00.001-05:00

November book contest winner is Melissa S. Congratulations. Anyone wishing to enter the December contest, please send an email to media@onwingspress.com with ENTER ME in the subject line.

Depression and Loss

2008-10-29T11:53:00.003-04:00

There seems to be a lot of notice being given to depression on the internet, some of them through different professional articles. I would caution that feeling 'depressed' due to loss of a loved one, is different from other forms of depression. For some, getting through the grief process can take time. It is a process unique to each individual and not to be rushed. However, having said that, there is nothing wrong with getting help to get through the rough spots in life. Sometimes we need a little something more than what we can do for ourselves. Sometimes all we need is an ear or a shoulder, so don't be afraid to seek professional help, if life is getting you down.

I've also been exploring other healing methods, and I'm currently working with Janet Greene of Greene's Release at http://www.greenesrelease.com/"> to explore her method of healing ourselves and finding the real you. It involves methods to heal through traumas and loss that have occurred in each of our lives. Stay tuned.

Interview Wednesday with Melanie Anderson

2008-10-28T20:15:00.004-04:00

Melanie Anderson, romance writer, is interviewing me at her blog tomorrow. Melly's tongue in cheek humor is sure to be a hoot.
http://authormelanieanderson.blogspot.com/">

The Sea at Dusk

2008-10-28T16:33:00.000-04:00

Another lovely day by the Sea

2008-10-28T16:24:00.003-04:00

I usually take a short vacation after working all summer in the heat. It's the best time of year, the Fall, as far as I'm concerned, to be by the sea. I love the sounds, smells and charm of the ocean. It just pulls me back every time. This year I got together with two writing friends I met by the sea last year, but a little further south. We decided to hang out for a week at this quaint little home on the ocean, so close to the waves the first night it was a bit intimidating to see them crashing just below my balcony. Oh, but to fall asleep each night with the sound of the ocean, there's nothing like it.

I spoke with my kids today and apparently there was 8" of snow with another foot or so expected before tomorrow. Brr. It's early for that, not even Halloween. So I sit here typing and writing and looking out my balcony at the cloud studded sky, and I'm thankful for what and who I have in my life. It's absolutely perfect.

November Author of the Month at Women and Hope

2008-10-26T16:57:00.004-04:00

I just received the wonderful news that I will be November's Author of the Month at the Women and Hope Website http://www.WomenandHope.com/hope/author.html">.

"Women & HOPE is all about women coming together from all over the world with a selfless spirit to support one another in achieving their goals so that every woman is successful in every aspect of her life and is living her best life." Women and Hope Founder, Dr. Deitra C. Payne Ph.D.

Help For Widows Who Suffer Alone During The Holiday Season

2008-10-26T16:40:00.004-04:00

Press Release
2008-10-25 15:27:27 -

Award winning author and contributing writer Elaine Williams understands the pain of being left alone during the holiday season. Her book, A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss, offers a message of hope that is particularly needed by many left alone during this time of year.

'For most people,' stated Ms. Williams, 'holidays center around family and celebrations. For widows, especially new widows, this time of year is one of the hardest times to get through. After the loss of your partner there is nothing quite as painful as feeling alone during these special times.'

According to the U.S Census Bureau, there are approximately 700,000 new widows every year. Widows and widowers are not the only ones who suffer during this time of year. Surveys and studies also illustrate that a staggering 10% of all marriages end in divorce. The emotional problems that affect those experiencing widowhood or divorce can be overwhelming. These feelings are exacerbated during the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's seasons.

32% of women aged 55 and older live alone, according to the 2000 U.S. Census. A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss addresses the important issues involving loss created through death or divorce and offers real hope to those left alone and those left behind.

'I personally don't see much difference in dating after loss or following a divorce,' stated Ms. Williams, 'as both occurrences involve a major life change, subject to emotions of loss and anger or perhaps betrayal and abandonment. At no time do these feelings surface more strongly than during the holiday season. Some who have lost a spouse may argue that death is worse, being final and out of your control -- while divorce is a choice. I disagree. If the spouse you love has divorced you, the choice has been taken away from you, similar to losing someone to death. You also have an added complication of perhaps feeling as if you've been thrown away, an understandably devastating experience. I have experienced both divorce and death, and the aftermath in each instance is neither pretty nor painless.'

'Does the death of a partner hurt more than divorce? When you lose the person you love, regardless of how that occurs, it is a permanent wound on the heart. Loss of any kind is never easy. It can be especially difficult during the holidays,' stated Ms. Williams, 'but try not to totally isolate yourself during moments of stress; instead allow family and friends to help you get through difficult times. You can be alone with your thoughts to sort through your grief, but also remember to allow those who care about you to help you on your journey.'

A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss is a finalist in the USA Book News Best Books Awards for 2008. The book has received a 5 star rating from Midwest Book Reviews. Copies of 'A Journey Well Taken - Life After Loss' are available at her website. A portion of the profit from each book is donated to charity. Ms. Williams is available for media interviews by contacting her at the address below.

Contact
Elaine Williams
On Wings Press
Phone: 518-589-6229
Web: http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com">
Email: onwingspress@yahoo.com

2 Winners of A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss and NEW CONTEST November

2008-10-20T23:01:00.003-04:00

October contest winners are Ellen G and Linda B. Thanks for entering. Anyone wishing to enter for the November contest, please send an email to media@onwingspress.com with ENTER ME in the subject line.

Finalist USA Book News - National Best Books 2008 Awards!

2008-10-20T22:29:00.006-04:00

One of my first emails I received this morning was exciting, in that I was notified by USA Book News that my book, "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" had finaled in the Health:Death and Dying category of their National Best Books 2008 Awards. The winning book in the category was awarded to a book by New Horizon Press, Voices of Strength: Sons and Daughters of Suicide Speakout by Judy Zionts Fox, RN.

I was quite excited to find myself honored by such an award. It just proves the book is needed and will end up where it needs to go, and in whose hands it needs to be.

"USABookNews.com is the premier online magazine and review website for mainstream and independent publishing houses. Over 500 winners and finalists were announced in over 140 categories covering print and audio books. Jeff Keen, President and CEO of USABookNews.com, said this year's contest yielded an unprecendented number of entries, which were then narrowed down to over 500 winners and finalists." (www.usabooknews.com)

For information on this award, please visit: http://www.usabooknews.com/bestbooksawards2008.html">

International Women Writer's Guild in NYC

2008-10-20T22:25:00.002-04:00

On Sunday I rode the train into NYC Grand Central Station and went to a writer's conference sponsored by the International Women Writer's Guild. They had agents on hand to meet and talk with about your writing projects. It was a wonderful experience and definitely time well spent. I have several agents who requested more information on my book, A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss.

All in all it was a very enriching experience. It was also the first time I had the opportunity to do a pitch to several agents at once.

Mental Health Radio Interview

2008-10-15T22:50:00.004-04:00

The days have been so warm, almost balmy this last week. It's incredible to think we're into fall already, and winter soon will be upon us.

I've been listening to various blog talk radio shows lately and they've got some really wonderful speakers and topics. Everything from spiritual awareness to book talk. I've been on several shows myself and it's usually a pretty easy format. I have a radio interview coming up tomorrow, Thursday, on Mental Health Radio with Jacqueline Foreman and we'll be talking about "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss." You can listen live at 8 p.m. Eastern Time, Thursday at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/yourmentalhealth">

Book Review, White Feathers by Pamela Jouan

2008-10-07T09:31:00.005-04:00

"White Feathers," by Pamela Jouan is an eloquent, moving tribute to her parents. As a widow, I know from personal experience there is no measure for grief when a spouse dies. I identify fully with the emotional turmoil you describe following this devastating loss, and also the chance to find joy in life again." Elaine Williams, author "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss."

The author, Pamela Jouan writes, "I wrote a book for my mother last year that I just self-published. It was originally a gift to her for what would have been her 40th wedding anniversary on that Easter Sunday. I have since published it with all proceeds benefiting cancer research. My father passed away from cancer 3 years ago this September...I have been getting tremendous response from widows who identify with the story.

White Feathers is the story of what would happen if we were given one more day with someone we had lost. The main characters, a couple called Charles and Ruby, are modeled after my parents—most of the details of their lives are all based in fact, as well as a few extraordinary points. Needless to say, my book weaves faith and hope into a tale about lost love and dealing with that loss.

In an effort to do a little more, I decided to publish my book and contribute all proceeds to cancer research. It is currently available through www.amazon.com for purchase. I created a web site http://www.pamelajouan.com"> that talks more about my book and has a list of questions to base a book club discussion on."

A Change of Pace

2008-10-01T20:18:00.003-04:00

Recently I went to visit my oldest son in Maryland. We had a wonderful time, when the weather finally cooperated we walked around the inner harbor and through festivals and events they had going on throughout the city. It was a great time and nice to catch up with my son. I was a little nervous just before I flew, as I always get that way just before I get on the plane. I don't fly enough to be comfortable with it. My son also drove us to Annapolis and we walked around that historic and very beautiful town. It kind of reminded me of the narrow, one way streets of Marblehead, Mass, a small coastal town I lived in back in 1978.

I am going on a writing retreat next month to a lovely beach house in North Carolina. I am very excited about that. I'm meeting two friends there that I met last year at another writer's retreat in South Carolina. Kim is flying in from Iowa and Anna is driving up from Georgia. It should be so cool. Hopefully, the weather will cooperate and be warm, sunny and no tantrums. I'm working on a new story and intend to get a good head start. I really get a lot of inspiration being by water.

Circle of Seven Radio Interview

2008-09-21T20:58:00.003-04:00

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Circle-Of-Seven/2008/09/20/Readers-Entertainment-Radio-with-guest-Elaine-Williams">

Seeing the Other Side of the Coin

2008-09-21T19:45:00.004-04:00

Today my youngest looked over at me and asked me why I was different than other mothers. Curiously, I asked him in what way. He replied that I come up with some pretty strange and different stuff and he didn't know any other mother who would do that. I laughed and made a freakishly stupid face, almost automatically. He laughed too, and said, "yeah, stuff like that." (Or maybe he meant when he used to get off the bus and we'd run toward each other and belly bump. Or when we walked up the road and he was going on one hundred pounds and I'd offer to carry him on my back. Or maybe it was just me coming into the woods with him and hauling out firewood blocks because I didn't want him in the woods by himself).

Well, I told him, (unconcerned to look silly in front of my kids), it keeps life interesting. He agreed and said it was never boring. Coming from a sixteen year old, that is certainly a compliment. It quite made my day and I thanked him.

Circle of Seven Interview Friday, Sept. 19

2008-09-17T21:39:00.003-04:00

I will be a featured author on Today's Author with Circle of Seven Productions. When I was first thinking about creating a book video to advertise my book A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss, I did an internet search for book videos and trailers and what kept coming up in the searches was the company COS, or Circle of Seven. They are the foremost leader in the book video world, and Sheila English started their service in 2002.

Please drop in, the radio spot is located at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Circle-Of-Seven/> and will be at 8:30 p.m. Eastern Time. I will be interviewed by David Ewen, and I will be giving away two copies of A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss! Come join us.

Beyond Belief Video - September 11 War Widows

2008-09-10T23:15:00.005-04:00

"Beyond Belief," is an award-winning and inspirational documentary film by Beth Murphy, about two 9/11 widows who cope with their grief by forming a cross-cultural foundation to raise money for widows in Afghanistan.

The film was featured on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" last year and is now being released on DVD by Alive Mind at a http://indieclix.com/track/click/QbLwWgqX/184/>

With your help, $3 from each sale of this DVD will go to the organization formed by the two widows, Beyond the 11th at http://indieclix.com/track/click/QbLwWgqX/186/>

REVIEW by Elaine Williams, A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss
http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com/>

"In tragedy, often times it is the strongest who step forward and dare to make a difference.

As 9/11 widows Patti and Susan work through their own grief and loss, they move outside of themselves to highlight the extreme poverty of Afghanistan widows. Their personal journeys are enhanced by their efforts to empower these same women, strangers, half a world away.

This emotionally charged film draws you in from the first moment - it is a beautiful testimonial to the strength and courage of the human spirit."

For a limited time you will receive a 25% discount when you make a donation with your purchase. At checkout, please enter the coupon code 911HOPE25

http://indieclix.com/track/click/QbLwWgqX/186/>

Note: I am not associated with this site, nor have I received any compensation.

Greene's Release - Freedom from Emotional Pain

2008-09-08T13:11:00.009-04:00

I recently ran across an interesting blog by Janet Greene. Janet is the author of "Heal Your Self, A Journey to FIND You" and "Heal Your Heart, A Journey to find your SOULMATE". Also, "The Little Book of Secrets" and "The Road to Integrity." Each book shows the reader how to permanently heal emotions and beliefs that sabotage their life. Janet's technique is called Greene's Release. http://greenesrelease.wordpress.com>

Excerpted from Janet's website;

"The Greene’s Release program will show you how to realize your life potential by showing you the steps to rediscover your innate ability to permanently resolve any issue, and open the door to the extraordinary personal growth that naturally follows each release." end of excerpt.

Janet offered to show me how The Greene's Release technique worked. I was intrigued and found the session deceptively simple and yet so effective in helping one get past hurt and deep pain. As a widow I have worked on getting to the root of issues that have bogged me down, but with Janet's direction, I reached down very deep and came up with information I had not fully expected or even known was blocking me. I dealt with unresolved pain, looking it fully in the face and literally blowing it away. What is left behind is a sense of calm.

If you take a look at Janet's website, you'll see more information on this deceptively simple process. She offers a relatively inexpensive workbook on the Greene's Release method which is available through her site or Amazon.

Book Giveaway Reminder

2008-09-04T23:02:00.001-04:00

I'm giving away two copies each month of A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss. Send an email with ENTER ME in the subject line to media@onwingspress.com

5 Star Review by Midwest Book Review

2008-09-03T22:19:00.003-04:00

5 Stars
A story that the recently widowed will take comfort in reading. September 2, 2008
By Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) -

"To love someone unconditionally for over twenty years and then have them snatched away, this one of the most heartbreaking experiences life can impose upon any of us. "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" is Elaine William's reflections of her life after dealing with the death of her husbands. She deals with widowhood at a relatively young age and dealing with it through her writing, where she has done quite a few works from fiction to non-fiction to screenplays. Deftly written with an engaging sensitivity and candor, "A Journey Well Taken" is a story that the recently widowed will take comfort in reading."

New Review at Menupause.info

2008-09-03T19:56:00.007-04:00

"A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" has a new review at
http://www.menupause.info/archives/777/>.

Below is the beginning of the review by Ellensue Spicer: You can click on the link above to read it in its entirety.

"As a divorcee, I was under the naive impression that women who were widowed didn’t suffer the way divorced women did. After all, the person responsible for some of my pain was still walking around, often causing me more pain. At least, as a widow, there was some closure. But after reading Elaine Williams moving and courageous account of her “life after loss” (subtitle of her book), I revised my thinking completely..."

Thoughts on Being Invisible

2008-08-29T12:17:00.004-04:00

Have you ever had a moment or a day when you felt invisible? The world goes on around you, and yet, you feel of little consequence. Thoughts invade, what if I were to disappear, would anyone care -- would there be any impact on other lives? Yes, I know there would be, but in my five minutes of invisibility today, I wondered. How many others walk around this life feeling invisible and don't get through that feeling in five minutes.

Taking Care of Business

2008-08-21T21:56:00.003-04:00

Due to economics I've been busy thinking of ways to budget and cut costs before winter hits. I know, it's only August, but since it's all up to me, and with the rising prices of fuel, gas, and income changing, etc., I've come up with a few ways to go more carefully into winter. I've wrapped my hot water heater with insulation, and also the pipes. Today I put another 6 inches of insulation through my entire attic. I did it at night, but it was still about 95 degrees up there. There was a lot of satisfaction in taking care of this.

I've also bought a woodstove, they're more efficient than ever before, less emissions also into the atmosphere. I made a deal with my youngest son, who cuts wood and sells it, and I've been helping him split wood. So we're in good shape. There's still a few things that need to be taken care of around the property, specifically the barn roof needs to be nailed down better so it doesn't get lost this winter with the wind. I'm hoping to get away for a week, so we'll see what happens.

Review: Fatherloss, How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Death of Their Dads by Neil Chethik

2008-08-21T21:49:00.004-04:00

"This is an excellent resource if you have boys who have lost their dad. My three boys lost their dad when they were 11, 18 and 19 respectively. It's been difficult knowing what was going on with them at times, emotionally and mentally, since each child reacted differently. Neil's book really helped me shed some light on certain behaviors and reactions, even now more than four years later. He gives many examples based on age groups of what to expect due to father loss, and what may be helpful to ease some of the pain due to that loss, and what a dad can do now for their sons. I really found this book helpful and would recommend it to anyone who has sons. The bottom line is, let your kids know you love them before it's too late."

Comparing the Death of a Spouse and Divorce

2008-08-19T23:33:00.001-04:00

Can We Compare Death of a Spouse with Divorce?
Elaine Williams ©2008

I’ve been asked if the pain of divorce is comparable to the death of a spouse. Having experienced both scenarios, I can say yes and no.

Is there a difference in the emotional quality of life or the emotional devastation that occurs? Both are equated with feelings of abandonment, pain and emptiness.

Some widows and widowers will argue there is no comparison. Death is not a choice. It is life interrupted. Death leaves us with no options in the final round as compared to divorce. Divorce is a choice not to love the person you were married to – but in my opinion, “not always.” In divorce, there is one leaving and one left behind. Whether divorce or death, both situations involve distressing circumstances, equally divergent set of emotions, running on parallel lines, sometimes intermingling or converging. Neither situation is easy or quick.

From my own experience with divorce, I married young, but after two years the relationship became suffocating. I sought counseling, but nothing seemed to lift me from my despair. I was torn by the traditional values that were ingrained in me; that marriage is a commitment and sacred trust. The union I’d entered so hopefully and willingly two years before was slowly killing me emotionally and mentally. It came down to survival. I chose to save myself, and after six months of painful indecision, I left.

Even though I chose to leave, I suffered at hurting the person I had once loved, and no doubt I left devastation in my wake. It wasn’t until some 20 plus years later that I actually made contact with my ex-husband. I felt sympathy laced with sadness to learn he was dying. In our small town I had avoided him in the intervening years, and in the last months of his life, I acknowledged his presence, our past, by sending him a get well card that I truly meant. This minor contact let him know I forgave him for the past, and I forgave myself for closing all thoughts of him from my heart and mind. Did it change the decision I made to end our marriage years before, or open the way for any regrets? No.

A few months before he died I dreamed of him. We were both in water, but he was drowning. I pulled him out, got help and resumed what I was doing. He came back a short time later and thanked me for helping him. When I awoke, I realized that all our relationships leave a residue in our lives, imprinting us with their memories. Whether we end a relationship or someone walks away from us, there is pain, a sense of loss, a questioning of ourselves. Could we have been better, smarter, more loving?

We could avoid pain by not loving anyone, close down life and become angry and bitter. We might as well lock ourselves in a dark room and never emerge to experience life’s joy.

Life is filled with incredible loss and devastation after the death of a spouse, but there is an equally big hole when a divorce takes place, on both sides, whether we consciously choose to acknowledge it or not.

Is the pain of divorce and the loss of a spouse on equal footing? They each carry incredible pain and repercussions, abandonment issues that blast a hole in the heart. Why do we even need to compare? Both scenarios involve a death of someone we loved, a loss that is irrevocably seared on our hearts.

Book Contest Winners!

2008-08-15T21:27:00.001-04:00

Kay and Candice have each won a copy of "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss." I will be offering a new contest for 2 individual copies of "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" in September. If you'd like to enter, please send an email to elainewilliams@onwingspress.com with ENTER ME in the subject line.

Book Review: Surviving Ben's Suicide by C.Comfort Shields

2008-08-13T21:22:00.002-04:00

Recently, I was asked to review a book entitled "Surviving Ben's Suicide, A Woman's Journey of Self-Discovery" by C. Comfort Shields. My review follows:

"Surviving loss. Comfort Shields' story about surviving and living again after the suicide of her boyfriend is deeply personal and poignantly honest. Suicide is devastating, leaving loved ones bereft and with unanswered questions. Human life is frail, but as Comfort comes to understand, we are only responsible for our own actions and decisions. As much as we love another, we can only do so much to help them on their life journey, and the final decisions are up to each individual. Her story will reach out and touch many suffering along the same path."

Comfort's writing draws you into the story of her life as a young woman. And her love for Ben, a troubled young man. I am posting an excerpt with permission.

"...And then it hit me that I had been feeling lousy at work because I thought that I deserved it. I thought so because I believed that I was responsible for Ben’s death. But I wasn’t responsible for the choices that Ben made...
This revelation freed something inside of me, and I was able to go to work the following Monday and see myself through the eyes of the people around me. I knew I had made a mistake or two that week and that I would make another the next. I also knew, though, that most of the work I did was pretty good. And I knew that sometimes my boss might feel a little annoyed with me but wouldn’t have asked me to stay in my job if she had not wanted me there. Not only did I like and respect my boss, but she had become my good friend—even though I had not allowed myself to believe that she was my friend. . . .
I began to think about how Ben came to me—how he may have tried Sarah Lawrence as a last resort and how others had turned away from him. I started to feel proud that I had been there to reach out to him. And then I saw clearly that I had taken on a huge responsibility and that I had expected to win. The stakes were high. Life and death. Although Ben had not survived, at least I could say that I tried."

Living Fully

2008-08-10T22:03:00.005-04:00

Life is certainly different after loss, and it's true we don't have a clue how it will turn out. I've changed in so many ways, grown stronger as new experiences have reshaped my life today. I try to remain open to living, and I am at a different place than I ever might have imagined. My life and interests have branched off on a totally different course than if my husband had lived. And at this time, 4 years later, I know life, despite everything, is good for me.

It has become vitally important for me to do the things I enjoy, even start new interests that I've always wanted to try. I've reshaped my life socially, because relationship dynamics change when you're no longer part of a couple. But all in all, I have grown and become empowered through this process. And grief is an ongoing process. It's so important not to shut down or get stuck in anger or bitterness. We can't allow ourselves to spin in place very long and remain stuck looking back at what we had and what might have been. Life is for living and I intend to live my share and perhaps a bit more.

Infant Bereavement and Remembrance Photography

2008-08-06T22:17:00.005-04:00

Recently I came across the website of photographer Cherly Mauldin. Her photography services cover a wide range of subjects, but what I found very interesting were the services she offers regarding infant bereavement and remembrance photography. Cheryl belongs to a nationwide network of affiliated photographers who offer this service to families, called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" at http://nowilaymedowntosleep.org/>.
You can see all the services available as well as contact information for families to get in touch with infant bereavement photographers in their area.

Cheryl's website blog with information and pictures is here. http://www.mauldinphotography.blogspot.com/>

Featured Author on Nourishing Relationships

2008-07-29T23:56:00.004-04:00

I'm a featured author on Nourishing Relationships tomorrow. Hop on over. http://www.nourishingrelationships.blogspot.com>

Unbelievable Clematis July 27, 2008

2008-07-27T10:49:00.002-04:00

Click on this picture to see the full size unequaled beauty of my clematis today.

Win a copy of A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss

2008-07-23T19:52:00.001-04:00

Beginning August 1st, I will be giving away 2 copies of "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss". To enter, simply send me an email with "Enter Me" in the subject line. Your email remains private. Send to elainewilliams@onwingspress.com

Welcome Changes Radio Interview Now Live

2008-07-22T16:47:00.006-04:00

Today I was interviewed on Welcome Changes Radio by Velma Gallant, also known as "The Queen of Joy," a woman of growth, learning and expansion. Velma is an abundance coach who will help you create your life of joy, passion and freedom. Here is a link to listen to the show on July 22, 2008. http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-40777/TS-123897.mp3>

I feel honored to have been interviewed on her show, and some of her past interviews include Neale Donald Walsch, author of the "Conversations with God" series and Mike Dooley, one of the teachers for the best-selling DVD and book "The Secret." Velma will also be interviewing Joe Vitale, "Mr. Fire," in an upcoming episode, as well as Kurek Ashley, an international entrepreneur and success coach.

"When Does Touch Become Critical" Featured on www.opentohope.com

2008-07-17T22:47:00.003-04:00

I am now a contributing author on www.opentohope.com. This site has a wealth of grief and loss related information from various authors and professionals. Please check it out.

http://opentohope.com/hope/dealing-with-grief/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-spouse/when-does-touch-become-critical/>

More Stages of Grief - Memorial Hospital Hospice

2008-07-17T10:08:00.003-04:00

This site offers some more good information on the stages of grief. Following the five stages they also list "Grief and Stress" and "Recovering from Grief."

http://www.memorialhospital.org/Library/general/stress-THE-3.html>

Stages of Grief - It can be a Messy Process

2008-07-17T09:42:00.006-04:00

From my own experience as a widow of four years, not only writing about grief the last several years but talking with others -- often times people don't understand the sometimes messy, non-linear and very individual grief process. There is no set way to do it. However, I've found the best way to "do it" is to take it day by day, sometimes moment by moment. No expectations, no hard and fast rules, just do what works to get yourself through it and into a better place emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

The Kubler-Ross Model defines the stages as follows: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Even Elisabeth Kubler-Ross stated that not everyone always experiences all of these stages nor are they experienced in a clear, linear fashion. Kulber-Ross talked about the above stages in relation to someone who is dying, and also those who have lost a loved one. However, these stages of grief can also be linked to a situation which involves a real or perceived lack of control over one's life.

In the end, it's interesting how we each handle life's "smackdowns".

Inspired Stamping with Sympathy Cards

2008-07-17T09:34:00.003-04:00

I found this blog this morning by Annette Rolls, entitled, "How to Express Sympathy in Sympathy Cards. Supporting Others in the Loss of a Loved One." What's interesting about Annette's post, her suggestions are applicable to anyone having suffered the loss of a loved one, whether it is in relation to creating a special sympathy card or helping that person through their loss in daily life. Here is the URL.

http://www.inspiredstamping.com/my_weblog/2008/07/how-to-extendin.html?cid=122666708/>

The Difference Between Love and Lust

2008-07-10T23:09:00.000-04:00

The difference between love and lust: Love is when you want more than one moment of lust.

SlideShow Lt. Col. Steven Beck, US Marine Corp. Assistance Officer

2008-07-06T10:29:00.005-04:00

From PBS.org.
"In the book, 'Final Salute,' former Rocky Mountain News reporter Jim Sheeler and photographer Todd Heisler chronicle the experiences of a U.S. Marine Corps casualty assistance officer, Lt. Col. Steven Beck, as he calls on families in Colorado to notify them of a family members' death. Lt. Col. Beck talks about his duties captured in the photos."

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/indepth_coverage/military/beck/index.html?type=flash/>

Tribute to our Soldiers, and the Widows

2008-07-05T13:16:00.004-04:00

This is a tribute to our soldiers and the war widows. Every time I see this picture, it really hits me. Scroll down to look at the picture of the plane passengers above as a casket below is removed from their plane.

http://grahamkmem.wordpress.com/2008/07/04/the-real-meaning-of-this-fourth-of-july-holiday/>

Dancing all Over the World with Matt

2008-07-05T13:09:00.001-04:00

Every time I see this video it makes me smile. It's so simple, a guy going around the world dancing in different places, and sometimes people join him. It's a video of life and joy. Here's Matt's home page. http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/>
Click on the arrow below to play the video.

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Beyond50Radio.com Interview

2008-07-04T19:43:00.001-04:00

The latest interview is now available on Beyond 50 Radio at Talkshoe. Click on the July 2 show to listen. A Journey Well Taken. Show is 30 minutes. Host is Daniel Davis.
http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=59781&cmd=tc>

Websites that Roar - The Price of Love

2008-07-01T20:52:00.005-04:00

I was searching grief-related blogs last week and ran across a posting by Roads "Websites that Roar." http://thepriceoflove.net/2008/06/12websites-the-road-2> and was surprised to find my blog mentioned. Also mentioned is 33 year old Marissa's story as told by her surviving husband, a dying man's journal, a single parent dad's story and Lesson's from Lou, a husband who died from cancer. All blogs mentioned are touching, relevant, differ in their scope, but they are all the same in grief.

Some Insight into Grief

2008-06-30T22:51:00.004-04:00

I read an article recently about loss and grief. As a widow of four years, I can offer some insight into the grief process. I am 51 years of age. I was 47 when my husband of 20 years died from esophagus cancer at age 59. I took care of him for 11 months while he fought his best to survive. All cancer is devastating, but esophagus felt doubly so, since you cannot eat. He survived as long as he did only because he had a stomach tube inserted. My book is about mine and my family's experience during caretaking, my husband's death, and the emotional and mental turmoil following his passing. Not only for myself but also for my children.

The first thing I would say, based on my experience, is don't make any major changes in the first 12 months, and actually, for some people the time frame may be longer.

Grief is a constant up and down for many months and even years. Although I felt compelled to clear out my husband's clothes within the first month of his passing, at four years I still have moments from time to time where the loneliness of being a widow hits me and brings me to my knees for an hour or two. I consider myself in good form emotionally, mentally and psychologically, but again, loss still bites from time to time. It comes in quite softly and nips at me, and then I move on.

My life has taken unexpected twists and turns. I love my life, but also know that keeping my heart and mind open to living is part of the solution of living a full live. It's so easy to close down and be fearful, afraid to live or experience anything again. Many days in the beginning of loss, you operate in a numb state, where each day is an uninteresting series of events. I remember at one point being afraid that the numbness might never recede. I was afraid I would stay in that limbo. I had no interest in anything, except the wellbeing of my kids. I didn't care about my health, I just wanted each day to be over.

Thankfully, I grew into who I am today. I've learned to live on my own, support myself and be happy for the person I am. I've made some mistakes along the way, but I also learned from them.

In the early days I thought I would get through the grief quickly. I wanted it to be over and resolved. Of course, that's not how grief works. It takes its own time. Just when I thought I was doing okay, I'd get hit up the side of the head and emotional turmoil would take me on a ride.

One thing I did learn is "normal" is no longer what it used to feel like. I have created through trial and error a new normal, a new life. I have slid into it the last four years; sometimes with hurt and sometimes quite simply.

I never tried to break away from my past, afterall, my husband and I had 23 years together and three boys. But I came to realize for myself, I needed to redefine me, minus my husband. It's not easy. But it is possible.

Standing in the Face of Grief

2008-06-25T21:48:00.004-04:00

If you allow grief to knock you down, get back up, because chances are it's not done. Grief can be a long, drawn-out process with valleys and huge hills. You think you're doing okay, you're keeping busy, but then suddenly, in a quiet moment, it hits you in the back of the head. The tears run unchecked.

When grief is done, you get back to your life. Don't fight it, but don't let it control your life either. Eventually, it'll seep away, you'll see what's around you once more, and your life will take on a sense of normalcy again. Accept that "normal" may be different than what you knew before. We all know that's life, and life is full of change.

Portion of Proceeds to go to Make a Wish and HospiceWit in S. Africa

2008-06-23T22:13:00.003-04:00

Portion of Proceeds from book sales go to Make a Wish Foundation . Also HospiceWit in South Africa to buy board games, Magical AIDS Journey and Magical Maze Journey, to help children with AIDS and children grieving the loss of a loved one, respectively.

"Complicated Grief" Study by UCLA Scientists

2008-06-22T21:12:00.010-04:00

A new study by UCLA scientists suggests that long term or "complicated" grief may trigger neurons in the reward center of the brain.
http://www.virtualmedicalcentre.com/news.asp?artid=11842

We all experience grief in some measure throughout life. We live through the painful adjustment of the loss of a loved one -- the emotional and psychological lows. But for those suffering complicated grief, the normal grief reaction remains painful and debilitating, sometimes leading to suicidal thoughts or an inability to resume life, even many years later.

If you look at the MayoClinic site
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/complicated-grief/DS01023/DSECTION=symptoms/
you will see symptoms that apply to the grief process. I recognize my own grief journey in these symptoms.

What moves the grief into "complicated grief" is the extended period of time that these emotions continue to be apparent in the grieving individual. While I understand the grief process personally, I disagree with this article where it says "normal grief symptoms gradually start to fade within six months or so". From my own experience, I was just beginning to lose the numbness at six months and therefore becoming alive to my grief at six months. Does that mean I've suffered from complicated grief? I don't believe so.

What I do believe is the grieving process is very individual. I also believe that if grief continues and there is no quality of life resumed, then there is the possibility of complicated grief and professional help should be sought.

Grief is One More Journey in Life

2008-06-19T08:48:00.004-04:00

In my habit of reading blogs of other's who have suffered the loss of a loved one, I am reminded again and again of those early, deep and entrenching emotions. In today's society where many want to just "get through it" or get it over with quickly, no matter what IT is, grief is just a process that takes its own time. It has its own agenda, based on you, the individual. No amount of prodding, sweet talking or ranting will make it move any faster through your life. The good news is, it does move on and we become a different person, and we can control the process, to some degree. We can seek help, support, and remain open to life. Through my four years of "widow" experience, I can attest to the fact that life does take on a new normal, as long as we don't shut down and close in upon ourselves.

I am sorry for the loss anyone suffers in life. It's not fair, we rant and cry, and I recall like it was yesterday the lost, desperate feelings. For a time I buried myself in my grief, my loss, and in the end I found that talking about it to a professional really helped me sort through my feelings, fears and emotions. I wasn't going crazy, even though at times it hurt so bad I didn't know which way to turn. I also started a journal, and if I felt desperately unhappy, I would write in my journal. So cry, be angry or just stare out the window if that's what you need to do today, but don't be stuck in it day after day. I learned in the beginning to get through each day as best I could, with no expectations of anything. It's just the way grief is. Take your time to naviagate this new life, and you may find, as I have, that keeping your arms and heart wide open to life, will bring you unexpected joys and experiences. Trust me, there is life after loss, it just takes a bit of traveling to get there.

Mom Minus Dad Resource Guide

2008-06-17T18:28:00.002-04:00

"In her groundbreaking book, Jamieson Haverkampf shares how she and her sister, in their early 30’s, found success and managed struggles during their journey after their father’s death. This jam-packed resource guide is filled with more than 500 invaluable Web sites, companies, government resources, U.S. laws, books, and nonprofit organizations to assist adult children who seek support while they aid a newly widowed parent." From http://www.momminusdad.com:80/

US News and World Report Interview now online

2008-06-13T01:25:00.001-04:00

KimberlyPalmer, Senior Financial Editor of US News and World Report, interviewed me regarding the financial aspects of being a widow. The article is here.

http://www.usnews.com/articles/business/retirement/2008/06/12/how-to-financially-cope-with-being-suddenly-single.html/

Getting Hit with the Alone Bug

2008-06-10T22:45:00.002-04:00

I got bit yesterday by that loneliness thing again. I wish I could figure out the trigger, because then I'd seek it out and chop it off at the knees.

Elaine Williams' Review "Beyond Belief" Documentary

2008-06-10T21:55:00.009-04:00

"Beyond Belief," is an award-winning and inspirational documentary film by Beth Murphy, about two 9/11 widows who cope with their grief by forming a cross-cultural foundation to raise money for widows in Afghanistan.

The film was featured on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" last year and is now being released on DVD by Alive Mind at http://www.alivemindwoman.com/category/films/beyond-belief/

With your help, $3 from each sale of this DVD will go to the organization formed by the two widows, Beyond the 11th at http://alivemindwoman.com/beyond-belief-featured-organization-beyond-the-11th/

REVIEW by Elaine Williams, A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss
http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com/

"In tragedy, often times it is the strongest who step forward and dare to make a difference.

As 9/11 widows Patti and Susan work through their own grief and loss, they move outside of themselves to highlight the extreme poverty of Afghanistan widows. Their personal journeys are enhanced by their efforts to empower these same women, strangers, half a world away.

This emotionally charged film draws you in from the first moment - it is a beautiful testimonial to the strength and courage of the human spirit."

The Light Beyond Video - Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep

2008-06-07T12:02:00.002-04:00

A Journey Well Taken Review at The Light Beyond

2008-06-07T10:16:00.003-04:00

The Light Beyond Website Mission: Helping you through grief and bereavement, one step at a time..."
Lucie Storrs of The Light Beyond has graciously posted a review of A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss. http://thelightbeyond.typepad.com/blog/

Crafting a New Life as a Widow

2008-06-04T09:07:00.001-04:00

Elaine Williams ©2008

When you become a widow your life changes and there is no guarantee of sanity in the transition. Some days are topsy-turvy; other days have a numbing calm. You wonder if life will ever be joyful again. You’re not crazy, you’re grieving.

Joy has a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it, yes, even in the midst of loss. I discovered it’s a waste of energy to feel guilt over a moment of joy while in the pain of loss. I used to tell myself I had to stop being so serious and cut myself some slack. I refused to be a victim in life and I vowed not to become bitter over my husband’s loss.
Sure, it was unfair that my kids lost their dad at 11, 18, and 19, but inside each of us are life tools, and we do the best with what we have learned in life.

So how do you craft your new life as a widow? Time and patience are the best advice I could give. I had never expected my husband would die, even though he was diagnosed with end stage esophagus cancer. I was so determined he would get well, he would beat it, that losing him never was an option until the last three weeks. So I wasn’t prepared for his death, but who ever is? Stuff like this didn’t happen to me. I’d always considered myself an upbeat, lucky person. I still consider myself in that category, which is why I know from my own experience you can create a new life and be happy and feel joy once more.

I recall many days up until about two and a half years into my loss where I felt weighted down by uncertainty and indecision. I wanted nothing more than to just hide away in some safe, dark place where no one else could find me. Many days I felt a complete lack of enthusiasm for life. I worked because that occupied my mind, and in deepest grief, I often wondered if I’d ever experience true joy again. I felt off kilter, as if an essential life force had been pulled from me. I had a big hole.

For months I hung in a kind of limbo. I asked myself what was it that I wanted to do with my life? Was this empty feeling all there was? I knew I had to contribute something more – that there was a purpose for me. I wanted full knowledge of what my the next step was in my life.

As a writer I attempted to pick up my writing, but there was no passion there. I have always been a writer and to think that that well had dried up, felt devastating.

Slowly, I began to find a new me, one that I had never fully tapped into. I wondered had experiencing loss uncovered the stronger, more independent me? I have learned to live fully on my own, taking care of my children but also taking care of myself.

When I made myself step outside my comfort zone, I often found a new world waiting for me. I discovered that living a full life is all within my own control.

Video Interview Live by Relentless Aaron

2008-06-03T20:35:00.001-04:00

Processing Grief

2008-06-02T11:21:00.001-04:00

Sometimes you just want to rush through the grief process. There's confusion, pain, fear and a pulling inside, wanting to hide. Just take it slow and let life unfold gently, doing the best you can without making yourself do anything new until you're ready.

Children in Grief

2008-06-01T09:11:00.001-04:00

Elaine Williams copyright 2008

I have three boys who were 11, 18 and 19 when their father died from cancer. They all reacted differently to this loss, and many times I felt at a loss myself in trying to determine the best way to help them through their grief.

My oldest son moved away from home a year and a half after my husband’s passing. It was a move for the best, a need for him to establish his independence, but at the time it was very difficult for me. My son had relationship problems, moved into a dumpy apartment and associated with people I didn’t know. He fell into a drinking and partying lifestyle.

My middle son retreated emotionally, becoming distant. Even though he still lived at home, I had to wonder many times what was going on in his mind and his heart. I knew he was as wounded as I felt at the passing of his father, but he was unwilling to share even the most minute details of what he might be feeling.

My youngest son clung to me as if he were afraid to let me out of his sight. He asked me once what would happen to him if I died, as his father had died.

I calmly reassured my youngest that I expected to live a long time, I still had a lot to accomplish. But I also reassured him that his grandparents or aunt would take care of him if something did happen to me.

Being newly widowed, at times the struggle threatened to engulf me. Day-to-day living felt hard and there was no getting away from it or retreating. Frightening, hard, taxing, tiring, exhausting. In the beginning. The first two and a half years I now look back and realize yes, I came through it, as did my children, and I would never want to live through it again, but we did okay. We lived it each day doing the best we could.

We made some bad choices, but we learned and came away with something valuable. Speaking for myself, I felt ripped in two many days. When I made dating mistakes, it hurt incredibly, and yet the biggest wounds, after my husband’s death, were the wounds of my children. I felt like I could handle anything at any time that happened to me, but when it involved my children, all bets were off. I wanted to take away their hurts, soothe them over, make everything okay again. But that’s not how real life is, and indeed, it’s not how it should be.

My kids grew through their own experiences, and that’s how they learned that life does go on. Mom supports them and helps to a degree, but they have to learn to deal with their own things that come to them in life. We held together as a family and I like to think my husband is still watching over us, keeping us safe in his way, and admiring how we’ve all come through this trial of grief and loss. No one ever said it would be easy, but then again, no one every really brought this subject up before we had to experience it first hand. That’s just he way life is, sometimes it smacks you in the back of the head and you don’t see it coming, other times you see it but hope it’s going to miss you. If we’re lucky, we rise to the occasion in the best way we know how, without bitterness or undue pain.

Life wounds each of us in various ways, it’s how we come out of the wounding that tells the truest sense of who we are, or can be.

Stress as a Widow’s Companion

2008-05-31T20:18:00.002-04:00

Elaine Williams ©2008

Beginning a life as a widow was not an easy one for me, and whether you want it or not, it is a new life. Strange, alien, different from anything you have ever known. Many days I resisted any type of change, whether it was physical or emotional. I felt too tired dealing with the day-to-day stresses to think about allowing one more thing to change, no matter how small.

Of course, you can only float for so long avoiding the changes. Your life has turned around drastically and maybe even in small ways after the loss of a spouse, but eventually you have to acknowledge the changes as they take root. Once a widow, your life is never the same.

Some of the obvious changes occur as follows:

1. Incomes can be halved, and in some cases, become nonexistent with the death of a spouse.

2. Tax filing status, and the tax implications. I found it best to have an accountant to consult for income tax preparation.

3. Socially. You’re no longer part of a couple. Sometimes other married couples aren’t sure where you fit into the social circle. At times, you’re not sure where you fit in anymore. There is always an adjustment and this may possibly mean letting go of old friends and being open to meeting new friends.

4. Ecomically. The bills are still coming regularly, despite death. If you have children, it can be especially difficult dealing with this part of your life. Young children may need daycare, older children may be in college, and the in between is you’re still buying food, clothing, and the everyday essentials for living. Your children will be eligible for social security until they’re eighteen and in high school, and you may receive social security benefits for yourself until the youngest child is sixteen. Even though I had four years to prepare for the time I would no longer receive that help from social security, it was still a daunting prospect to think of my income dropping again.

My income halved when my husband died, and then it halved again when social security stopped. However, a little creativity and planning can go a long way.

5. Family. The family unit is minus one. As the surviving spouse, we do the best we can, being mother/father combined. I tried to keep things as normal and rational as possible for my children and myself. Some days were easier than others.
6. Physically. Given the economics and almost certain changes to lifestyle, this can be the most taxing challenge. You need to take care of yourself and deal with any stress in your life in the kindest way possible. Otherwise you may have difficulty taking care of anything else.

7. Emotionally. My husband’s death, the extreme feeling of loss, threw me into an emotional tailspin. Some days felt like a virtual roller coaster, and I hate roller coasters. Everyone processes their grief experience in their own way and time. Don’t try to rush into any major decisions, especially in the first 12 months of loss.

8. Support. I found it beneficial to accept help from outside sources; family, friends, grief support groups, therapists. Support, in any form, will ultimately help in the grief process. Keeping your fears, feelings and emotions suppressed can serve to make you ill and perhaps delay the entire grief process. And it is a process.

So move slowly through your life as it is now. I recall times I wanted to rush ahead to get through the terrible feelings, the fears, the tears, the feeling of abandonment. I am four years into this journey, and some days it was excruciating, while other days it felt okay.

In the end, I learned to fully embrace my fears, so I could then kick them to the curb and freely be who I needed to be. A woman newly evolved.